Wednesday, April 16, 2014

A Much Needed Weekend!!

 Oh, I am SO bad about blogging!!!!  Please don’t give up on me and my blog; I am not giving up on blogging just yet….


This past weekend was SO busy and awesome and I feel my son grew up in one weekend*!!  (Ok, perhaps a bit dramatic with the last one as he is technically only a couple days older, but still….exciting things occurred) 

It was so nice to have such a great weekend.

The past 6 months have sorta sucked between Henry and hisseizures and we have been sick and fighting sickness ALL. THE. TIME.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day….Henry was sick ALL those holidays.  There have been multiple ER visits from October thru December 31st.  The sicknesses we ALL have had in between the holidays.  Henry’s seizures and the diagnosis and let’s not forget that this has been THE worst and longest winter I ever remember and we have been stuck inside.  To say we have been cranky and tired of being cooped up is a HUGE understatement.

So what does this have to do with being busy this past weekend, well my point is we got out of the house did stuff and we were NOT SICK.

Henry had been sick the weekend before when we celebrated my sister and my birthdays (and the weekend before that, of course) so I thought the odds were in my favor that he would NOT be sick this past weekend.  

Then I heard rumors that it was suppose to be gorgeous outside.  Like, PERFECT weather.

Challenge accepted.

So I took action and I planned. 

I didn’t get my hopes up too much and played all casual, “oh yeah, we “may” do a couple things this weekend”.  (Something you should know about me, I am VERY superstitious.  So I thought if I didn’t actually speak too much about the weekend the cosmos would not know what I had planned.  Yeah, I am weird like that.)

Anywho, the weekend was to go like this:

1. Friday Evening – Goodbye crib and hello new big boy car bed!
2. Saturday – Trip to the Zoo
3. Sunday – First Hockey Game

And folks…..it happened. 

IT ALL HAPPENED. 

You guys, it was such a great weekend.  For most, maybe this is a normal weekend, but not for us.  And definitely not for us the past 6 months.  Sure, there were some snags like Henry running away from me at the Zoo, and him falling asleep on the 25 minute car ride home and then NOT taking a nap and hitting me because I was trying to make him nap, or him waking up at 4am Sunday morning and not going back to sleep.  But hey, it could be worse…..it HAS been worse.

The Bed.

We tried the transition to a big boy bed before Henry was even two.  It did not work.  He was way too young for the independence and actually loved his crib too much.  But we knew it was time now as he is too big for such a small bed.  We have a convertible crib, but again…our child is big and ALL over the place when he sleeps.  So we decided that we should get him something special and that he can grow into.  So we opted for a toddler to twin car bed!!  HERE  We used his toddler mattress and when he gets older we will get a twin mattress.  We also hoped that having a fun bed would make him stay IN the bed.

Verdict: the boy LOVES it.  When we tucked him in the first night he looked at terry and said “Thank you”.  Terry asked him for what and he said “Thank you for putting together my car bed”.  Sigh.  You are welcome sweet boy.  And note, there are no stickers on it yet as he pulls stickers off everything he owns!

Of course he loves to jump!




Yes, he does sleep with all those stuffed animals.


Night one went off without a hitch, plus he actually slept in** Saturday morning until 7:45am!!  Nights 2 and 3 he got up really early and was crying.  But, perhaps just because things were a bit different.  But the past two nights have been great and he now just wants to go in his room and play in his bed.

Makes me so happy to see him so happy!

Zoo.

Terry was working, but I decided to take Henry to the Zoo.  He HAD to have a wagon and best $10 spent as I don’t want to fight a 39lb, 39” toddler who refuses to walk anymore.  Plus, he had a pretty awesome set-up!  Popcorn, drink, being pulled around.  Ahhhh, the toddler life.  The day was great and the weather really was perfect.  We went early, right after they opened and got  a couple good hours in.  And except for him seeing something and running off (stomach sinks) and then the fact that he napped on the way home and refused to nap when we got home, it was a perfect day.


Life. Is. Good.



Hockey.

We had tickets from the firm I work at for the Walleye Hockey game Sunday.  We were not sure if Henry was old enough, but he loves hockey and always talks about it so we gave it a try.  Overall he really loved it!  He kept saying “my turn now” and did get a little upset until we gave him some popcorn to distract and calm him.  (yes, more popcorn…we are not above using food to keep him calm)   I do think it got to be a little loud for him, it was loud for me!  I think he also started getting bored.  We stayed about 45 minutes and then headed off.  But he kept talking about it, which is how we know he loved it!  And now I think we are starting hockey next fall…..

That smile!!!!  Pure excitement
(I teared up seeing how excited he was.  no really.)



HUGS!  Though he said he met big bird, heehee :-)
(He got walleye stickers!!)


YAY for great weekends!  I think mentally we all needed a weekend like this. 



