A Post For The Times When It Is "Just Too Much".

Last night we were awoken by that cough.  Parents, you know the one I am talking about.  At first you hear it as you are balancing in between reality and dreamland and are hoping that perhaps it was a dream and maybe a good dream, like one about going to the Zoo to visit a seal!

But no.

You hear it again and quickly sit up, knowing he is awake and his tears will soon follow and so will your morning...at 1:00am.

Luckily you have been through it before so you and your partner are on auto-pilot and just do what you need to do.  There are tears (yet you remain strong) there is screaming and hitting (yet you remain calm) there is lack of sleep (yet you remain awake) and after a few hours he is back asleep and you are laying in bed and the emotions just come rushing out.

You think those words that make you feel so alone....

"It is just too much".

You are annoyed and mad and frustrated and sad and feel helpless.

Now this...on top of everything else going on and everything I have been feeling.  Now my son is sick.  Now I worry more than I normally do about him. (Which is already a lot!)

BUT...you have been trying to be better.  Be positive.  Have perspective.

So you acknowledge the fact that you remained calmed and where a good mom and your little boy is comfortably back to sleep and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself...and soon you head back to dreamland for a couple hours.

Now, there is a point....just a little longer folks.

A little while later I am sitting at lunch, surprisingly not as tired as I thought I would be on just a few hours of sleep.

I want something mindless so I go to people.com and skim past all the BS (I don't care about Miley and her costume, People.com!!!) and I see this story.  A real story.  I story worth writing and reading.  HERE.

It is about these two who were dating in college when a horrible accident happened, leaving her boyfriend with traumatic brain injury.  They had only been dating 10 months and she could have left him knowing that the dreams she had may never be met.  But she stayed. And they got married a few years later.  There is a video...it is sweet.

I normally just skim quickly though these stories, but something drew me in.  Made me read and read again.  And then I noticed she had a blog and I clicked on it.  This selfless person had my curiosity.  Something made me want to read more about her story...folks, I never read more about these stories and am always just on to the next.

But I clicked and the first thing that caught my eye wasn't the first blog post but I blog entitled "For the days That Are Too Much".  HERE.

You have my attention.

It was a short blog and I read these words and instantly my eyes teared up (part of post below):

These are the days that feel like too much, that this isn't what I asked for because stress brought from the little just reminds me of the bigger losses I have.

But then there are the sweet gifts, like the new book in the mail that will show me god. The three hours by the fire with a girlfriend and his smile when I come into the room late. 

The fire and the conversation with her and the staying up late with him is worth it. Because those are the moments where I get to live and breathe.

Those are the moments where I see God filling me up, filling my emptiness.

I NEEDED to hear this.  You have no idea how much I needed to hear this.

It is more than my child getting sick.  So much more.  Nothing horrible, we are all OK and in good health.  Infact, this post isn't intended to say "i am sorry Jenn I hope you feel better", it is sort of the opposite as it is encouraging me to stay strong.

But I think we can all agree we go through ups and downs.  Life gets tough.  There are stresses.  There are things we could never in a million years plan for (good and bad).  Feelings we hate feeling.  Days we are not at our best.  Moments we question our self.  Times we just want to curl up in a ball and fade away into a different place in our mind...even just for a moment.   Days where it just feels too much.

And what do we do during these times?  We focus on all that is going wrong.  All the bad we feel.  All that we cannot change but want to.  All that makes us feel even more alone and like we are not good enough.  All that makes us want to yell and scream and cry.  (Which those are our feelings and it it OK until it is not OK.)  And soon we find we are lost and trying to figure out how to get back.  How to gain perspective.  How to be ME again.

What I am realizing, though, is just when you feel alone and you don't know how you are ever going to get better and find yourself......you find it.

Perspective.

Hope.

Reassurance that you are not alone.

Something truly inspiring.  Something that makes you feel better.  Something that gives you hope and confidence.  Someone who makes you open up and talk about what is wrong so that you can BE better.

As many times as I may question it, sometimes I think the universe really does have your back.  Sending you a friend at just the right moment to talk to or making you click a link you would normally just overlook or giving you a confidant you can share anything with without feeling judged or wrong in your feelings.  

Reminding you that you are NOT alone.  That others struggle and overcome and you can too.  That even though we all feel down sometimes, there is SO much to live for and be happy about.

It gave me perspective.

And while I know I have more to figure out and further to go with feeling better; admitting, opening up and remaining positive are key.  Just taking it one day at a time and just TRYING each day to be better and knowing it is OK to have bad days as long as there are also plenty of good ones.

Yeah, i got ALL that from the post.  You may not, but I did.  It may not make sense to you, but it does to me.  And I need to remember that I did gain some perspective from this post.  You know, for that time in the future (and there will be a time) where I need to be reminded of this again.

I needed to hear this today and I KNOW there are others who may possibly need to hear this too.  So I am sending this back into the universe in hopes it finds those who are also having a rough day, week, month, year or just feeling lost and need a little perspective or just want to read a good love story to put a smile on their face!

A simple and inspiring story about love and hardship and dedication and persevering through those struggles.  A reminder that no matter how tough it may seem and when you just feel it is too much that sometimes right around the corner there are those moments that give us hope, make us feel loved, and remind us we are not alone....no matter what we are going through.

