Inspiration.

"If I quit now, I will soon be back to where I started.  And when I started, I was desperately wishing to be where I am now."  

So, it has been just over three weeks since I started this change in my lifestyle.  We can call it a diet, but it is so much more than that to me.  I have been struggling my whole life with my weight.  From growing up bigger than most kids and having self-esteem issues in high school.  To losing 80 pounds when I went to college but still seeing myself and treating myself as “the fat girl”.  To over the last 10 years slowly gaining all the weight and then some back.  To now having a three year old and trying to find a balance between him, work, family, and home.....never putting myself first.

I have tried my fair share of fad diets and they never work for me.  Some I can’t stay on for more than a few weeks because so much of your food is restricted.  Others I lose weight, but then when I start incorporating the foods I once loved I fall back into my old habits and the weight comes back.  And with each fad diet failure comes more frustration and disappointment before slipping back into my old habits to cope. 

The last few years have been a blessing but also extremely rough.   The stress has worn on me and been nothing but one excuse after another why I am not losing weight and putting myself as a priority.

But when I thought back on 2014 as the year drew to a close, I thought about how many missed opportunities to be in a picture or do something fun I had lost out on because of my self-esteem and weight.  I thought of one time when my husband said “Hey, lets just go to the lake for the day to let Henry play on the beach for the first time” and I refused to go and Henry was so sad.   Why did I say NO…because like hell I wanted to be seen in a swimsuit and people would see my body!!  

And this isn’t the first time I haven’t done stuff because I am too self-conscious about the way I look to go.  I won't take Henry swimming, or when we go to the park it is not when it is hot because I wear jeans and cover up instead of shorts and a tank.  I pretty much hate going anywhere public, though I do move past that at times for Henry.  But I avoid pictures from the waist down as much as possible.  I hate sitting in chairs in public because they are uncomfortable.  I am just always thinking about the way I look instead of enjoying the moment.  And perhaps some may think "you are just vain" but, when you are very overweight and go to the grocery store and hear a comment about your butt, you start to think everyone is thinking the same thing.

But Henry is older now.  He is going to want to do more things.  I am going to want to take him to do more things.  Like go to the beach.  Take him to swim class.  Go on bike rides.  Run outside.  Go to amusement parks.

And it isn’t just because of him, it is because of me.  I want to do all those things for ME.  I want to look in the mirror and not focus on everything I think I need to cover up but look in the mirror and be happy in my own skin.  I want to wear skinny jeans and boots.  I want to up and spend the day at the lake or amusement park and not think twice about it or worry I won't fit in a ride.  I don’t want to cry over and over because of the way I look or feel.  I don't want to think everyone is saying I am fat or laughing behind my back.   I don't want to feel aches and pains at the age of 35.  I don't want to spend twice as much on plus sized clothes (seriously, annoying).   

I want to be healthy.  I want to change.  I want to be ME.  And I don’t want to keep saying this over and over again.  I want this part of my life to be over and start a new, healthier chapter.

I have had an unhealthy relationship with food for a long time.  I have always "sneak eaten" and "binged eaten".  I am an emotional binge eater.  I get bored or stressed and I turn to food. Even when I am happy I turn to food.  I enjoy it.  I love cooking it.  And I love eating it.  I love eating too much.  I sometimes just eat, a plate full of food because I feel I have to eat it.  I eat past the point of comfort until it is almost painful.   This is a whole other topic for another post, but I do use it as a crutch.  Coping mechanism.  Something to make me happy briefly.  Always have.  I need to stop now.

I actually refused to write this post when I first started a few weeks ago.  Mainly because, I feel I have written it before and failed. Many times over.   But something is different this time.  I am not sure what it is, but I am ready.  Maybe it is Henry.  Maybe it is the boot trend…seriously, I love boots.  Maybe it is that my body doesn’t feel like I imagine the body of a near 35 year old should look or feel….I feel far older.  Maybe after the last few years I have realized that I AM strong enough.  That life is way too short and that time is not slowing down for any of us.  And that if I want to make a difference in my life I need to do it now because the world is not stopping for me to help me or do it for me.  And every day I choose to live my life the same way I have been living with no change, is another missed day of doing something good for myself and actually making a change.  (my wise sister helped me to see this)  I need to take charge of my life before it gets to the point I no longer can. I need to make myself a priority.

This time I am not looking for a quick fix.  No fad diet, gluten free, carb free, meat free, only nut diets that are out there at the moment.  Nor am I denying myself of all the things I love.  It is a lifestyle change.  