*On a side note: Henry takes showers now.  Yep, on top of an already exciting weekend Henry decided he wanted to take a shower with me, now it is his favorite thing.  Sigh….kids grow up so fast!! :-)

**Since when is sleeping until 7:45am considering “sleeping in”.  UGH.  LAME!!!


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Lenten Sabotage!!!

So is anyone giving up or doing something for lent this year? 

Is anyone’s significant other NOT giving anything up and trying to sabotage YOUR Lenten promise?!?!

So I have not done the lent thing in a few years, but this year I knew I wanted to give something up and exactly what that something would be.

Sweets.  {GASP}

Yep, I wanted to give up sweets for Lent this year.

Why, you ask?!  Have you really lost your mind?!?!

Yes, I have lost my mind but that is besides the point.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Diagnosis.

(I am writing this down also for my records)


So I talked about the fact that Henry has been having seizures HERE.  After the first of the year we got to talk to a Neurologist about the seizures and what steps to take.

Then we waited.

The end of February Henry had an EEG.  (What is an EEG’s HERE





At the appointment Henry did AMAZING!  Which was surprising and awesome!  I was SO proud of our little man.  It is good that he laid still for the hour because it yields more accurate results.

Then we waited more.


Sunday, March 09, 2014

HDH – 2 ½ Years Old


My son is now TWO AND A HALF?!?!

Did I just type that correctly?!  

WOW.

JUST WOW.

I mean, just LOOK at him....where has the time gone?  When did he start looking so old?!?!



I don’t know why this keeps shocking me.  Ever since he turned two, the realization of how old he is keeps hitting me (as does my son during his tantrums).  I think it is more so HOW he is acting as opposed to his actual age that floors me.  That is why when he turned one, it was not that big of a deal, he was still this little man who needed me for so much and still acted like a baby of sorts. 

But two.  Not so much.

I should have known two would be harder and different considering on his second birthday he got on his NEW tricycle my parents got him and road into the sunset like he had been doing this forever. 

UH, WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO RIDE A BIKE?!?!  

What, you turn two and now you are all grown up?!

Sigh.

He was also a late(er) talker, but it was like when he turned two he decided he had a LOT to say and now, he talks ALL. THE. TIME. and repeats everything (oops). He has ideas and his own thoughts and is imagining and playing make believe and sings and is funny and…well it is awesome!! But with that he is also more grown up.

Oh, and how do I know he has his own ideas, you ask?  Well he will put his fist under his chin, and with a pretty intense thinking face on says “hmmmmmm. OH, I got an idea!!! I know, we can…..”  and proceeds to his idea.  He has LOTS of ideas :-)


He also says “Oh, I know what to do!”  OR  “Oh, I forgot!”  (These are also stall tactics before bed and if we want him to pick up toys.  He will say he “Oh, I forgot” something and then go over and move something like a toy a foot to the right or goes and kisses and hugs EVERY item in his room.  No, I mean EVERY item.  The wall (hug, kiss, I yub you wall) and that pattern continues for a clothes basket, his stuffed animals, a bottle of lotion….you get the idea.  This can go on for awhile if we don’t stop it.

I wish I could just have a camera on him all day to record all the things he says and does because it is pretty great.  Of course he would probably look at that camera and say “NO CHEESE ME!!!” and get mad….so maybe hidden cameras!

So what else is new with Henry.......


Friday, February 14, 2014

When It Just Becomes Too Much Then It Is Time To Ask For Help.

I am sharing this post because I need to be accountable for my actions and recognize that the way I act and feel not only affects me, but my family and work and others around me.  This has been going on for awhile now, but the past few months have been a constant struggle for me.  It isn't every minute of every day, no I have many happy moments....but the stress is hard for me to deal with.


It didn’t take me long into the New Year to lose the award for “Most Patient Mother of the Year”.  I mean, December 30th AND 31st we were in different ER’s and we rang in the New Year with not only us sick, but one extremely sick child (temps up to 104 sick).  Though June Cleaver would have taken it all in stride, this mom didn’t stand a chance to win. 

We finally started feeling better early January and then of course the end of January we ALL came down with the sickness again.  So on top of being sick 75% of the time since the end of October, there is stress as we wait for Henry’s EEG appointment, financial stress, work stress, home stress, my yearly January/February winter blues, independent toddler trying to find his way in this world stress, and everything else that just compiles until…

…BOOM…

…You scream (I mean scream) at your kid because you are trying to make the bed you just made a few hours before (because twice now he has coughed and puked on the clean sheets) and while you are trying to maneuver a crib mattress your kid starts grabbing the mattress and putting toys on the springs.  Nothing horrible, no.  But in THAT moment it was too much.  And you yell.  A real yell.  A yell that hurts your throat and actually makes you take a step back and catches you off guard because you have no idea where it came from.  A yell that after you put your kid down for a nap makes you cry with guilt and frustration.

Or perhaps it is the time you just breakdown because your child will not listen to any direction you give what-so-ever.  I mean after trying to convince your child to pick up the 50+ flashcards he threw all over the kitchen and then just left them there to go play with other toys you lose it because it is a constant battle and fight.  And after he screams and cries and hits he then pees all over the place.

