Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Pregnancy Goggles.

We have ALL heard of beer goggles, right?  When you drink too much and people look hotter than what they may really be.  Well I think there is a thing called pregnancy goggles that people have when they see a pregnant lady.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have had plenty O’ people (sadly) insult me with underhanded comments, however I can only assume it is because they think they are being nice and just open their mouth and say what comes out because they are under the influence of pregnancy goggles. Yeah, I am going with that.

So because of pregnancy goggles, I have noticed some things lately about being pregnant that I can totally get away with (if I wanted to) because I am pregnant that I most likely would not get away with (or at the least I would receive strange looks ) if I wasn’t pregnant.

Walking around in public just rubbing your belly.

Now that I am noticeably pregnant and my belly is out there, I catch myself rubbing it…often.  Sitting in a boring meeting at work – I start rubbing my belly.  Walking around the store – I rub my belly.  Talking to someone – I am rubbing my belly.  However, because of the pregnancy goggles no one thinks anything of it because they instantly think…. “awe she is having a BABY how cute.  Now I am going to touch her belly without asking her or without any sense of personal space and boundaries”.  (Maybe I am not so much rubbing my belly as trying to protect it from wondering hands.)  However, if I wasn’t pregnant and just walking around rubbing my belly people would definitely think I am a bit strange and wonder what is up with me.  And of course they wouldn’t come up and rub my stomach….or at least hopefully they wouldn’t.

Eating a meal, and then eating another meal.

Ok, so in an attempt to make myself feel better I am going to say this doesn’t happen often, but there have been a few known times that I am willing to admit to that I finished a perfectly acceptable and filling lunch and was still hungry and ate another lunch.  Yes, TWO meals.  I am totally in my Hobbit phase of this pregnancy….and you best not interfere with my meal times! But you won’t judge me because you have pregnancy goggles on and you think “hey she is growing a HUMAN inside her and so eating TWO whole meals is nothing really…she should get dessert too!” To which I would totally agree.  But two whole meals when not pregnant...well people would talk.   (I didn’t eat much the first half of my pregnancy and then I got to week 23 and now I am totally a scavenger. HIDE YOUR FOOD.)

Wobbling when you walk.

Though I am not far enough along yet to really wobble when I walk, riiiight, I notice that when I have been walking for awhile or am tired I infact DO wobble.  But you don’t get odd looks when you wobble because of pregnancy goggles but rather empathetic looks, especially when you are wobbling through Target at 9:30pm and are noticeably tired. Wobble away lady, wobble away.

Looking sweaty/flushed/hot all the time.

It is a FACT that I look hot….ALL. THE. TIME.  And I don’t mean HOTT in the bringing sexy back way, I mean in the unattractive way where I look sweaty and flushed and have a certain sheen on me because of the fact that I am just really HOT. (Stupid hot weather)  However, when people notice your belly they instantly say you have a glow about you and they think you look great.  No people, IT REALLY IS SWEAT!  Thank you pregnancy goggles for making the sweat dripping from EVERY place on my body look attractive.

Having people do stuff for you.

While this one is tougher for me at times as I like to think I can do everything without help, because I am awesome……apparently you can get away with not doing a lot because of the goggles.  For instance I was at a friend’s party and was helping to clean up when I was firmly told to sit down and not help because I was pregnant.  Apparently I cannot do two things at once, like grow a child and carry half eaten guacamole and chips into the kitchen….who knew?!  But with the goggles people see you as having one job and one job only, grow that child.  And who am I to tell them the little one is basically on autopilot?!  So if it means for a few months someone will bring heavy baskets of laundry up from the basement, clean the bathroom, take out the garbage, or even voluntary rub my legs because the pregnancy goggles make me seem unable too…count me in!!

Those are the top 5, but there are also a few other things I can also get away with.

- Sleeping in, taking a two hour nap during the day, and still going to bed by 8pm.
- Wearing flip-flops and black yoga pants anywhere and I mean ANYWHERE.
- Forgetting to do things.
- Eating dessert after every meal…including breakfast.

Thank you pregnancy goggles for making some things during this pregnancy SO much easier!


  1. This made me laugh.

    You can also get away with a few of these AFTER the baby comes. Score!


  2. ahhahaa!! very cute. live it up, eat all you can, enjoy it while it lasts. although that last statement sounded like it was coming from a former pregnant lady, it wasn't. i've never been with child....

  3. This totally made me smile.

    (I rubbed my belly so much my shirts would pill up. Is that the right word? It would get those little fabric balls over it. Tee hee.)

    I'm so happy and excited for you!

  4. You are TOO FUNNY. No really. My coworkers are wondering what the heck I'm laughing about.


    I love your theory & I'm super excited for you! Yay, baby!

  5. Work it! Work it! Work that pregnancy!

  6. You are adorable. :) This made me smile and laugh and then snort. :) I agree with everyone else -- ENJOY!