Henry, No. Henry, Stop That. Henry, Listen to Me. HENRY NO!

So let me preface, like any parent feels the need to do, by saying overall Henry is a really really GREAT child.  (Just wait for the but…) He is funny and laughs all the time.  (keep waiting…) He so incredibly sweet and will always usually give out hugs and kisses when asked. (wait for it….)  He LOVES to help and he is an awesome little helper.   BUT (oh, there it is) he doesn’t always listen and has a big temper when he doesn’t get his way. And while he does listen at times, this is a growing problem and the lack of listening is becoming more and more frequent.

Now, I am sure most parents of kids older than mine are saying “yeah, that is just a toddler. Why are you writing a long blog post for something that is normal?!”

Well, because I don’t know how to get my child TO listen.

I wrote a post awhile back that talked about multiple things, one being the frustration of extreme independence and not listening. HERE (#5)

As I mentioned in the post I feel like I am constantly saying NO.

Henry, NO.  Put that down! NO, Get away from that! DON’T touch that!! You will get hurt!  Don’t stand on that!  Don’t put that up your nose/in your ear! Henry, STOP IT!!!

I don’t know about any of you, but sometimes always feeling like the “bad guy” or saying “NO” all the time can wear on you a bit.  Though terry tells me to get use to it, it is part of being a parent, I just want him to listen more, especially with important things like running away from us, getting into stuff that is dangerous for a 2 year old, or doing things that are unsafe. (and believe me, Henry likes to do things that are unsafe)

Now that Henry has really started talking more (He is saying SO much and talking in sentences and actually trying to say words…WOOHOO!!!) his independence aka stubbornness is growing and he is not listening as much as he once was.  Everything, and I mean EV.ER.Y.THING. IS….NO.  ME. I DO IT. NO. MEMEMEMEME.   He is also big and can reach nearly everywhere and wants to touch and get into everything.  And he does stuff and gets into stuff even when I ask him to stop.

Henry, stop turning the lights on and off! (as he laughs)

Henry, put the phone down! (as he refuses to even look at me and proceeds to keep pushing buttons on the phone.)

Henry, do not stand on the table! (as he jumps and purposely falls into my arms when I go over to get him down.)

Henry, stop!  Get back here! (as he runs away and I am chasing him….which is a sight)

Henry, get out of the trash!  It is yucky!  (as he proceeds to pick out pieces of trash)

Henry, you need to listen!  Look at me and listen and play with this cool toy (as he ignores me and continues with what he is doing)

There is NO denying this child is stubborn, I mean look at his mom and dad, and extremely curious and into everything.  And while I want him to have independence and do things on his own, I also need him to listen.

Perhaps this is all normal and I just need to continue with what I am doing and he will grow out of it.  The "he will grow out of it" statement seems to be a common thing with kids.  

But I want to try to get him to listen better.

I have tried getting down on his level.  I have tried quietly saying “no” or “no thank you”.  I have tried explaining why he needs to listen.  I have tried time outs.  I have tried yelling.  I have tried ALL of the above at once just to stop him from doing one thing.  Sometimes after trying everything or saying NO 22 times he will stop (though goes back to it later).  And sometimes it takes me physically removing him from what he is doing, which means Baby Hulk comes out and Baby Hulk no like when I say NO.  Baby Hulk SMASH and hit mommy and fall to the ground screaming.

Obviously, we have some communication issues.

I totally get that he just turned two and that we need to teach him and reinforce good listening.  But HOW do I do that?!?! 

I think I just don’t know the best way to communicate with Henry.  T & I talk to Henry pretty much like we talk to each other.  I know I have had to get use to changing the inflection of my voice and trying to be quieter because I can be loud….Terry and I can be loud.  We get excited and talk loudly and laugh loudly and we forget sometimes and talk loudly to Henry.  So we are working on softer tones, not baby talk, but I more rhythmic talk for things that are good and a more stern tone with things that are bad.  But yeah….that doesn’t always work!!

Maybe I need to stick to one way to correct him….which is hard with two parents with two different styles and whom he listens to differently depending on which parent it is.  Maybe he is bored and just very very active and we need to bring in his focus on different things so he is constantly doing the productive stuff instead of getting into everything he shouldn't.  Maybe I need to teach him when to listen, though I don’t know how to do that!

Do you have a stubborn child who doesn’t listen?!?!  How do you communicate with your kids?  How do you get them to listen and focus?!

I have seriously started looking for books on Amazon, but lets be real....I won't read those ;-)

Talk to Me - Getting Older

I totally acknowledge this post may come off as vain or like I am complaining, even though I am trying to make it fairly light and funny.  However, I don’t know of any woman who likes the changes that happen to our bodies as we age and especially changes post kid.  And what is even more frustrating is men seem to get younger looking as they age which makes women look even more broke down as they get older even if that is NOT the case and they look great.  Feminist….back off!!  So I am not complaining (maybe a little) because I am OK with getting older, I am just not OK with looking the same age as my husband who is 7 years older and having more facial hair then my husband...

Ok Ladies (and men if any read this blog) let’s talk getting older.  Specifically, getting older and your look.

Now let me preface and say by NO MEANS do I think I am old, but I also think I am reaching the age where I can no longer deny the fact that I am getting older and things are changing and I am looking older.  My body is changing.  My look is changing.  I feel different and am noticing things I have never noticed before.  And the last time I went to the store I wasn’t carded and she just put in a random birthday, so there is that...