Moderation.  Balance.  Alternatives.  

Clean eating and whole foods.

I know this is going to take a long time, perhaps a year or more.  I am setting a lot of little goals to meet along the way, along with the end result to just be comfortable with my body.  Accepting of my body.  To look at food in a healthy way that is not only enjoyable but a fuel for my body.

I am not there yet, but I am well on my way.

How do I know I am on my way?

Because of this...

"If I quit now, I will soon be back to where I started.  And when I started, I was desperately wishing to be where I am now."  

(Again, from my smart sister)

That is how I know I am truly ready to change.  I am 9lbs lighter than I was January 1st.  9lbs may be a small chunk of my chunk I want to lose, but it is a start and I have desperately wanted to be where I am now.  And I hope that in a month I will be another 9lbs lighter and maybe another after that.  Again, time is not stopping, each day will pass and with each passing day I am that much closer.  Stopping doesn't fix anything.

So perhaps by my birthday in April I could be 25lbs lighter (my goal) and buy myself some new jeans for my birthday.  In the scheme of things, that is not that far away.  I am actually surprised I have been doing this for three weeks already!  Again, I am focusing on perspective, slow and steady instead of an instant fix. 

I am still keeping my enjoyment of cooking a food a part of my life, but if you have read some of my previous posts, I am looking for alternatives to some of my favorite foods like Chinese (HERE) and I am testing out cauliflower crust pizza this past weekend and will post results soon!  

I am finding ways to have the foods I love without the extra calories.

I am finding balance between the things I like and weeding out the things I no longer need to put in my body.  And I am enjoying trying new foods and finding a new way of life that works for me and my life style.

So bare with me.  I am sure I am going to have rough days.  Days I do not stick with it.  Days I feel like I can't do it anymore.  Days I am discourages.  But I am also around so many supportive people, and an amazing and energetic son, that I feel inspired every day to do the best I can and keep going day by day.

So tell me....what is your story.

Healthy Recipes - Spaghetti Squash "Chinese"

So last week I tried another new recipe.  Well, I took a recipe and then modified it based on my likes and what I had in the house!

I have heard spaghetti squash is a great food and can be used "in place" of pasta and rice.  So I decided to give it a shot and as I was craving Chinese I thought, hey lets make spaghetti squash Chinese!!

Let me preface this by saying spaghetti squash "Chinese" is NOT Chinese.  It does not replace Chinese.  It is a bunch of rarely used, cheap vegetables play'n like they are yummy Chinese.  

After making this, I am not going to give up my old Chinese food because this is "just that much better".   But, as a healthy alternative that gives you the same flavors of Chinese food...this is a winner!  Like a big winner...something I would make even if I wasn't dieting.

So, back to the spaghetti squash.  I had to be very open minded with this recipe as I am not a squash lover.  The blandness and texture are just not pleasing to me.  However, over the last 7 years I haven't been able to lose weight the way I wanted by eating the foods I was eating, so  something must change.  Enter...the squash!

Now, I think the reason the spaghetti squash is low in calories is because of how hard it is to get inside!!!  This is when you need to be married to Wolverine.  It took me forever to get into the raw squash and I swear I was going to cut my arm 15 times.  I used the method of cutting the squash in half (with a guillotine perferably) and roasted inside part down with a little water in the pan for nearly an hour.  Since that, a girl at work told me you can do this in the crockpot.  Will be trying that for sure next time!

So besides a whole spaghetti squash cooked and removed from the skin, I also cut up a half a head of cabbage, 4 celery stalks, 2 cups frozen broccoli (steamed), 2 oz of chicken and an egg (the last two ingredients for my individual portion).

I cooked the cabbage & celery in a tablespoon of EVOO for about 5 minutes until it is just slightly softened.  I then added the spaghetti squash, broccoli and a couple tablespoons of low sodium soy sauce.  I "stir-fried" this for awhile until everything was combined and heated through.

I then added my shredded chicken and egg.  I didn't make enough chicken for the entire recipe because, well, in case it sucked I didn't want to waste more food than I needed too!

(Which came first, the chicken or the egg?!)

Overall, my first attempt was good.  It had any of the same flavors of chinese food.  The cabbage and celery gave it some nice crunch to take away from the lack of consistency from the spaghetti squash.  Plus, I got to eat a HUGE plate of food, which normally isn't the case when counting calories!!  This recipe was 4 (large) servings and only 187 calories a serving for the spaghetti squash and cabbage mixture!!  (Must add on the chicken, egg, and extra soy sauce as well which was still only an extra 130 calories) And I was seriously stuffed!  You could probably do 6 servings to cut it down more, especially if you add brown rice.