That was it.  That was the thing that set me off.  After not listening, dumping juice on the floor, laying sideways in his timeout chair, me nearly burning dinner, the constant back and forth, the tears, the screaming, the hitting….I reached my limit when he stood there screaming and peeing.

But most parents would have reached their limit, that is normal...but I went further. I yelled and screamed and hit the cabinet door.  (ugh….I never want him to see me hit things, nor do I want to YELL at him)  But it happened. 

Sigh. 

Moments later terry walked in and I just lost it.  Yep, lucky man.  He didn’t even have his coat off when I started yelling and crying about what happened.  My frustrations.  The fact that I have NO IDEA how to discipline him.  The fact that the past few months I have been losing my cool and becoming SO ANGRY so easily.

I feel I yell and say “NO” more than I say “yes” and ENJOY my time with my family. It wears on you.  It has been like this for months and I am just exhausted.  I don’t want to say NO all the time.  I don’t want to always yell.  I don’t want to repeat myself 20 times trying to get a 2 year old to listen to me or pay attention.  I want to enjoy this time because I know it is short lived.  I want to make sure I mold Henry, through proper love and discipline and not the back and forth of love and screaming.  I feel I am focused on the wrong thing.  The things being done wrong instead of right.  Basically, I have turned into a real pessimist the past few months.  I am always thinking worst case scenario and constantly second guessing EVERY decision I make with him for fear it is the wrong one and because of this just get easily frustrated with not just him, but myself.  Mostly myself.  And I am becoming absolutely ridiculous with anything that involves Henry.

I mean a week ago Henry got water on his shirt right before bed after I got him all ready and I had to change him into a slightly warmer shirt to which made me mad as he already had an elevated temp to which I said: “Great, now we have to change his freakn clothes AGAIN!  And now we are putting him in a warm shirt, that other shirt was perfect.  How about we just put him in a freakn parka!!!”  Yes, I really said that.  Terry of course rolled his eyes and let me throw a tantrum like, well my two year old.  Only difference is I didn’t go all limp and throw myself to the floor….though had something else gone “wrong” I may have.  Of course, my comment made me feel like a total jackass later after I calmed down. But the point is…THAT IS ME.  That is how I am right now.  I over-react. I am ridiculous.  I have never been this bad until the last few months.

That same evening as the ridiculous parka comment, Henry must have known I was having a rough night because that night he didn't ask after his story to go to his bed.  He ALWAYS asks to go to his bed.  Instead he asked for a hug. Sigh.  I put him up on my shoulder and held him to me as close as I could and we hugged and just cuddled.  I held him SO incredibly tight and he was squeezing and hugging me and he fell asleep in my arms.  I just sat and rocked him after he fell asleep for another 15 minutes, crying and crying and soaking in that moment….not want to letting go.  Even through it all he still loves me and wants to be with me….I don’t even want to be with me because I am acting a fool.  But HE does.

I do get so frustrated with Henry, but mostly I get mad at myself because I really don’t know how to discipline him and get him to listen to me and I don't how to control my emotions in those frustrating moments.  And when I get stressed I breakdown and go from 0 to 11 in no time at all.  When I have to deal with confrontation, yes even with a two year old, I lose it.  I am not good with that stuff and my temper ALWAYS gets the best of me.  I have always been like this, but could walk away.  Take some time for myself.  Get better.  I can’t walk away now.  And I hate it.  I HATE that I get mad and lose my cool infront of Henry.  I hate that I handle some situations poorly.  I really hate that I cannot figure how to get my own son to listen to me. I HATE that I don’t feel like ME at all.  I HATE that I am so sad one minute, angry the next and happy the next.  I REALLY HATE that I get so worked up and emotional that I feel this urge to hit a wall or cabinet door….and that I have.

I am a mess.

Since having Henry there as been a lot of stress with how Terry and I had to keep a schedule and all the other stresses that come with him working part-time in the evenings. And then for the past 6 months there has been extra stress with Henry's health. It just keeps building and building.  And then the past few weeks have been extremely hard.  Some of my worst and most emotional weeks ever.   And to be honest, I don’t think I have been completely myself for some time now.  It is up and down and I have always just assumed it is part of having a kid.  But I think I am reaching a breaking point that I can no longer handle on my own.

I need to change. 

After the above and other meltdowns the past couple weeks I started thinking about things.  Two things in particular:

1.) How can I (we) communicate better with Henry so he listens and I don’t have to say NO so much?
2) What can I do to practice patience and remain calm?

I have found some things online the past couple weeks that we are trying to communicate better with Henry and I am going to continue trying for BOTH Henry and I to communicate with each other better.  I will post them and the results soon as this post has already become way too lengthy….sorry. 

But for me, I think I am at the point where I can no longer “try” to handle this on my own.  I need to talk to someone.  I don’t like the idea of talking to someone because I hate opening up to strangers about my feelings.  But if multiple people who care about you are telling you this, and have been telling you for a long time, then perhaps you need to listen if you want to change. 

