Tuesday, March 02, 2010

This Post May Not Be Suitable For Men.

I know this is not what some would call “a classy post that a lady should write”, so it is a good thing I am not a classy lady. I just had a few things I was thinking about and since they were all related I thought I would put them in the same post. Lucky all of you!

Disclaimer: This post may not be suitable for men.

1.      I wish tampon companies would make a tampon wrapper that actually stayed on your tampon when thrown in your purse. Yes I am aware they have little containers to keep them in whilst in your purse or I could throw them in a baggie, but sometimes I don’t always have time and I just grab a couple and throw them in my purse. If not used immediately I may just forget about them and they stay in my purse dealing with the constant movement, transferring of items in and out of my purse, or even the slightest waft of air thus resulting in that ultra thin material covering the tampon to just open and instantly decompose. I would like a stronger material around them not just because I am throwing away open tampons and wrappers that are laying in the bottom of my purse but also to avoid situations where the string of a tampon gets stuck in my wallet so when I am at the store and pull out my wallet I also pull out an unwrapped tampon. Yes I would like to avoid that from happening again as it falls under the slightly embarrassing, never return to that store again during those hours, yet somewhat funny category of my life.

2.     Speaking of feminine products, I really wish they would do away with all feminine product commercials. Seeing a tampon commercial where a young model-type girl is jumping in a pond with a bunch of friends while she is on her period just pisses me off. First, if you experience menstrual pain like I do then frolicking around is the last thing on your mind, though I must say I do enjoy a good frolic. I also don’t need to see a girl who looks like she has never experienced a day of bloating in her life and who is just way to happy….especially when I am not happy. Plus I don’t need to see the latest “advances” in tampons. It is a piece of cotton with a string attached that you stick up your who-ha….what else do you need to tell me about your product?! Take a lesson from Massengil Feminine Douche and stop spending money on commercials. Do you remember those commercials?! Horrible, uncomfortable and hilarious all in one! Mother and a daughter walking on a beach “Hey Mom, do you douche?” HAHA Click HERE for the commercial. (I love the word douche.)

3.     I wish some grocery stores would put their womanly products in a more inconspicuous place. I am not at all embarrassed to get my products but I would also like a bit of privacy when I am looking through the barrage of scented, unscented, pearl, plastic, card board, horse hair, natural, un-natural, lite, medium, or tsunami tampons that are available. But, for instance, the Meijer in BG has their female products located in the very back aisle right by the milk, eggs, juice and bulk foods. People gather in that area and watch (or at least I believe they do) as you make your selection. I feel like there should be an announcer calling your selections with people booing or applauding the selections you are about to make. GO FOR THE BLUE BOX! WHY DID YOU PICK THOSE ONES YOU IDIOT! No woman on her period needs that kind of judgment and pressure.

4.     Finally, I must say that I am truly disgusted of going to the restroom at my place of employment (or any place for that matter) and finding remnants from the person before me left on the toilet seat. (I know gross) I work at a small law firm and we have one restroom for the women and it is typically kept nice and clean. I am lucky in that sense, because I know what it is like to work at a place with literally, shitty restrooms. But we are all polite, respectful women and I feel that it is very rude to not check the seat after you use the ladies room to make sure you are not leaving something there that shouldn’t be there. I mean, seriously THAT is gross. I think if you don’t clean up after yourself you should have to wear a diaper. Too harsh? Nah, I don’t think so!

Aren't you glad I am back to blogging?!





  2. Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! I laughed all the way through this. Brilliant!

    And as someone who's PMSing hardcore at this very moment, WOW do I feel you on all these things!


  3. Please note: I made sure to correct tampon rapper to tampon wrapper in my post. Though I may enjoy a commercial with a little tampon rapping much better than the commercials now :)

  4. I braved my way through it even though it was disclaimed and it cracked me up.

    They probably keep the feminine products out in public to watch the guys that are shopping for their lady friends. I know I have had to get on the phone and ask "now which ones do you want?" I bet that is some good entertainment.

    Dirty restrooms are the worst. I had to clean them for a college job once and used feminine products and bodily fluids had to be the grossest part of that whole job.

  5. "so it is a good thing I am not a classy lady." Made me laugh out loud.

    I had one of those stupid, open tampons fall on a gentleman's foot on a first date. Given the fact I was only 20, I nearly passed out.

    I worked at Macy's. Women literally pooped ALL OVER THE BATHROOM. You wouldn't expect that from the ladies.

    B. - Mazol Tov on completely reading the post.

    I made Louis buy yeast infection cream once.

  6. I LOVED this post.

    And, I think I speak for EVERYONE when I say that YES, WE ARE GLAD YOU'RE BACK. :)

    I agreed with ALL of your statements. Especially the commercials. Really? A woman dressed up as, "Aunt Flow"? Tasteless.

    Here in Meh-he-coe the, "ladies' items are ideally located in the main thoroughfare. Yep, EVERYONE in line at the pharmacy counter (which is EVERYONE from the States buying their prescriptions) can watch as you choose which tampon you fancy. Excellent grocery store planning.

  7. totally agree with all your ascertations. However, i would like to mention the worst sales pitch for feminine hygiene products. Always and they're darn, "Have a Happy Period." What woman on the face of God's green earth has a happy period. (besides those when you are glad you're not pregnant, you're stil not happy to be having a period. relieved, not happy.) anyway, that one irks me. and i'd like to find the woman who does the announcing for that commercial and shake her. HAPPY, REALLY, HAPPY?!!!!

  8. Holy CRAP, this is some funny schtuff!

    I laughed out loud (which I NEVER actually do, even if I type "lol")when you said "who-ha". HAHAHHAA!

    You're awesome. BTW, I buy my "products" at Target because I feel they are well-placed in the store. Like we need another reason to love Target.