Now I never thought I was someone who cared about my appearance.  I very rarely wear make-up, I don’t use lotions and creams, I wear my hair up and messy about 96% of the time, my clothes…well you could say they are dated and ill fitting, I get a haircut once or twice a year, and if I don’t like the way I look I just don’t go out in public….which is OK with me. 

I mean honestly, it is too bad that What Not To Wear is ending because I probably could benefit from a makeover.  But I just have not put too much effort into my appearance, which I think can be good and bad.   I probably should have made a little more effort over the years, I just always felt uncomfortable with beauty and fashion.  Perhaps it was because for so much of my life I tried to go unnoticed by my peers, just blend into the background, that for me to wear makeup or fashionable clothing I feel like it would draw too much attention to myself and that makes me uncomfortable.  Though I totally get that by NOT doing those things I am also drawing attention to myself, but it is hard to argue with crazy person logic!!

So what does this have to do with changes in my look and getting older?!?!

Well, now that I am getting older I am finding it harder to continue the way I have all these years.  I am thinking I need help.  I need to hide stuff.  Cover things up.  

So what is changing, you ask.  Well let me tell you.

1. I am growing a beard.  Ok, maybe not like this…

….but I have so many little dark and light hairs on my chin.  I am going to be that lady that has one really long hair growing on her neck that I don’t see but everyone else sees it and stares at it and thinks “WHY WON’T SHE PLUCK IT” but they never say anything and it is the big elephant hair in the room that no one talks about.  UGH.

I am seriously obsessed with trying to pluck every hair and I feel like they are just multiplying and it is so frustrating.  I know that most people don’t get close enough to me to really see them, but I see them and know they are there and on really sunny days there is no hiding them.  Dim lighting is my friend.

2. I have been getting pimples. Yep, 33 and breaking out on my face and my back like I was 15 years old boy!!  I have been lucky that I have not had a huge problem with pimples in the past, but apparently now it is an issue.  Sure hormones and stress can be a cause, but it is just weird and annoying that now I am breaking out.

3. My skin.  Yes, in general my skin is changing.  It isn’t as taut as it once was.  It is blotchy and dull and just blah.  I have circles under my eyes the size of half dollars and my once wrinkle free forehead now contains a crevasse that I feel I could store my change in.  And just wait until the winter months….I will turn my head and half of my face will flake off!  Awesome.  

4. Hair.  Besides losing tons of hair on a daily basis, I am also the proud owner of grey hair.  After I had Henry I found my first grey hair.  I heard that happened post pregnancy so of course like any normal person I quickly pulled it out and denied that it even had happened.  And all was good.  Until this weekend when I saw this…..

Grey hairs!!!!  WTF?!?!  When did those get there?!  If having blotchy skin, pimples, and a beard wasn’t enough, now I have grey hairSSSS?!  I really thought that being grey free was the one thing I had going for me, the one thing that didn’t make me feel like I was getting older.  And then I was bitch slapped by a stray coarse grey hair and reminded that, yes Jenn, you are aging. 

5. Boobs. All I am going to say about this is that boobs post kid fuck’n SUCK.  Pardon my language, but your boobs should hit you in the face when you jump, not smack you in the vagina or rest comfortably on the post baby jelly belly you still have.  But I still have hope for this as I promised Terry that when we were in a better place financially I would get a boob lift and he can get a ball lift.  :-) So there is hope!!!

6. Body.  My body is just different.  Things are jiggling more and sagging more and clothes just fit weird.  And I just feel at this in between with clothes.  Like, what is appropriate and what doesn’t make me look old but what also doesn’t make me look like I am trying too hard or trying to look like my 25 year old sister.  I know working out would help some of this.  I will get on that.  

There is also just things creaking and snapping that shouldn’t make noise and haven’t in the past.  Or soreness that I have never had before.  Like today with the weather, I feel and sound like a 90 year old!  And don’t get me started on things happening below the belt.  That is just a hot mess.  Probably literally. Sigh.

Someone at work told me some of this could because I am off birth control and haven’t been on it for 4+ years and my hormones are just a crazy mess and that is what is causing some of these issues. WHAT, YOU THINK ME AND MY HORMONES ARE A CRAZY MESS?!?!  YOUR HORMONES ARE A CRAZY MESS!!! 

She may be right…..

And while she may be right and getting my hormones readjusted may help a little with some things, I think I have to face the reality that with each decade I enter things change and therefore I need to adjust. 

First adjustment is signing up for AARP and bingo night at the senior center Fridays at 6:30. 

Second is taking care of my skin. I have always said I need to do this, but just hate the feeling of anything on my face.  But it is more than apparent that I need something now.  I am looking at different lotions for my face. (What do you use?!?!)  I also think my first trip to a dermatologist may be good.

Third, I need to lose weight.  Mostly for health, but I also think if I can be happy with my weight I will be happier with my overall appearance.

As for my beard, well I am still trying to figure that one out….

I know that aging is inevitable and though it may not sound like it and this post has sounded totally vain, I think I am OK with getting older.  I am just not OK with all these things that seem to be showing up all at once that make me feel older than what I am.  I mean, can’t I just have ONE of these as a problem?!