I WANT to change. 

I can’t continue to be like this for Henry, Terry, My Family, work…MYSELF.

It is just a lot sometimes.  No one and I mean NO ONE can push you as much as your child.  I mean, he already knows and is continuing to learn what triggers and pushes us.  If this was anyone else, you wouldn’t get so emotional about them.  But this is your child.  Someone you love more than any words could ever express.  You love them to the deepest part of your being and so much so that it hurts.  They are a part of you and because of that I have to recognize that if I am hurting inside, then perhaps that he sees and feels that too and I need to get help.

Sigh.

……

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Let’s Talk Potty Training, Shall We.

Alternative title....If you Have to Go Potty, Stop and Go Right Away! (Thank you Daniel Tiger.  This song really does help Henry but now I sing it when I have to go *eyeroll*)


So when Henry was around 18-20 months old he started taking an interest in the potty.  He wanted to sit on it, because well we sat on it and Henry likes to do EVERYTHING we do.  He wanted to “go pee” which normally meant he would sit there and play with toilet paper.  We thought 20 months seemed a little early to take interest in the toilet and potty training, so we kept it casual and kept emphasizing how cool the potty was and if he wanted to try to go we let him and got excited for him, but all without pushing anything.

We got a built in child seat that just folds up into our toilet seat and he loved it.  HERE. Shortly after his second birthday he was going more and more on the potty and we started talking to the teachers about potty training.  He would yell “pee coming, pee coming; poop coming poop coming” while running to the bathroom and loved to go and was starting to make it every single time to the potty!  Again, this was all because HE wanted to do it and not pushed by us.  (Our child is VERY strong willed and does things on his “own” terms.) 

We actually bought underwear and thought….dang, at this rate he will be potty trained by the first of the year!!

Yeah...silly first time parents.

And then Henry started getting sick more and was basically sick on and off from Halloween through the end of the year.  When he was sick he wouldn’t always want to use the potty so we didn’t push anything.  (Perhaps our mistake?!) When he started feeling better during that time we got back into our routine, not anticipating he would be sick again a week or two later.  Well after his sickness was over after the first of the year we and the school got back into potty training.  Diaper only at night and underwear the rest of the time with the occasional pull-ups on..

At school Henry is better about going to the potty, though there is a #2 issue.  But I think he is on a set schedule and other kids go and he wants to do what other kids do and he is just use to going at school.  So he will have an accident maybe one of the three days at school, but does really well there.

At home, well Henry has all of a sudden taken an aversion to going at home.  He will be grabbing like he has to go and we will ask and he says “NO” and when we take him in to try he usually fights and screams it the entire way.  It is SO weird, because he use to want to spend 30 minutes in the bathroom and now we can barely get him in there for 1 minute to pee. 

Now, I get that it is still on the earlier side for potty training as he is 28 months.  But I feel now that we have started and he does so well at school we are kind of in it.  I don’t want to go back because he IS doing a great job most of the time.  But this new found aversion to going at home is just odd to me and we are not sure what to do next.



I talked to his teacher and we have their “potty schedule” and try to stay consistent with that at home and make him go at those times.  But again, he just doesn’t want to do it or will say NO and fight it when you can see full well he has to go!!  Again, he is stubborn.  He will also wait until he is about to pee and then say he needs to potty and then pees right there because he waited too long.  And as for pooping….he loved to poop on the potty a couple months ago.  He would read his “mag” and thought it was funny to flush his poop.  We would spend 30 minutes in there!! (Typical man) But the past week we will take him in and make him pee and ask if he has to poop and he says NO and literally in the time it takes for him to wash his hands and go into the living room we catch him pooping in his underwear. DUDE!  We were just in the bathroom!! Sigh.

This week it happened once at school (he hates pooping at school anyways) and twice at home.  Last night alone it happened and then a little later I saw him make the face and got him into the bathroom with a hanger…but had I not ran in there with him, he would have done it twice yesterday evening.

Now, in regards to accidents we are calm.  No yelling or getting mad. (we have plenty of other things he does to get mad and yell at him for!)  We just explain the importance of going to the potty IN the potty and that he is a big boy now, blah blah, blah….

And then this week we have resorted to bribing with M&M’s. (I KNOW, DON’T JUDGE!)  We were giving him stickers after he peed to put on a potty chart and he loved that but I think he is a bit over it so now he gets one M&M if he pees and two if he, well #2’s :-) Note: My parenting book will be out this fall with many other amazing tips and ways to bribe your kids to do stuff. It is called..."Go Fetch; Now Here's Your Treat" which is the sister book to "My Son, The Man Servant".  

I digress.

We are also wondering if we need to get him his own small potty, though I would prefer him going in the BIG potty as I really really do not want to clean out the small one.  YUCK.

