Friday, January 30, 2009

Rock Bus Of Skanky Crazy Whores

So does anyone watch Rock Bus Of Skanky Crazy Whores? Come on, I know we all love this show! I am not so much a fan of Mr. Pouty Lips Michaels but I absolutely LOVE watching these girls throw themselves at him so they can either live out some fantasy of sleeping with a rocker or think they really have a chance to marry the cowboy hat / doo-rag combo wearing man whore. I mean, come on girls this is the third season already – get a clue! I don’t think he is going to find the love of his life on a Vh1 reality show.

And these girls, oh these girls are an interesting group of idolizers. They love them some attention from Bret or more specifically maybe they just love attention from middle age rockers. As always the producers of the show did a great job of picking a good balance of crazies, dumb asses, shy girls, alcoholics, loud mouths, and the clique “fan of the music” girls. Thank you for not letting me down.

As for favorites, well I have a list of girls I think should stay on the show because they make me laugh, cringe, and crave more of the drama each episode. But as for actually “winning” the “love” of Mr. I Just Want To Bang These Girls Michaels ...... I really have no favorite.

I would like to share some of my favorite quotes. The first section is from Ashley, the girl that looks like a skanky version of Juliette Lewis, who tends to have the best nonsensical quotes ever.

Favorite quotes so far:
Ashley: “Get over it. Everyone pukes, and poops their pants.”
Ashley: “Bret is a rockstar. If your gonna date a rockstar get used to falling off the stage BITCH.”
Ashley: “I'm not here for you. I'm here for Bret. I want a cheeseburger!”
Ashley: “I'm gonna puke on your mom. She loves it.”

Kelsey: “I have no clue where Champagne is but all I know is that we're going to the bottom of the bottle.”
Marcia: referring to how heavy her suitcase is "Brittaney is in my suitcase.... BRITTANEY! Why'd you have to eat all those cheeseburgers?"
Brittaney: “If people could have sex behind closed doors,what's wrong with putting it on camera”
Brittaney: “I haven't put on skates in a really long time, but it was kinda nice cause when I was growing up I was actually a competitive ice skater. I was so good I was competing against 18 year olds winning gold medals at the age of 7... I prolly would have been an Olympic hopeful if I didn't have to quit... But I really like how my life turned out in the adult industry...”
Natasha: “OMG the pornstar stole our dirty socks!”
Melissa: “OMG I popped my freaking implant”
Beverly: “I will not marry Bret Michaels looking like a hooker”
Marcia: “crazy va jay jay”

Aw….I LOVE this show.



    This show brings me to tears, both out of laughter and out of sadness for the world that contains these skanky, self-respectless girls.

    I also like Bret's description of Marcia's smell: A bottle of tequila and a bag of Doritos.

  2. Like a train wreck, you have to keep watching!

  3. I LOVE this show. Nate made the Juliette Lewis correlation, as well. She reminds me a bit of Paris Hilton, too. Ashley has THE BEST quotes. I can't even tell you how many times "everyone pukes...and poops their pants" has been said in my house since that episode.