Talk to me!!  This is the face of someone who needs advice!!  And some strong moisturizer.  And her bangs cut. And some concealer.

What do YOU do in regards to aging?  Deny it?  Use lots of lotions and potions?  Seek help from a witch doctor?  Use natural remedies?  Take lots of vitamins and supplements?  Stay indoors and avoid all mirrors or reflective services?! All of the above?

Done By 5pm

So after two years we are officially transitioning to a new work/day care schedule.  WOOHOO!!!

You guys, I am absolutely thrilled about this. 

Now believe me, I know people have it so much harder than us when it comes to schedules.  Single parents, parents with one spouse overseas, working third shift or working late at night.  Ours wasn’t the worst schedule out there, but it also wasn’t the best and starting to become draining on both Terry and I.

On the one hand we were really lucky that his job allowed him to work part time and in the evenings….especially since he works retail. It gave Terry the opportunity to be at home with Henry for TWO whole years.  This alone was awesome.  But with that came the fact that Terry was only working part-time and to work part-time he had to work either 3-4 days a week in the evenings and every weekend.  And the past 3-4 months he has been working stretches of 20+ days without a day off, all while watching Henry during the day. 

Our weeks consisted of me rushing home and having a brief conversation with Terry about the day while he was in the shower.  So many important conversations have taken place while I sit on the bathroom floor with henry :-)  Then about 15 minutes after I got home, Terry would leave for work.  Some nights till 11pm and other nights until 8:30pm and then every weekend he works both Saturday and Sunday until about 4pm.  So there was a lot of “solo” parenting done by each of us.    

But folks….it is done.

That schedule is over.

Terry is going back to full-time status at work and though he will still have to work every weekend, he will only have to work three DAYS during the week.  No more evenings!!

Honestly when this first started, two years just seemed like an eternity away.  We always knew we were going to make the transition back to full-time and with Henry in daycare around two years.  But when you have a colicy baby or a one year old starting to get into everything or an 18 month old who can’t communicate and is throwing tantrums or a two year old who thinks it is OK to put things in the microwave and turn it on, having that extra person there can provide much needed help and support!

So now we are transitioning to days!  I say transitioning because this may be hard at first for some in our house *cough cough* Terry and Henry.  The two of them usually get up around 8/8:30 and now everyone will have to be up by 6am!  Even I can no longer sleep until 7 and rush to get only myself ready and leave for work by 7:30.  Nope.  Now we have to get a child up and fed and out of the house by 7:15am three days of the week.  A highly independent and stubborn child who doesn’t like to wake up early and doesn’t want to do things on OUR terms but rather his own.  For instance, today he wanted cheese and only cheese for breakfast. Um, OK.  Not going to pick a fight with you about that!

I am sure this new schedule will come with its own set of frustrations, such is life.  But now…now we can do it all together. We can be there so one parent isn’t trying to do it all.  To stop a child from coloring on the wall when a parent is trying to make his dinner.  To sit down and have a meal together!  To help wrangle a naked child at bedtime.  To give each other good night hugs and kisses that are not done via text.  To spend time together, though after two years spending so much time apart we may have to ease into that one!!!  I kid…sort of :-)  To be together.

Yep, I am ready!

HDH – Happy (Belated) Birthday, Henry!!!

Happy SECOND Birthday, Henry!!!

(Ok, this is a little late, but the sentiment is still the same!)

I am sorry I didn't post on your birthday little dude but between the Zoo, party, family, cake, presents and LOTS of fun...there was no time!!!  :)

Oh Henry.

My sweet, funny, highly independent, caring, wild child…..where has the time gone?!?!

Happy Anniversary!!

Today marks my husband and my seven year wedding anniversary! 

Hey Terry, remember that one time we got married?!?!  Yeah, that was cool.

I guess at 7 years of marriage you are suppose to start getting the itch, well at least that is what I have heard a number of times today.  Thank goodness, Terry, you have never given me an itch and I don’t foresee receiving an itch because of you anytime in the future…..and if I do we may need to talk and get a cream!! ;-)

As I was looking for pictures to print and give you in place of spending $5 on a card I found this. 

OK first, let’s be real.  I love you but $5 on a card is ridiculous so it is either make my own or get a 99 cent one with a kitten in a bucket and inside it says “You are purrrrr-fect”.  OK, that would totally be worth 99 cents!

Anywho…I found this picture and thought of you. 

But it didn’t seem complete, so I decided to add to it:

Love is walking hand in hand.

True love is walking hand in hand even when the other person’s hands are really sweaty and gross.

Real love is telling them their hands are sweaty and gross and refusing to hold their hand until they wash up.

Terry….we totally have REAL love!! ;-)

Happy Anniversary! 

P.S. This counts as your card and gift so enjoy it! 

And so you don't think I don't care about my husband, I have written nice anniversary posts HERE, poetic post HERE, week after having baby post HERE, and short and sweet post HERE....see, I can only be nice so long!! ;-)

And So It Begins……Selling Stuff For Your Kids (Not to be Confused with Selling Your Kids for Stuff)

Today when I dropped Henry off at school (which ended up going so smoothly, I think we are getting this down….YAY!) I was greeted by a series of forms in his cubby.  Since he only goes one day a week, I am use to this and the sheets are usually just miscellaneous things we throw away.  As I left I skimmed through to see a magazine from the library, a flyer from a portrait company, and a Little Caesars fundraiser form?!!