So let me ask, how do YOU potty train your kids?  I get that every kid is different, but I am curious what has worked/not worked for you.  Did your kid ever revert back a bit or get tired of going in the potty?  What motivation did you use?  Did you use pull-ups?  Was your kid stubborn and wanting to do it all on their own terms?!


Talk to me!!

Saturday, January 11, 2014

From the Mouth of Babes


So remember when I was blogging about how Henry was a late talker HERE and HERE?  Well if not at 18 months Henry wasn't talking much and by 20 months getting VERY frustrated communicating to us.  And then by August, a month before his 2nd birthday, words started spewing out of his mouth!  I mean he was learning and/or saying new words pretty much every day!  And then by the end of 2013 this child, who was a late talker, was talking NON-STOP!!  Phrases, trying to say words, repeating.  It is awesome :-)

So for my record and hopefully your entertainment, here are some of the funniest things he has said or things I enjoy hearing him say.

....

He says his name in the sweetest of voices!!  He pronounces it Hen-nee.  So cute :-)

....

This kid loves books (which makes me so happy as I am not a reader) and he loves to read books.  His version of The Monster at the End of This Book is FANTASTIC!!  I am trying to record, but normally it is a bedtime book and no cameras at bedtime.  But it goes something like this, turning pages as we go:

"Monster end book.  So scared! Shhhhhhhhh.  ALL RIGHT!!! NO TURN PAGES!! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!!  No turn pages.  Scared.  OK, ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT!!!  Scared. Monster book. No Turn pages. ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT. All done."

You guys.  I could listen to his version over and over!! (and yes, the ALL RIGHT part is his favorite!)

....

Along with that he mimics everything, especially TV shows.  For instance, we are watching Daniel Tiger and Daniel goes to the doctor and gets his shot and Henry mimics everything. "Mama, I get shot. Close Eyes. Be happy. OUCH. Here sticker. All done!"  It is so cute to watch, especially as he checks your heart and eyes and everything before!

....

Every day after school (aka daycare aka the germ factory) I ask how his day was and what he did and we talk about his day.  Usually his response is something like "Great!  Play kids.  Eat. Dance." Well this week I asked him these questions and then he came up to me and put his hand on me and said "Mama, how day at work you?"  When I told him I had a good day he said "GREAT" and ran off to play.  It melted my heart.

 .....

A couple weeks ago I came downstairs from getting dressed and he is eating breakfast and the following conversation takes place:

H: “What that shirt?” points to shirt I am wearing

Me: “It’s a new shirt! Is it pretty?”

H: Shakes head NO.

Me: “What, you don’t like mama’s shirt?!”

H: Shakes head NO again.

Me: “Should I change?”

H: “Yes.” Continues eating and watching TV.

 I mean, come on!!  Kids keep it real.

.....

And then there are gems like when I was holding a baby and Henry got really needy and wanted to sit on my lap and I said “are you jealous” and he replied “No, I Henee”.  Awesome.  Yes, you are Henry!

....

Me: “Henry, you are a good kid!”

H: “I no kid”

Me: “You are not?  Are you a baby?”

H: “No!”

Me: “Well what are you?”

H:. “Henee big boy!”

....

Chasing something he says: "Me got it, Me got it!!"

.....

Drops something: "Aahhh, man!"

.....

When he falls or you sneeze or take a turn too fast or, well anything, he says "WHOA, WHOA, MAMA, WHOA!"  Or if he falls it is "Mama, I whoa'd"

.....

He is becoming a bit of a tattler, which we are working on.  Normally it is always tattling on Terry.  I think they provoke each other.

“Mommy!  Daddy No no’d me!!”
"DADDY IN CHAIR!!!"
"Daddy make me (brush) teeth!!!"

For some reason he is butting heads with Terry lately and everything terry does is tattled on, good or bad."

"MAMA!!! Daddy kiss me!!"
"Daddy wash face!!!"

Henry is a bit dramatic :-)

...

He also has attitude now so conversations like this:

H: "I want that!!"

Me: "No Henry, you cannot have (xyz)"

H: "I want that NOW!!!"

Me: "Henry, that is NOT how we ask for things."

H: "I want that now please."

I still chuckle to myself when he is not looking.  I mean, he said please, right?!

....

Me singing..

H: "STOP. No singing, mom!!  STOP SINGING NOW."

Mr. attitude.

OR

"shhhhhh, no talk mommy!!!". Uh, really.  You know you are a kid and we are adults, right. Oh, did I mention he thinks he is an adult?!

....

Of course though, out of everything he says to me or anyone else, my absolute favorite is:

Me: “Henry, I love you.”

H: “Yub you too.”

Sigh.



YOU GUYS.  These conversations just melt my heart and make me smile SO much!!


Addendum: This morning after I got dressed for work I went in to get Henry ready for school.  I walked in to a smiling child standing in his crib and this conversation took place:

Me: “Good morning, Henry!”
H: “Morning!”
Me: “How are you?”
H: “Great!”
Me: Now standing right next to the crib infront of him.
H: “Mommy’s booboos. I honk. HONK. HONK. HONK. HONK.” As he proceeds to honk my boobs

Nothing like a morning booboo (boobs) honk from your two year old to really get your morning started off right!  P.S. We have NO idea where he learned this.  No, really!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Febrile Seizures

Today Henry had another seizure.

