So this weekend we put up Henry’s crib and seeing the
crib up was a HUGE reality check. The
reality being that at any time in the next couple weeks we will be bring home a
child, OUR CHILD, and we have to take care of that child and try not to break
him.
Riiiight.
Easy, I can do this as I am positive they come with an
instructions manual and wrapped in bubble wrap and basically take care of
themselves!
WHAT?! THEY DON’T!!!
Well then what the hell are we suppose to do?!?!?!
AAAAAHHHHHHH!
Ok, deep breathes….I am ok, just a minor freak out.
Yes, this weekend I had a moment where I just looked at
Terry and had the following conversation:
Me: Sitting on the couch and surrounded by three
different baby books and a bit overwhelmed “Terry I don’t know how to take care
of a baby.”
T: “Yes you do.”
Me: “No, I don’t. I have no idea WHAT to do. How do I
feed him, how often do I feed him, how long do I feed him, what products do I
use when I change his diaper, how do I swaddle him, how long should he sleep, I
don’t even know if I should or how to give him a bath! And did you know you can’t have blankets in
the crib….I didn’t know that! And what
if he gets sick? What else don’t I know?!?!?!?!”
T: Pausing the TV because obviously he knows I am having
a little freak out. “Jenn, he will eat when he is hungry, sleep when he is
tired, and we will change him when he needs it.
The rest of it we will figure it out together…we are not the first new
parents. It will be ok and will all work
out, don’t worry about it”
Me: Pausing for a moment. “OK, you are right.” Back to
reading my baby books and T. back to watching TV.
I have been fairly calm during this pregnancy. I have not been worried about many things and
have just been trying to enjoy the last 9 months. But this weekend, as I saw the crib up and his
room coming together and realized we are just DAYS away from meeting our little
one I just had this moment of thinking to the hospital after delivery and
wondering:
“Ok, the baby is here, now what the hell do we do?! Seriously, you are giving us this child to
take home without someone to supervise us….is that safe?!”
Luckily I have a husband who is a perfect balance to me
and I to him. In most situations when he
gets upset I remain calm and in the more likely scenario when I freak out he
remains calm. It works. And it is
exactly what I need in these last days of the pregnancy and in the coming
months. T. is not a very emotional
person , however he knows exactly when to comfort me compared to when to not
sugar coat anything or “baby” me and say it is all going to be all right….he is
direct and logical and that is exactly what I needed to hear.
Of course I am still and will still worry about things;
honestly I imagine this will NEVER EVER EVER stop once we have this child. However, I just needed hearing from my
husband, my partner in this journey that it will be OK and we will figure this out together. When he is calm I am calm
and I know we can do this. We are bound
to make millions of mistakes (maybe in the first year alone) and we will need
help or need to figure out what to do as we embark on this new journey, but I need to remember we
are also not the first parents out there and most things are natural and we
will just learn as we go….and if we don’t know we will figure it out. And if we don’t figure it out, well that is
what therapy is for when our child gets older.
I am not going to
lie, while I am absolutely ecstatic about holding our son and taking him home –
I am still scared shitless about the idea of being responsible for this new and
fragile life that WE created. It just
blows my mind and freaks me out all in one.
But I am also SO happy that it is Terry by my side and I couldn’t
imagine going through any of this with anyone else other than him. I know, with him, everything WILL be OK even
if that means I have no idea what the hell I am doing!! I guess I need to just get use to the fact that I will most likely have no idea what the hell I am doing for the next 18 years. :)
Oh yeah – 10 FREAK’N DAYS!!!
The truth is, just like at work, you simply cannot truly prepare for this moment and this entire event. You can purchase and read and wash and fold and put away and organize but no one is really ever completely ready to parent. It's an impossible task to perfect. Why? Because no matter what you do, no matter how much advice you hear or read, little Henry is HENRY. He will defy at least one rule, if not more.
ReplyDeleteYou have to learn WITH him. That's just how it goes.
You are no less prepared than any of us were or will be in the future. You're a good soul, and I believe that's just about all it takes to be a good parent. The rest just falls into place...including mistakes :)
PS:
ReplyDeleteTEN DAYS! HOLY COW!
Yay! 10 days!!! :)
ReplyDelete(Um, I had one of these moments the other day, and we still have, like, 6.5 months to go or something. I'd say you are TOTALLY normal.)
You guys will be great. Like T said, you'll figure it out as you go, and everything will be fine. And mistakes, yes, blah blah -- but you are exactly as prepared as every new parent. And you have lots of resources around you when you need help!
You'll be great. :) SO glad you have a wonderful partner, too!
When I was about 4 months pregnant, my grandmother gave me the best advice ever - find one person (or book or website or magazine) to consult and follow your instincts.
ReplyDeleteI learned early on that everyone has a different opinion on just about everything baby-related. That's because every person and every baby are different. Having one go-to person kept, and keeps, me sane. We don't try to sort through conflicting advice. We follow our gut most of the time, to be honest.
Nothing can prepare you for the real deal. You just need to find a go-to person (ours is our pediatrician - LOVE HIM!) and use your best judgment. Every parent makes mistakes. Every parent has questions. It truly is a learn-as-you-go experience. I'm still learning, every day, with BB.
You and Terry are going to do great! I know you! You are going to be an awesome mom! There may be bumps and bruises, but those are normal - and healthy!
10 days?!?! Yay!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry (easier said than done...), you will be GREAT parents. Instinct will kick in and you'll be fine. Nothing can prepare you for parenthood...it's a dance you learn as you go. ;)
As with most things, the anticipation is much worse than the actual event. (Not that you're dreading this, just that you're questioning things. Obviously it's a beautiful experience.) Once Henry is here, he will tell you what he needs. You really will be able to determine what each cry means. Mom mode will kick in. And all of the information you've obtained over the last 9-10 months will make sense.
ReplyDeleteI had little to no experience with kids, let alone newborns!, and it's amazing how you just figure it out. It all just comes together like one beautiful little puzzle.
You're going to be awesome! And Terry will be right there to help you through it.
I'm gonna try not to be all up in your business the next 10 DAYS. I said try.
You're going to be fine! Its a good sign that you're worried. You love your child and want him to have the best and he will. Two things to remember, children (babies too)are pliable. They're made that way. Don't freak out. Second, you have a wonderful, supportive, sweet mother. Use her. Use her experience and guidance. I can't tell you how many times one or the other of my sister-in-laws was calling my mom (sometimes in tears) for advice, help or just reassurance.
ReplyDeleteTen days (or less), amazing! Love you!
I have no words of wisdom...just best wishes to you!!!
ReplyDeletehe's totally right you know. they don't need that much at first. they're engineered to work you into the process gradually. ;)
ReplyDeletei also didn't have hardly any baby experience and it was shockingly fine. the first few days were a little... whoa, like, you're going to let me leave with this thing?
I was TERRIFIED. I had zero experience with babies and the first night my mom went to bed, Louis went to bed, and I just sat there all night long staring at Athena wondering what I was supposed to do.
ReplyDeleteIt gets better quickly.
Louis was so calm and rational and I'm sure T will be the same way.
You'll be perfectly fine! Instinct will just take over and everything will fall into place! And you have T as your partner in crime.
ReplyDelete