Yep.  So it begins. 

My name is Jenn and I have a kid in “school” which means, like every other parent out there, I now fall into the category of annoying parent selling overpriced items on behalf of their kids to raise money for their school.

Sigh.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know this is a fundraiser and to help raise money for his daycare and it is a small daycare and I am MORE than happy to sell.  But for me, I am not a fan of asking others to buy things from me.  (One reason I am not selling Tastefully Simple anymore!!)

I actually worked at the Kidney Foundation for a year and a half right out of college and it was event planning and fundraising.  I hated asking people/companies for things.  It just makes me uncomfortable and it is not in my nature.  I think I am more like “No, you don’t want to donate 1000 plates?!?!  Oh, that is OK, I will just buy them and for way more than they are worth….i am sorry for the inconvenience.”  Obviously you can tell why this job and I didn’t work out.

Yeah, I have pushover written all over me when I ask for stuff, especially from strangers.  And asking friends or family makes me even more uncomfortable. 

But now I am a parent.  I understand it is good for his school, and when he gets older HE can go around and ask people.  But right now, I am the mom who gets to bring the form into work and make a sign to put in the kitchen area and feel all uncomfortable about it.  Infact today someone asked me and I said, “well the cost for 3 pizzas in a kit is $19 but you can get 3 hot and ready for $15.” 

JENN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!  THAT IS NOT HOW YOU SELL STUFF!!  Ugh.

Unless no one sells more than 4 kits I think we are out of getting a week’s worth of free tuition for Henry….sorry buddy!

Mom and Dad….I am also sorry for making you sell all those chocolate bars for so many years while I was in school!!!

So do you sell things for your kids school?!  Do you feel as awkward as I do about it or do you embrace it and go door to door and sell?!?!  

I wish I was comfortable enough going door to door but I would have major anxiety doing that....though if I was forced to, I would do it for Henry.  But only Henry!

This and That

I haven’t been blogging much the past couple weeks and I have to say part of the reason is the past couple weeks have just been FULL of emotions.  Good, bad, scary, frustrated….all of them! So here is my This and That - Emotion Edition.  

P.S. This is probably the most random, unorganized, wordy post I have written!  My mind is just everywhere and out of control!!

1. Excitement coupled with a hint of sadness: My son turned TWO this weekend.  Sigh.  Leading up to this I was excited but sad.  The idea of two has been harder, he will always be MY baby but he is no longer A baby.  But the day came and went and as I rocked my two year old to bed Sunday night he cuddled up to me and held my hand and we sang our song like we do every night.  I loved this so much.  I think Henry is going to let me ease into this two year old thing…..and I can handle that.  Birthday post and pictures coming soon to a blog near you!!  

2. Joy: “Boppy, Baby” I sing this song (in henry’s words) to him every night, while he cuddles up on me and quietly whispers “boppy, boppy baby” along with me. It is Baby of Mine from Dumbo. See HERE.  I tear up nearly every night singing it to him.  I love this time, our time together.  No one else, just me and my son singing together.  So much joy.

3. Fear: We went to the ER a couple weeks ago because Henry had croup.  It started when we were awaken at 3:15 in the morning to him making a noise, sort of convulsing and when we picked him up he had puked everywhere and was just very lethargic and non-responsive.  He also had a very high fever.  That was the most scared I have EVER been. My stomach still turns thinking about it.  After an hour of getting him fluids and awake and cleaned up we took him to the ER.  Of course by the time we got there he was walking around, talking and didn’t even look or act sick. He got a steroid and by the next day started feeling better! But those moments....scary.

4. Anticipation: I am listening to Christmas music already and getting so excited for not only Christmas but FALL.  I feel like I am jumping out of my skin with excitement for fall, pumpkins, thanksgiving, Christmas…everything!

5. Frustration: The terrible twos have made their way into our house and it has come in the form of extreme independence and not listening. 

I feel like this is the only thing I say anymore:

Henry, NO.  Put that down! NO, Get away from that! DON’T touch that!! You will get hurt!  Don’t stand on that!  Don’t put that up your nose/in your ear! Henry, STOP IT!!!

To which his verbal response to me is usually: holds out hand in the stop motion “STOP IT” or “No Means No” or “No, Go!”. And most of the time continues with what he was doing.

I feel like in his mind when I am saying NO to him he is thinking:

What this, you don’t want me to touch THIS?!  This thing in my hand that is not a toy, I should put it down?!  You are not being very clear, do you want me to put THIS down or did you say put it in my mouth?!  So to summarize, I am putting this in my mouth like you wanted, right?!  Oh no, I am suppose to put this down…gotcha.  Ok, I will put this down in the microwave and turn the microwave on.  Great, I am glad we talked this through.

Now I have to give credit where credit is due and in some ways he is actually a very good listener.  He will hold my hand in the parking lot and around cars and is VERY good with routines.  It is mostly at home where he just feels he can do whatever he wants and get into everything or in places that there is just a lot to get into to, like a store.

And on top of that, everything, and I mean EV.ER.Y.THING. IS….NO.  ME. I DO IT. NO. MEMEMEMEME.  He basically thinks he is an adult and can do whatever we do.  Even grab a pot holder and open the oven (not on folks!) and pull out the tray.  Two time outs yesterday for that alone.