This is number eight since the  end of August.

EIGHT. 

My sweet little boy has and EIGHT freak'n seizures the past 4 months.

It has gone something like this.

One in August with croup.  This was the first and at the time we were not even sure he had a seizure because we caught the tale end of it because it was at night and this was all new to us.  But the ER doctor said it may have been a febrile seizure (a seizure brought on by a fever)  We read up on it.

Then the end of September, he had another one at night when he had croup AGAIN.  This time we saw more of the seizure and knew.

Then the saturday after Thanksgiving he had three.  THREE in one day.  He had a sickness and had a seizure at nap so we  went to the ER again and they diagnosed the ear infection.  However his temp got to a scary 104 on the ride home and he had a seizure in the car and again at home.

Then a week ago Henry had a bad cold and had a seizure at night and then again in the evening when I tried to give him a bath. NOTE: IF YOUR KID HAS A FEVER DO NOT GIVE THEM A BATH!!  If they shiver even a bit their body thinks it is cold and their temp rises and this is what caused his seizure because his temp was rising.

That brings us to today.  Henry had been feeling better.  His fever broke Christmas morning and the last few days he has had a cough and lots of snot, but no temp.  He was in a great mode this morning.  His temp was a perfect 97.3 and he was happy to go to school.  Then around 4:15 I get a call from his daycare and just knew.  Henry had just had a seizure and was coming out of it.  I can't even remember if I turned my computer off, I just grabbed all my shit at work and left as I talked to the teacher.  Apparently he had been outside playing and was running around when they noticed he stumbled a few times and then fell to the ground as the teacher was grabbing for him.  She noticed his eyes rolled in the back of his head and him shaking.  The shaking lasted a minute or so but his body was tense for about 10 minutes. (longer than normal) They had carried him inside while they were talking to me.  sigh.

The thing about this seizure is we don't know if a temperature was involved.  When I got there he didn't feel hot.  But he had been outside playing in a snow suit, coat, mittens, gloves...so did he have a mild temp and overheat?!  Is that even possible?!  (the doctor we talked to said not as likely, but i still wonder.)  Was there a temp and it just went down or is this infact a real seizure?!?!  

We took him to the ER and he still didn't have a temperature.  He also showed no signs of an ear infection (though those come on quickly and he could always have one in a day), no respiratory problems, no major red flags or concerns....well except for the biggest concern, that our child has had EIGHT seizures the past 4 months with SIX in the last month and ONE that we don't have a cause for.  Febrile or not, that is WAY to many seizures in a short amount of time for a two year old.

At this point we have NO answers.  Three trips to the ER, many doctor appointments, and we have no answers on what this is.  And in the meantime we have a doctors appointment not scheduled until the 28th to get him into a neurologist.  It was agreed tonight that myself and Henry's doctor will try to get an urgent appointment.  If nothing, we are looking in Cleveland or Columbus.  This child NEEDS to get into a doctor.  Like yesterday.  We need to make sure he is OK and figure this all out.

For me I am a mess.  As I write this post I have looked into his video monitor no less than 8 times a minute.  I crank it up so loud at night it is almost impossible to sleep, not like I can sleep anyways.  I take his temperature ALL the freak'n time. I even went in his room tonight and took his temp while I wrote this.  I can't concentrate on anything but him.  I am tempted to pull him out of daycare so he isn't around germy kids.  The questions in my head.  What it could be.  What it couldn't be.  What does it mean for him and his future.  Yes, things I shouldn't think about but I do.  I am a total mess and with no answers and him having a seizure with no temp or a very low temp throws a curve ball in everything we have thought the past few months.  New questions and new thoughts and again....no answers.


My little boy.  My sweet, sweet boy.  I hope we find out answers really soon.


(On the upside he had his first Popsicle today and loved it!)

Update: December 31st in the ER again with seizure 9.  On the upside we got seizure medicine and an earlier Neurologist appointment.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

SO MUCH TO DO! SO MUCH TO DO! Is This What the Holiday’s Are About?!?!

This time of year.  Oh this time of year.

I love this time of year.  It really is my favorite.  I love giving and let’s be honest, receiving.  I love the snow and the decorations and the cookies and the festivities and the music and family.  I love it all!!

And it is all those things and so much more that also make this time of year so stressful and that make me frustrated during the time of year that I love so much.

Sigh.

I am sure I am not the only one.  We ALL do this.  It is almost like a ritualistic form of torture that we put ourselves through this time of year.  We put so much on our plate (literally and figuratively) that by the time Christmas day gets here we are exhausted and over the holidays.  To say the holiday spirit is being sucked out of me quickly is an understatement.  Though at work I am trying to maintain the spirit I have left by dressing up!!
 (Those are ornament bulb earrings & a fun green braclet!)