The next day I reheated left overs, added some brown rice, scrambled up some eggs, and added some sriracha!  Oh my, this was tasty!!  Felt and tasted like chinese.  Loved it actually.  And like I said, it doesn't replace traditional chinese food but it is all about finding balance, right?!  This is a great balance.

Some things I would do differently next time:
 - Cook the squash in a crockpot so I do not cut my finger off cutting through
 - Let the squash dry out a bit.  Maybe spread it out on paper towel to remove excess moisture so it doesn't stick/clump together.
 - Add more chicken and eggs
 - Add some more veggies like carrots and peas


Ingredients:
 - 1 cooked spaghetti squash
 - 1/2 head shredded cabbage
 - 2 cups cooked broccoli
 - 4 stalks chopped celery
 - Lite Soy Sauce

Add-on Ingredients:
 - Couple Eggs
 - Shredded Chicken breast
 - Extra Lite Soy Sauce
 - Sriracha
 - Brown rice
 - Extra veggies

Calories (excluding the eggs and chicken) 187 per serving. 4 servings. 
Cost: For the basic ingredients it was not more than $10.   

Up Next I am going to try this with Quinoa!!

Losing Weight....AGAIN. Tasty & Healthy Recipes

So I believe this is my 6,942 attempt to lose weight.

There are many excuses reasons why I keep failing, but one thing it always seems to come back to is food.

I. Love. Food.

There.  I said it.

I love to cook it.  I love to make (and eat) a lot of it.  I love to share it with family and friends.  I love to experiment with it.

I just love it.

So of course, whenever I do one of my diet attempts I cut out nearly all the foods I love.  And then after a month or so, BOOM, I just give up.

So this time I didn't want that to happen as I NEED to lose weight.  Plain and simple.  No excuses.

But this time I decided to continue doing what I like in regards to food.  Cooking.  Experimenting.  Trying new things!  Just with a healthy twist.

So over the last few weeks I have been finding recipes that will be healthy, affordable (because girl be on a budget!), filling (because girl don't like to be hungry), and also packed with flavor!  You know, food that doesn't make you think you are dieting and that you would eat any way.

I will continue to use My Fitness Pal to count my lower calorie diet and will also use this blog to track my progress and share my recipes. Some recipes may be successes and some may not, but I am excited to see try new things and lose weight along the way!!

So up first.....Avocado, Chicken and White Bean Wrap!!

Diagnosis.

(I am writing this down also for my records)


So I talked about the fact that Henry has been having seizures HERE.  After the first of the year we got to talk to a Neurologist about the seizures and what steps to take.

Then we waited.

The end of February Henry had an EEG.  (What is an EEG’s HERE) 

At the appointment Henry did AMAZING!  Which was surprising and awesome!  I was SO proud of our little man.  It is good that he laid still for the hour because it yields more accurate results.

Then we waited more.

It’s My Party and I Will Get Contagious Conjunctivitis if I Want Too.

Yep, I have officially been quarantined in my house today and by the recommendation of my employer not allowed to go to work as I have pink eye in BOTH eyes. UGH. (I prefer to call it by its formal name, conjunctivitis...sounds much cooler then pink eye.)

I have NO clue were I got it, and I sure hope no one farted on my pillows…..pay backs are a bitch. I started noticing it Saturday, as I celebrated my birthday weekend with my family. Yeah, fun times. It then spread to my other eye Sunday and by Sunday night I just felt (and looked) like crap. I will spare any gross details of the symptoms, but it totally sucks waking up and not being able to open your eyes AT ALL because they are stuck shut.

So I went to the doctor and got drops and today I am doing the following on my "day off":
- Washing sheets (that were just put on the bed Saturday night)
- Washing all the blankets on the bed...just to be safe.
- Washing towels
- Disinfecting door handles, railings and other things that I may have touched (even though I am washing my hands frequently and being careful)
- Getting rid of my contact cases and saline
- And what makes me sad, getting rid of the following make up items: My favorite MK mascara, a three pack of eye shadow, 3 awesome eye brushes, and the saddest departure is with my bare minerals under eye concealer and brush :( What sucks is I only wear make up a few times a month so alot of this stuff is hardly used. I am really really trying hard to logically come up with a way to keep my makeup....but I think it is going to have to go.

oh well, at least it is nice outside today and I guess this is an excuse to get more makeup!


