So this weekend we put up Henry’s crib and seeing the crib up was a HUGE reality check. The reality being that at any time in the next couple weeks we will be bring home a child, OUR CHILD, and we have to take care of that child and try not to break him.
Easy, I can do this as I am positive they come with an instructions manual and wrapped in bubble wrap and basically take care of themselves!
WHAT?! THEY DON’T!!! Well then what the hell are we suppose to do?!?!?!
Ok, deep breathes….I am ok, just a minor freak out.
Yes, this weekend I had a moment where I just looked at Terry and had the following conversation:
Me: Sitting on the couch and surrounded by three different baby books and a bit overwhelmed “Terry I don’t know how to take care of a baby.”
T: “Yes you do.”
Me: “No, I don’t. I have no idea WHAT to do. How do I feed him, how often do I feed him, how long do I feed him, what products do I use when I change his diaper, how do I swaddle him, how long should he sleep, I don’t even know if I should or how to give him a bath! And did you know you can’t have blankets in the crib….I didn’t know that! And what if he gets sick? What else don’t I know?!?!?!?!”
T: Pausing the TV because obviously he knows I am having a little freak out. “Jenn, he will eat when he is hungry, sleep when he is tired, and we will change him when he needs it. The rest of it we will figure it out together…we are not the first new parents. It will be ok and will all work out, don’t worry about it”
Me: Pausing for a moment. “OK, you are right.” Back to reading my baby books and T. back to watching TV.
I have been fairly calm during this pregnancy. I have not been worried about many things and have just been trying to enjoy the last 9 months. But this weekend, as I saw the crib up and his room coming together and realized we are just DAYS away from meeting our little one I just had this moment of thinking to the hospital after delivery and wondering:
“Ok, the baby is here, now what the hell do we do?! Seriously, you are giving us this child to take home without someone to supervise us….is that safe?!”
Luckily I have a husband who is a perfect balance to me and I to him. In most situations when he gets upset I remain calm and in the more likely scenario when I freak out he remains calm. It works. And it is exactly what I need in these last days of the pregnancy and in the coming months. T. is not a very emotional person , however he knows exactly when to comfort me compared to when to not sugar coat anything or “baby” me and say it is all going to be all right….he is direct and logical and that is exactly what I needed to hear.
Of course I am still and will still worry about things; honestly I imagine this will NEVER EVER EVER stop once we have this child. However, I just needed hearing from my husband, my partner in this journey that it will be OK and we will figure this out together. When he is calm I am calm and I know we can do this. We are bound to make millions of mistakes (maybe in the first year alone) and we will need help or need to figure out what to do as we embark on this new journey, but I need to remember we are also not the first parents out there and most things are natural and we will just learn as we go….and if we don’t know we will figure it out. And if we don’t figure it out, well that is what therapy is for when our child gets older.
I am not going to lie, while I am absolutely ecstatic about holding our son and taking him home – I am still scared shitless about the idea of being responsible for this new and fragile life that WE created. It just blows my mind and freaks me out all in one. But I am also SO happy that it is Terry by my side and I couldn’t imagine going through any of this with anyone else other than him. I know, with him, everything WILL be OK even if that means I have no idea what the hell I am doing!! I guess I need to just get use to the fact that I will most likely have no idea what the hell I am doing for the next 18 years. :)
Oh yeah – 10 FREAK’N DAYS!!!