Sigh.  There is this constant battle between letting him be independent and teaching limitations.  It can be frustrating for all of us!

6. Confusion: I started couponing a couple weeks ago.  I have done really well a couple shopping trips and saved a lot, and a couple other trips I made a few mistakes and didn’t do as well.  I am still learning, but it has made me more aware of what we are buying and sales out there.  I spend a few hours a week clipping coupons and preparing for sales and it is so confusing and a bit annoying.  But it works and saves money so I am giving it a try.  I will update more in a month or two!

7. Anger: A while back Terry told me I was very angry and if I needed to talk to someone I should.  His words (which were a lot more than just that) hit me, pretty hard and then over the past few months things have happened that really have made me stop and gain perspective.  What is important.  Who is important.  Why am I acting this way.  I have been working to control those anger outbursts and feel like I am more focused on my family and this precious life we have and making moments count…not perfect, just making them count.  Just by stopping, talking a step back, breathing, and putting things into perspective has really helped me not get angry in some situations or AS angry as I used too.  In the sing-songy words of Daniel Tiger’s mom….when you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four. 1…2…3….4.  Ok, I will do that! Good bye anger :-)

8. Funny: I have my own sense of humor.  I think I am funny but many times it is a funny that I feel only certain people who know me really get.  With that said, I think it would be hilarious to make a FB page for Henry and post status updates like “Dids you see the last episode of Caillou?!  He got to go on a boat for real!!  Rosey was so scared…what a baby!!” or “Don’t tell my mom, but I hid her keys in the large drink mommy and daddy sit on!  I can’t wait to watch her run around looking for them and then finding them in there!!”  What, no one else thinks that is funny?!?!  I think it is hilarious!!  Coming from the girl who when she had a Myspace account she would post journals written by her cat. So…..

So there you go.  That is what I have been thinking about the past few weeks and what is going on in my mind right now.  

What are you up too?!

Talk to Me – Yes Ma’am

So I was just curious, what are your thoughts on getting called Ma’am?  Or in turn, calling others Ma’am?

This question was triggered by a few things. 

I first started thinking about it when I was watching an episode of Tia & Tamera (oh hell yeah I do) and Tia was throwing a fit complaining that she was called Ma’am. 

Then last week I went and got lunch and as the person handed me my sandwich he said “Here you go Ma’am.”

And then a girl I work with in her early 20’s (oh that age seems so far away) hates that another women older than her in the office calls her ma’am.

And on top of that Terry and I are constantly using Sir and Ma’am when talking to strangers.

It got me thinking, do women take offense to this?  Should only women of a certain age be called Ma’am?  What if it is someone my age? When is it appropriate vs not appropriate?

I can’t imagine men get offended being called Sir no matter what age, so why does it seem different for women?

What is the dealio – yo?!

Isn’t it just a term of respect you use when addressing other women?  That is what I was always taught.  Why has this turned into such a touchy word to be on the receiving end of?

I personally was not offended when I was called Ma’am at lunch, I thought it was very polite.  But I am not going to lie; there was a part of me that felt older.  And well, no one wants to feel older. But is it because I already had it on my mind from watching that episode that triggered it or was it my own thought of feeling old?!

I mean, IS THAT IT?!?!  We feel old when we are called Ma’am because that is how we have addressed adults when we were kids or how we address people older than us?!  And like I said, after a certain age we never want to feel older.

Definition of ma’am: Used as a form of polite address for a woman; short for madam: used as a title of respect, esp for female royalty

I like to consider myself a princess (that's for you mom & dad), so I shall be OK being called ma’am.  Well unless it is by some gorgeous 20 year old with perky boobs and great hair and she says it to me all valley girl like….then I will punch her (in my mind of course).

What are your thoughts? YAY or NAH on the Ma’am?!

Words.

So I wrote a post exactly three months to the day (HERE) about how Henry wasn’t speaking much and was SO angry and how the frustration for everyone in the house was at a breaking point.   And like all children do, the minute I say something publicly he then does the opposite of what I say to make me a liar.  :-)  

Of course he did!  

Meaning, he started talking more right after I wrote that post.  Specifically, about a month after that post while we were on vacation his attitude changed and he started communicating more.  He still didn’t have a huge vocabulary, but he added a few new words and it seemed to make all the difference in how he communicated with us and his overall attitude. 

Then this past month, his vocabulary has been off the hook!!  Seriously, almost every other day he is learning a new word or saying a new sound!!  He has actually been trying to say and learn new words.  He is learning different sounds, watching how we speak and trying to imitate the way we speak and how we say it.

AWESOME! (I am sure he will learn this word next)

For instance, he learned to say truck and that triggered stuck, cook, book, work, & yuck.

Right now he seems to be learning words similar to jump, stop, help…..Basically words that make sounds similar to all or parts of those words.

His list has grown.  They say by two they should know 75-200** words and phrases.  Henry is still nowhere near that and on the low end, but honestly I really don’t care.  He is getting it at his own pace and the most important thing is he IS getting it! At this point, we are not even close to worried about his words.

He also has been doing lots of word association.  For example, he may not be able to say phone but he will point to ours when you show him a flashcard of the phone and then hold his hand up to his ear and say something, like he is trying to say it or talking on the phone.  BRAVO!!  He does this with everything, even if I show him a giraffe he will point to his room because his giraffe is up there or go find his giraffe. 

