Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Not Trying To Criticize, Just Thinking.

So the other night I recorded the Duggar Family Wedding and I watched it last night. Now I do not watch this show regularly, but when I saw a preview for the wedding I decided to watch.

Now I would like to say for the record, though I would never ever have this many kids or even half as many kids as they have, nor would I choose to raise my kids in an overly religious or ultra conservative way – they seem to be doing a fantastic job with how they raise THEIR kids and all the kids seem to be happy, well-mannered and responsible kids/young adults. I am not trying to be overly critical and I hope I am not coming off as rude because they are just following their own set of beliefs.

(ok, now to contradict what I just said)

However, a couple things struck me as interesting while I was watching last night. First their son and now daughter-in-law only talked and held hands (while being chaperoned) before the wedding, they didn’t even kiss before the wedding, they saved their first kiss for the ceremony. They said it is to keep the purity of the relationship (which I totally respect) but I could never imagine not kissing someone before you marry them. Infact I think it is important to live with someone before you marry them, but that is just me. I mean they are only 20, so I guess at that age it is not too uncommon for a young adult to wait to kiss someone or wait till they are married to have intimate relations with their significant other.

But here is my only alarm….these young kids are getting married at the age of 20 and immediately starting a family. It seems like obviously family is important (which is great) but that getting married and having a family is the ONLY real priority in their life. Well that and religion. And like I said, I don’t think that is always a bad thing, but why so young?! In MY opinion, it just seems like these kids are pushed into getting married at an early age and starting a family. It seems as this is all they really know. And part of me also thinks that because they never do experience that physical connection it pushes them into something even faster….I mean they are 20 for goodness sake, what person that age isn’t interested in that physical aspect of a relationship – especially if you do love someone. So hey, lets get married. (I know, a little rude)

Like I said, how they live their life is not my concern, unless you are putting yourself and way of life out there. But more so, it is just a very interesting way of life they have. I don’t think their values are bad, I just also believe that though sometimes you may want to protect your kids, sometimes you need to let them take their own paths in their own time. If you did a good job raising them, they will figure it out and do what is right. And maybe for them getting married at the age of 20 and starting a family IS right, but is it right because they really want that relationship, or do they want the physical contact, or is it because that is ALL they know and don’t think of any different alternatives.

I don’t really know what my point it…..just open for discussion, your thoughts. Just don’t be nasty.

- It was interesting, all the girls said they would not date, but do the courtship*.
-That they all want large families and to get married young.
-The mom had boyfriends before and had a lot of baggage, hmmmm.
-The “Birds and the Bees” convo with the dad – awkward! Yeah dad, I will give you a call on my cell if we have questions on where things go.

* Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval.


  1. OMG I am so glad you blogged this because I wanted to, but I didn't know how to bring it up! Okay, I used to like that show; I thought it was interesting, the family seemed really nice, and they just seemed so darn wholesome and happy. But the last few episodes grated on my nerves. Especially the wedding one.

    Those kids barely know each other ... and it was REALLY weird watching them discuss the kissing/sex topic. I do believe that the mom Duggar is 42. Her eldest is 20. So she started cranking out those babies at age 21ish. Did you watch the episode before the wedding one? Mom Duggar was giving birth to the 18th kid, and she kept saying, "I don't know if we'll have any more" but maybe they'll be "grandkids" around soon. It's like an expectation that the newlyweds have kids right away. So, the newlyweds didn't date, their courtship was basically their engagement period, and then wham-o they're going to have kids right away! So much for getting to know your spouse! The kid (I can't remember his name) kept saying that he just "felt" like his wife was "the one". How would he know? He had no other girls to compare her to! In middle school I was sure I met the man I was going to marry. Also in high school. But then I dated a few guys and then found the perfect person for me! I can't imagine how horrible my life would be if I would have gone with my "first love" and married them! Goodness!

    I'm totally turned off by the show now. I don't agree with their beliefs but I watched because they were interesting. Now it just makes me feel awkaward to watch. I feel bad for the newlyweds!

    Maybe we feel this way because we're college-educated women who had CHOICES in our lives? They don't know any better?

    AND, Mike and I kept commenting while we were watching the show that the Mom and Dad Duggar seem so FAKE! No one is that "sunshine and puppy dogs!" all the time!

  2. I haven't watched this show at all, but this has definitely sparked my interest in the show.

    I too am of the opinion that it is important to date someone for two to three years and live together for some time before getting married. I can't imagine, like Kay said, what my life would have turned out to be if I had married my first boyfriend. Ew. Terrible.

    I'm glad I'm not a Duggar.

  3. I have been curious about that family when they come on the TV (which my husband HATES). They don't really seem like bad people and their kids all seem to be growing up relatively grounded but I have absolutely nothing in common with them or no basis of understanding for their life.

    They seem like upstanding citizens and all, but it's totally weird to me that you would not kiss someone before you married them. What if you turn out to be horribly unsuited to living together? And like you guys I can't imagine what it would have been like to marry the first boy I thought I loved! Probably total disaster.

    I read an interview with the mom and they asked if they thought they were short-changing their daughters by encouraging them to take more submissive family roles and never wear pants. She didn't really answer the question she just said maybe they could be nurses some day. Why couldn't they be doctors??

    not bad people for sure, but weirdos.

  4. Anonymous6:57 AM

    I bet Momma Duggar doesn't even go through "labor" anymore...those kids just fall right out of her.

  5. I agreed with everyone's logic in dating/living together before marriage, until I remembered that I married my husband exactly one year to the day after meeting him! And we didn't live together first. But we were 27 at the time, college graduates, and in our respective professions. I think that makes a difference.

    We have some Christian friends that got married right out of high school just so they could have sex. Needless to say, they're unhappily married now. I know this sounds really trashy, but there's something to be said for test-driving a car before you buy it.

    I will strongly discourage my kids from getting married too young, or for the wrong reasons. Obviously, the Duggars have different ideals than I do. And I can't criticize what I don't understand.