I have had an unhealthy relationship with food for a long time. I have always "sneak eaten" and "binged eaten". I get bored or stressed and I turn to food. Even when I am happy I turn to food. I enjoy it. I love cooking it. And I love eating it. I love eating too much. I sometimes just eat, like I have a plate full of food and I have to eat it. I may start to get full, but it is there so I eat. This is a whole other topic for another post, but I do use it as a crutch. Coping mechanism. Something to make me happy briefly. Always have. I need to stop now.
Moderation. Balance. Alternatives.
It is math...counting calories. Plain and simple.
I know this is going to take a long time, perhaps a year or more. I am setting a lot of little goals to meet along the way, along with the end result to just be comfortable with my body. Accepting of my body. To look at food in a healthy way that is not only enjoyable but a fuel for my body.
I am not there yet, but I am well on my way.
How do I know I am on my way?
Because of this...
"If I quit now, I will soon be back to where I started. And when I started, I was desperately wishing to be where I am now."
(Again, from my smart sister)
That is how I know I am on my way. I am 9lbs lighter than I was January 1st. 9lbs may be a small chunk of my chunk I want to lose, but it is a start and I have desperately wanted to be where I am now. And I hope that in a month I will be another 9lbs and maybe another after that. Again, time is not stopping, each day will pass and with each passing day I am that much closer. Stopping doesn't fix anything.
So perhaps by my birthday in April I could be 25lbs lighter (my goal) and buy myself some new jeans for my birthday. In the scheme of things, that is not that far away. I am actually surprised I have been doing this for three weeks already! Again, I am focusing on perspective, slow and steady instead of an instant fix.
I am finding ways to have the foods I love without the extra calories....like a 100 calorie Light & Fit fudge bar from Aldi’s! It is a perfect treat at the end of the day and still makes me feel like I am getting that indulgence without the calories.
So bare with me. I am sure I am going to have rough days. Days I do not stick with it. Days I feel like I can't do it anymore. Days I am discourages. But I am also around so many supportive people, and an amazing and energetic son, that I feel inspired every day to do the best I can and keep going day by day.