And the thing that sucks, is most* of the time I do all this to myself.  I create the stress.

Right now I have this to do list:

- Order Christmas, nah, New Years Cards
- I still have Christmas gifts to buy (a few people I still have no clue what to get!)
- Make cookies (extra for his school)
- Clean House
- Wrap gifts
- Send gifts to a couple friends
- Figure out Christmas dinner
- Buy gift for work exchange
- Make food for work
- Go grocery shopping (which I don’t think I have done in a couple weeks except for basics)
- Put Henry’s gifts together
- Plan meals for the holidays
- Plan Christmas get together

Not to mention things I want to do with Henry like take him to the Lights Before Christmas, build a gingerbread house, bake cookies with him, play in the snow, enjoy this time of year!!!

On top of that we are ALL STILL sick and I have an ear infection and I have to go to the hospital for a chest X-Ray and all of it just makes feel blah.

I just have NO time to get everything I want done and I am stressing myself out and making myself feel like crap because I can’t get it all done.

IS THIS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT?!?!



"'And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not; for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.  And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill towards men.'"

"...That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown……er, Jenn"

I need to STOP. 

I need to BREATHE.

I need to BE IN THE MOMENT.

I need to REMEMBER THE REAL MEANING OF THIS TIME OF YEAR.

(ok, I am done talking loudly!  I just have trouble controlling the volume of my voice….or fingers)

I feel some strengths of mine are also the weaknesses that create this stress. That is planning/entertaining/organization.  I envision things a certain way and get frustrated when they don’t turn out….and with a child, they don’t always turn out.  I get caught up in the moment and forget to STOP and take the moment IN.   I may not want things to be perfect by I want them to be loved by all and if I think one thing went wrong then it ALL went wrong.   I plan and plan and plan and want things to follow that plan exactly….if dinner is suppose to be at 5:15 it is AT 5:15, not 5:20.  

I am definitely not a go with the flow kind of person.  I have list upon list  upon list and cannot deviate from that.

You see where I am going with this?! 

Yeah, I sound AWESOME to be around during the holidays, no?!

As great as some of my strengths in the details and planning are, they also are the things that hinder me or that I obsess about or that make me miss the moments I shouldn’t miss.

I have tried hard since Henry was born to STOP.  Ok, this last year I have tried.  In some ways I have succeeded and others I fall back into my old ways. 

Like last Friday Henry has his school program.  I was SO excited for this because I thought it would be a great memory.  I got off work a little early (not early enough apparently) and picked up Henry and made a cheese tray and got him some pizza and Terry and I got him ready.  We were rushing rushing rushing.  Henry is going the potty like a big boy (YAY!!), but I was just like…come on, wear a diaper don’t pee in the potty which he didn’t like.  I am not mad or yelling, just short and snippy because we have to go!!  We get there 3 minutes late and I grab Henry from the car and Terry parks it and we run in and I basically throw him to the teachers and see my baby reaching out to me, confused at what is going on….but I have to get him to the program, right?!  Well apparently they start right on time and we missed the toddler performance.  Then we see Henry at the end in the finale and he is looking for us and looks so sad, and we are in the back waving but he can’t see us.  He looks so uncomfortable and sad and I just want to grab him….but NO, I had to get him up there to make memories!!  And while I was recording him there must have been a smudge on the camera because it is always blurry and auto focusing so I have a horrible video.  So we were just going to leave because we were annoyed.  We get outside and I say “great, like the night wasn’t bad enough he now is going to miss Santa”.  

I stopped.  Why did he have to miss Santa.  We had nowhere to be.  We were just annoyed that things didn’t go as planned.  Henry could still have fun with his friends & see Santa.  So we went back in.  Henry had cookies and talked to his teachers and saw (the jankiest) Santa and HE HAD FUN!!  The joy on his face with Santa was like no other.  (be still my heart)

That is what matters, right?!  So I got a crappy video, I was there and saw HIM.  So he missed singing, he sings at home.  We then drove around and looked at Christmas lights and the night as a family wasn’t perfect or as planned…but it was also pretty darn awesome!



I am trying to accept that not everything is going to get done.  That not everything will be perfect or go as I planned.  That if I keep focusing on what I “need” to do I am going to miss the most important things.  If I keep trying to create memories I am going to miss the ones infront of me that happen all on their own.

I admit it is hard, but I am trying.  Tonight I am going home and making a list of what NEEDS done.  Ok, really…you can’t change everything about me.  This girl still needs her lists.  But I am trying. 

What is more important to me, a clean house or making a gingerbread house with my son?!  Getting out Christmas New Year Cards or curling up on the couch and watching Christmas movies with Henry?!  Planning a big meal for Christmas or playing in the snow with Henry?!  Um, no question….my son wins EVERY time. And those, those moments are where the memories are made.

THAT is what I need to focus on. The time spent with my family.  Of course, there are things that I can’t get around and need to do….but I also don’t need to make everything “perfect” or try to do it all. 