Now, and much more importantly I had such a lovely weekend with my family!! We hung out Saturday afternoon and then went to Carabbas for dinner. We had a very tasty dinner with some delicious sangria! When we came home we opened presents and had some Wixey Bakery cupcakes for dessert! Sunday my mom and I made a great brunch consisting of french toast, scrambled eggs and bacon. I love having them up here!

I also got some very fun and thoughtful gifts this year. I got some crocheting needles and supplies, a gift card to Finders, some CD's, a new wii game, an oven safe cooking pot, Giada's cookbook, some bowls, and a Wii Fit*! Thank you T. & family :) So now my birthday "week" has come to an end and it was wonderful, conjunctivitis and all! Now the countdown to 30 can begin.

*I will write more about my Wii Fit in an upcoming post.

Update:
May it be known that Conjunctivitis has a number of different causes, including:
Viruses
Bacteria (such as gonorrhea or chlamydia)
Irritants such as shampoos, dirt, smoke, and pool chlorine
Allergies, like dust, pollen, or a special type of allergy that affects some contact lens wearers
Conjunctivitis caused by some bacteria and viruses can spread easily from person to person, but are not a serious health risk if diagnosed promptly.
**Fecal matter is not the ONLY way you can get this!!

I have my theories on how this happened. One I went to the DMV and got one of those eye tests. My one cat has also been caught sleeping on my pillow this past week. I also find it funny that even though I am on medicine, people freak out about it. I can't wait till this is gone.

Going Organic (Sort of)

Over the last 6 months or so Terry and I have started incorporating more organic foods into our life. Not everything we eat we buy organic or think should be organic, but there are things like lettuce, mushrooms, some fruits and some other veggies that we prefer the quality of the organic over regular. We are also looking at buying some organic beef from a farmer this spring.

Anyways, this weekend Terry picked up a few of these Horizon Organic Milk boxes to try. Terry does not drink milk at all, where as my sister and I could easily go through a gallon in just two days between the two of us. I tried the regular, chocolate and the strawberry milk and I have to say that these are fantastic!!

I don't think I will switch to organic. One for the price and second I drink ALOT of skim milk which isn't really milk anyways but Terry said he wants to drink this over regular milk. I also think if I am in the mood for chocolate or strawberry I will drink these instead. (The strawberry is my favorite!!) Now that I have tried the milk, I might have to try some of the other products Horizon Organic sells. Products here

I like the fact that this milk contains:
No antibiotics
No added growth hormones
No dangerous pesticides
No genetically modified organisms
No artificial flavors, synthetic colors or preservatives
No hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils

Do you drink organic milk? Does it even matter to you? Any other milk products you eat that are organic?

The Yoga Face

So one of the things I ordered from Amazon recently was a book called The Yoga Face. I saw it on Rachael Ray and decided to give it a try. Why, because I am a sucker.

The book claims to “Eliminate Wrinkles with the Ultimate Natural Facelift”. It is a series of facial exercises that you are suppose to do to workout the muscles in your face, thus tightening & firming the skin and reducing the appearance of fine lines. Sounds good!

There are about 23 different poses/exercises for the face with focus on different areas, i.e. neck, forehead, mouth, cheeks, eyes, etc. However, the book also contains other things that may be useful. (Taken from the book) “It has full-body routines and posses that promote circulation and detoxify the skin; massage, breathing, and meditation techniques to help you relax and let your skin grow naturally; and tips on nutrition and natural beauty products.” It also seems to have advice on voice exercises, traditional yoga poses, and natural beauty products and supplements.

The book was $10 on Amazon. I did them for a few days and my face did feel like I had used the muscles there. Not necessarily sore, just like I spent the entire day at cedar point screaming, talking and laughing. Or like how my face felt after our wedding from all that smiling and talking.

Overall I think the yoga face poses are good, though maybe should be explained a bit more clearly and the book in general contains a lot of basic tips which are good for people who may have no knowledge or little knowledge when it comes to the things described above. I have not read the book all the way through, and if I do read it all the way through (which is a big step as I don’t enjoying reading) it will be scattered reading based on what I am interested in. So I really can not give a review on the entire book as a whole in regards to content. I will also let you know maybe in a month or so if I notice any difference. I am sure there are other facial exercise books that just focus purely on face exercises (I have seen one after I bought this one called facercise that gets good reviews...I may actually buy this one as well to try) but this book does have some really good health information. I also think she tried to put tons of info in a book and give general information about everything for all around health, not just for the face (a bit misleading at first). The actual facial exercise chapters do not even make up half of the book. However, this seems ideal for someone like me who really has little or no knowledge on anything in this book, not just the yoga face part.

