Photo Challenge - Photo of Me Today & of Me Then

So Josey over at My Cheap Version of Therapy posted something similar to this on her blog.  The idea is to post 30 pictures in 30 days based on the topics below.  I like this idea, especially as recently I have been going through older pictures to organize them as a project to keep me busy.  It is interesting coming across old pictures and reliving those memories.  So I am going to be posting pictures in groups when I feel like it, as there are no stink’n rules for posting on this blog!!  Yeah, I am a rebel :)  I may also post multiple pictures as well and talk a little about me during that time. 

Here is the list of picture topics:

Day 01: a photo of you today.
Day 02: a photo of yourself at least a year ago.
Day 03: a photo that makes you happy.
Day 04: a photo of a place you’d like to visit.
Day 05: a photo that makes you laugh.
Day 06: a photo of someone you love.
Day 07: a photo of something you stand for.
Day 08: a photo of something you enjoy doing.
Day 09: a photo of yourself when you were a baby.
Day 10: any photo you like for any reason.
Day 11: a photo of a night you loved.
Day 12: a photo of when you were happy.
Day 13: a photo of one of your favorite movies.
Day 14: a photo of your best friend (s)
Day 15: a photo of you and a family member
Day 16: a photo from your childhood
Day 17: a photo of something that has changed your life
Day 18: a photo of your town.
Day 19: a photo that makes you laugh.
Day 20: a photo of something you ate today.
Day 21: a photo of somebody you find attractive.
Day 22: a photo that you associate a good memory with.
Day 23: a photo of something you want to do someday.
Day 24: a photo of what you want to be when you grow up.
Day 25: a photo that inspires you.
Day 26: a photo of your favorite subject in school.
Day 27: a photo of something you are looking forward to.
Day 28: a photo of something/somebody that made your day.
Day 29: a photo of your favorite person from history.
Day 30: a photo you find beautiful.

So let’s get started right now, shall we?!

Day 01: a photo of you today. ~ So this was me just a few weeks ago.  I picked this particular picture as I feel that the older I get the more comfortable in myself I am getting and the easier it is for me to be ME and express myself however I want.  While I am still not comfortable in many situations, mainly those with other people...I know better now than ever before who I am as a person and I am very happy with that person around family and close friends, even if they see me like this!  It may be taking awhile, but at the age of 30 I am closer than ever to not only finding happiness with myself, but being comfortable sharing that with others.

Day 02: a photo of yourself at least a year ago. ~ So about a year and a half ago this was me.  I had avoided getting my picture taken for awhile and this was the first time I had really seen myself in a picture in some time, and I did not like what I saw.  It didn't look anything like who I saw myself as.  I hated everything about this picture because in my mind that WASN'T me.  How did this happen?  How did I let myself get this way?  This was such a low point and seeing that picture made me face what I had been trying to avoid for awhile, that I needed to make a change and get healthy.  I am getting there as this is no longer me and I am getting closer to where I want to be.

This was me at my cousins wedding (2003/2004 I think).  I was happy here.  This is me.  Smiling, happy, the way I see myself in my head.  I felt good about myself here.  I was comfortable with my weight, thought I looked great in my dress, loved my hair (girls we know that is important), and just at this moment felt really beautiful.  The picture was nothing fancy, nothing special - it just was me.  Maybe call it vanity, but I think we all have some pictures like this where we just feel beautiful and comfortable and happy....and this was one of mine.  I liked myself here and that is what matters.

This was me in 2002.  The reason I posted this as well was so you can see a progression.  I see this picture and I have mixed feelings.  Just like the picture taken 1 1/2 years ago where I don't like the way I look because it doesn't feel like me, I sorta feel the same here.  At this point in my life I was confused and had no confidence.  This was probably the thinnest I ever was (too thin perhaps), but I never saw that. Ever.  At the time I saw myself as an overweight and ugly person.  I was not happy with who I was and even though I would wear certain clothes out to get attention because I could, that really wasn't what I wanted....I had no idea what I wanted or who I was.  I looked at myself and didn't recognize who I was.  Most likely, because from 1999 - 2001 I had lost about 80 pounds (70 of that in 1 year).  My mind just never caught up with how fast I was losing weight and in turn it blurred my reality of how I looked at myself.  For so long I saw myself one way and when you lose weight quickly and can be hard to change the way you think.  I was just as worried here in this picture about people seeing me and thinking I was fat as I do now a lot, LOT heavier than here. So though in retrospect I should have loved the way I looked in this picture, I really just don't see ME. 

Dang, this is like therapy! More to come.....