Sigh.

So how do YOU handle the holidays?!  Have you learned to relax and take it easy?  Are you crazy like me?!  Somewhere in the middle?  What do you do to relax and ENJOY this time of year?

(Yep, this is how I feel too little buddy.)




*I say most because there are other people who do make this time of year more stressful then it needs to be…but that is an entirely different and private post.  But we all know who those type of people are!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Thankful - Days 9 - 17

(Please note I thought I hit publish but apparently hit save….this was suppose to post yesterday. Of course it was....)


So today is a TOTAL Monday for me.  I am a straight up grouch.  Totally unpleasant to be around and really don’t want most people to be around me.  I woke up with an upset stomach, I was stuck in a 4 mile back up on the highway this morning which caused me to be late to work, the power went off 4 times in 15 minutes at work (so basically once I got my computer restarted and things up it went out again), all the letters I was working on are in read only mood which is just annoying, I was getting off the highway today and stopped at the light when I see not one but TWO people driving and texting as they are getting on the highway (STOP TEXTING WHILE YOU DRIVE!!!!), for some reason I am so tired that I can barely stay awake, and I am annoyed with myself for being so crabby.  I mean, in the big scheme of things I have NO reason to be such a grouch.  But I am.

SO…..

I think that I really need to post the things I was thankful for last week.  Today is annoying and sucks but I needed to be reminded of those things that have been good or make me happy and that I am thankful for.  It may not help my mood completely, but I am trying.

November 1st – 8th HERE.

9th – Amazon Prime account and free two-day shipping!!  We are now proud owners of an Amazon Prime account and I must say I LOVE IT.  Thank you mom and dad for the early Christmas gift!!  All the free movies and TV shows, free books and games AND free two-day shipping….that I shared with my mom and sister.  Yep, I am thankful for you Amazon prime….especially since we don’t have cable anymore.

10th – A Happy child.  For the last two weeks Henry has been fighting off croup.  And while the cough is the only thing that has been lingering the past couple days, he has still not been himself.  That is, until today!  Today he is his old self again.  Happy, funny, energetic….I love it.  I am thankful that he is getting better and that we have our happy (eh – most of the time) child back!!

11th – Veterans.  THANK YOU.  I really don’t know what I can say for those who have and are fighting to protect our country.  You and your families do so much and give up so much more that I feel “Thank you” just isn’t enough.  But today, and every day, I am thankful for your service and for you.

12th – Pictures with Santa and celebrating the holidays with my son!  Today we took Henry to get his very first pictures taken with Santa and folks he LOVED that jolly old man in a red suit!!!  (Post HERE) This makes me happy and I feel VERY thankful that I get to share these special moments with Terry and our son.  To see all the wonders of the holiday season through his eyes.  To witness him see Santa for the first time and walk up so proud and grin as big as he possibly can.  To be forced to take in all the holiday things I may have been in too much of a hurry and overlooked in the past.  To bear witness to all those things and force me to stop and listen to him in the softest and sweetest of voices utter “WOOOOOW.”  Sigh.  I am so thankful for this.

13th – Friends.  I am so thankful to have my friends in my life.  I used to be a loner (and still am in many ways) and never had many friends that I felt extremely close to.  I cared for a handful of people but was always awkward and kept my guard up.  But then I got out of college and started opening up more and making real friends.  The past few years has really proven just how important and valuable these relationships are and I cherish them so much.  And I cherish being able to talk to them about anything.  Something funny, just chit chat about the day, things that are serious…whatever.  Of course I still do most of this via email as in person or on the phone I can still be awkward :-)  But my friends get that and accept me for me and I truly love and care for these individuals so much and feel so thankful to have these amazing people in my life.

14th – For a husband that just does what is needed.  Back story.  Sometime after dinner tonight Henry threw up everywhere.  We are still not exactly sure why or the cause, but am convinced it wasn’t my cooking!! ;-) Well this puking turned to dry heaves and went on through the early morning….4:45am to be exact.  Henry only wanted me all night and finally around 5am Henry and I slept, on the floor in his room for a couple hours.  However, all evening and night my amazing husband did about 3 loads of laundry.  Changed the sheets 4 times before we moved H. to the floor.  Made sure Henry had everything he needed.  Washed his stuffed animals.  And even in the days after did about 10 loads of laundry to make sure everything was washed from the pukes.  I never had to ask nor did I expect it.  I figured we would deal with it later.  But Terry took care of it.  I am so thankful to marry a man who is like this.  Just does what needs done.  Is my partner and equal. 

15th – That whatever bug or food issue that Henry had seems to be over! 

16th – For Saturdays.  Enough said.


17th – Sleeping in until 7:30am!  The past few days sleeping has been at a minimum and since he started going to school more, sleeping in has been almost non-existent.  Well today Henry slept until 7:30.  Yep, that is enough to be thankful for right there!


So what are YOU thankful for today?!?!