He is trying to count but cant say one, two, basically makes the sounds that emulate the one and two rhythm of counting.  Same with the alphabet.  He can say some letters a, e, o…but follows the rhythmic sound of saying the alphabet.

I think the thing that really caught us off guard was a month ago I hear him "singing" and saying what sounds like "baa baa" and "twinkle".  I started singing baa baa black sheep and twinkle twinkle little star and he just beamed with a smile like...you got it mom, you understood me!!  I asked his teacher if they were learning that at school and she said yes but since he only goes one day a week he has only heard those songs twice!  And he was already singing it home. Come on, that is fantastic!!

So basically, Henry is just talking up a storm right now and really trying to say more.  I mean nearly every other day Terry & I are asking each other “so, did you know/hear him say XXXX?”  It is really cool to get to hear and watch!

Way to go little buddy!!  We are SO proud of you!!

...

This list below is mainly for my reference and I am sure I am missing a few, but these are most of the words he knows.  I would say half of these have all been learned in the last 4-6 weeks!!!

Mommy, Daddy, Jeremy (Jeremy is so random because he has only met this person twice and he just started saying his name!!)

Work

Dads at work, moms at work

Train – choo choo

Truck or trucky

Drink or drinky

Cat

Dog

Home

I did it

I do it

I get it

I didn’t do it/get it

Jump

Cook

Mommy cook :-)

Help

Dad no help ;-)

Out

NO!!!!

Stop it (probably the cutest and most annoying thing he says!!)

All Gone

All Done

Baby

Book

Baby

Car

Hello/Hi

Night Mom

Hat

Love

Yes

Go

Yuck

Chomp

Roar

Ok

Down

Here/There

Shhhhhhh

Baa Baa
Stuck

Trying and almost has: shoe, thank you, milk, bye, eye, bed, eat

Unfortunately/fortunately he still signs please and more.

**Update: I read some other sights and I guess they should say 50-75 and understand 75-200 by two.  That sounds more reasonable for a two year old!

Twenty Days

In twenty days my sweet little boy turns two.

You guys, he will be TWO!!

Sigh.

In some ways I already see him as two.  This weekend we were talking about his age and someone mentioned him being one, and I had to stop and think about that.  I forgot he is still ONE!  He looks and seems SO much older than that. 

But on the other hand, I am having a harder time with him turning two then I did when he turned one.  I totally loved and embraced him turning one.  It was a relief in some ways and I still had my baby when he turned one.  But two, well even though he will always be my “baby” figuratively, he is no longer a baby.  He is a little boy.  A little boy with this booming personality and growing independence and he is becoming his own person, the person he will be for the rest of his life!!! 

Ok, perhaps a bit dramatic….but still, it is just crazy to me to get to see and think about and the fact that he will be two and is now this little toddler with his own thoughts and feelings and personality.  He no longer LOOKS like a baby.  He no longer ACTS like a baby.  I mean, last week he told me to "STOP" and held out his hand and I was not allowed in the bathroom to help him wash his hands.  He HAD to do it by himself while I watched in the distance.  What’s next, I will be asked to walk 20 steps behind him in public?!?!

....

This child who makes me laugh EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

This child who is as sweet as can be.

Feeding his monkey...he loves his stuffed animals.

 Holding my hand.

This child who always wants to be on me or cuddling me.

This child who is so cool.

This child who is so silly.

This child who loves to explore.

This child who is a total techy.

This child who is independent.

This child who just does his own thang.

 His hand in a cup of water while he watches TV. Uh, why not?!

This child who is SO big.

This child who just makes my heart so full.

This child will be TWO in three weeks.

SIGH.

Happy Birthday, Kylee!!

On this special day, I wanted to wish you a VERY Happy Birthday!

I have said all this before and I will say it again and again and again, because well it is a straight up FACT!!! (seriously, it is on the internet so it has to be true.)  

You are one of the most beautiful people I know…and this is on the inside and out.  You are so kind and thoughtful. You are a truly inspiring person without even trying and by just being yourself.  You make everyone around you feel special and are one of the most compassionate people I know, always being there for your friends to offer encouraging words or huge laughs.  (and one of the best laughs at that!)

You are a true friend and there is no denying that you are also an incredible mother, a loving wife, sister and daughter, and an overall remarkable person. I feel so lucky to call you my friend!

So basically the thing is, twopretzels, you are AWESOME and I wish you only the happiest of birthdays!

And since I can’t hug you, I am sending a HUGE hug to you.  You should receive it in approximately 4-6 weeks. ;-)

Love you!

Kids – Keeping It Real

So last night I came home from work and Terry and Henry were upstairs.  After our initial hugs and greetings Henry and I found ourselves in my bedroom so I could change out of my work clothes. (FACT: If I am not out of my work clothes in less than 8 minutes from getting home my work clothes disintegrate off me.)

Well Henry climbed in our bed and wanted me to lay down with him under the covers.  I couldn’t pass up the offer.  So we laid there and I asked him about his day and he told me all about it, to which I understood approximately 12% of what he said.

He got really really close to me with his head on a pillow and mine on one as well and we shared such a sweet conversation.

He then looks at me and says:

H.: “Mommy?”