For $10, I do think it is something fun to have in your collection if you are interested in this stuff, which the older I get the more I am. I was actually really interested in the massage techniques chapter! I will read that one to Terry before he goes to sleep at night!

I will also be posting a couple of the yoga face poses later today, just in case you want to give it a try at home!

An Inconvenient Cold.

(Sorry, I just watched an Inconvenient Truth yesterday and I am on medicine….it was the best I had!!!)


So sorry for the lack of blogging the past 5 days or so but I have been a bit under the weather. Today is my first full day back to work, and let me tell you I am having a hard time making it through the day!!

I started feeling off last Thursday and by Friday I had a full out cold/flu or whatever it’s called! Now I am at the point where I have not felt well for nearly a full week and I am just DONE being sick.

What sucks the most about getting sick is that it always seems to happen at an inconvenient time. I would have loved to be able to take a few days off work, sleep and get better. But unfortunately work is busy and I can’t take any more time off at the moment. Why couldn’t it have come when nothing was going on and I could have taken some “extra” time off?!?! Also, I hardly EVER have plans on the weekend…..but I take a long weekend and make plans and BAM – I’m sick!

Some things that this stupid sickness ruined this weekend:
- I haven’t seen my sister yet for her birthday which was on March 15
- We didn’t get to see Terry’s little brother for his birthday, which was on Saturday
- I didn’t get to make my big St. Patrick’s day feast I had blogged about
- I haven’t given Terry a kiss on the lips since last Thursday
- I had taken Friday off for a vacation day, but was instead sick all day! A waste of a perfectly good vacation day!
- T. had the weekend off (which he doesn’t get too many of) and instead of us doing stuff over the weekend he planned out to do, he took me to the doctor and sat in Rite Aid for an hour waiting for my medicine.
- The medicine was gross!! (But in good news I got medicine with codeine in it for my cough – YAY!!)
- I didn’t have a voice the entire weekend. (which I guess was ok considering I slept for the entire weekend)
- I was too tired to blog, read blogs or even move to the room where the computer was located to THINK about blogging.


I know this is ALL complaining. I am NOT looking for any sympathy – we have all been sick. I am just at the “annoyed with being sick” phase and wanted to rant a little. Oh, and see if anyone else notices that we get sick at the most inconvenient times?!?!?!


Wishing everyone good health and a VERY HAPPY first day of spring!!!

Good Stuff!

So I wrote this post because twopretzels just wrote a post on aging and as I have been thinking about the aging of my face for a little while now and I decided to do something about it with some new products I bought - I thought I would share my products with you!


So recently I made an unusual but what I am thinking is necessary purchase for myself.....skin care products. I normally don't wear skin care products...I just never thought it was that important. I have been pretty lucky to not get many pimples/blemishes and because of that I have stuck to using my $2 face cleaner and vitamin E oil (A MUST HAVE) when I get blemishes. However, no matter how good your skin is OR how good you may think it is you... I am starting to realize I need to take better care of my skin! Maybe it is b/c I am turning 27 shortly, the cold weather, or just new lighting in our house but I decided it was time to get some NICE skin care products and try to help the signs of aging I am starting to get!

So a few weeks ago I went out and bought some lotions, face cleaner and Olay Regenerist night recovery moisturizing treatment. I had heard that the Olay Regenerist line was REALLY good so i thought I would give it a try! I have to say after just a couple weeks of using this product at night I am VERY happy! I don't know if anyone else will notice a difference, but I do! My skin feels better....healthier and surprisingly it is starting to feel a little tighter. I am so happy that I am going to try something else from this line! (Click here for all Regenerist products.) I think i may try Regenerist Deep Hydration Regenerating Cream (it contains vitamin E & B5 and helps dry skin like mine) and maybe Regenerist Thermal Skin Polisher.

I don't know compared to other products if the price is more or less...but my night cream was $18.99. I think that is reasonable b/c it will last me awhile and it works! I am also trying to make an effort to take 10 minutes or so a night to take care of my skin and not be lazy like I have been. I guess we will see what happens!

Any skin care products you love?