Me: “Yes buddy.”

H: Totally unrecognizable gibberish

And then he points at my nose and says…

H: “ucks!  Mommy ucks here!”

He then tries (I stop him!) to put his finger IN my nose to get out the ucks.

(Insert laughter from both of us)

Thank you my wonderful child for pointing out the fact that I have yucks in my nose.  I appreciate it.  

Also, please let me know if I have anything in my teeth, on my face, or if I have a funk about me.  Yep.  That would be great.  ;-)

Ahhhh, kids….keeping it real!!!

NEEDED.

So last Thursday I took the day off.  I didn’t have anything special planned.  No, actually I took the day off because Henry was in school and Terry was working and I wanted to clean….you know since cleaning has been lacking the past few months.

It is probably a tad weird to WANT to take a day off just to clean.  I mean, really, how lame is that?!

But folks it was NEEDED.

And I don’t just mean for the house (though it was really really needed for the house) but I also mean for ME.

Explain, you ask?!

Well it is a good thing I have this blog….so let me ‘splain.

The thing is, I don’t think since Henry was born I have had an entire day ALONE.

Nope. 

And it is not just meaning away from Henry, but anyone really.  YES, it is true.  I need time away from my husband and child and friends.

I needed time to myself. 

So you know what, I took time for ME. 

But as I sit around the house most evenings, I didn’t want to take a day off to just sit around.  I wanted to DO stuff.  Feel accomplished.  Do the things that I am always complaining that I don’t have time to do.

So it started like a normal Thursday and I got up at 6am to get Henry ready and off to school.  I am learning that if I don’t want him to cry I have to drop him off after 7:30am because the kids are in the gym or outside playing and after some squeeze hugs he is ready to go play.  If it is before 7:30, then bring on the extreme tears from henry and extreme guilt for mom!  No fun for anyone.

So hoping I could prevent a breakdown and mom guilt on my day off I dropped him off at 7:35 and he went right outside, waving at me as I left.  PERFECT.  I then headed to Starbucks to get a venti-iced non-fat vanilla latte (yum) and tim hortons to get a breakfast bagel sandwich. 

I came home and sat down at the table and checked my email and had breakfast.  Funny thing was at first I was rushing to eat.  Do any of you parents do that?!  I have a post on that coming….eating once you have a kid.  Annoying.  So I slowed myself down and ENJOYED my breakfast and the quiet.

I then turned on my music really loud, got into my cleaning clothes, opened EVERY window in the house because it was a perfect day and not too hot (seriously, how awesome has this summer been!!!) and proceeded to clean the house.

I  took before pictures of the house on our real camera and as I probably wont get around to putting those on my computer for 7 months, I am using this photo I posted a couple months ago because this is pretty much our house 90% of the time. Sigh.

 This is my truth....our house is a constant mess.  

I think that is what people are saying these days :-)

So I picked things up and got down to business.

We had an old vacuum that I think did nothing more than push the dirt around as it pretended to clean.  Heaven forbid there was a cheerio or something on the carpet (which there always is) because the vacuum would refuse to suck it up.  We probably needed a new vacuum 3 years ago.  We finally got a new, reasonably priced one last week.  With the very first sweep I was in love!!

I could actually SEE it pick up the cat hair, dust and dirt.  I could see our beige/brown circa 1982 carpet!  AMAZING.

I swept the entire house and then it was time for the big guns.  The carpet cleaner.

 Hello lovelies! 

We own one, but only have used it when we bought the house (nearly 7 years ago) and the summer before Henry was born.  It was needed.

Folks….the result was gross.  Absolutely disgusting.  This was in our house.

 Ew.

You just don’t realize how much dirt and dust gets stuck in your carpet….especially with a vacuum that doesn’t vacuum!!

3 ½ hours later the entire house was vacuumed and the downstairs carpets cleaned and I was sore but feeling accomplished!!

 Me carpet cleaning from the rocker...not a bad way to clean :-)

I then took a break and enjoyed lunch where I could sit down and eat at my own pace and without dirty little fingers trying to steal my food.  And I watched the very first episode of the Real Housewives of OC and didn’t have to worry about having to explain why to my husband or getting judgmental looks from him or have to worry about content for Henry.

I then straightened up toys, clothes and cleaned the shower and then was the FIRST to take a nice long, uninterrupted shower in a clean shower. Lovely.

I then headed to Hobby Lobby and Walmart to get pictures printed and frames and before I knew it, it was 4:30 and time to go get Henry.

And I have to admit, when I drove over to get Henry I was excited to see him!

I wasn’t drained from annoying things at work.  I wasn’t tired from sitting all day.  I wasn’t worn-out at yelling at a kid who wouldn’t listen.  I wasn’t exhausted from just the mental stress of a normal day.

Nope.  I was none of those things.

Yes, I was tired from a busy day but I felt accomplished and refreshed and ready to see my family.  And really, what is better than after a day to yourself and seeing this face?!  The answer…nothing.

I know I will take off days to spend with my family or go to doctors appointments or take care of a sick kid or just random errands that have to be done during working hours.  But to take some time for ME is rare.  But I think I need to start doing this more.  I need to remember ME.  I need to remember that if I don’t take care of myself, mentally and physically, it just won’t be good for anyone.

So do you take time for yourself?  ALONE.  What do you do during your ME time?