Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Smart Cars – They Don’t Seem That Smart

This is a Smart Car.

Oh wait, no, I think I may be confused.

THIS is a Smart Car.

So here is the thing, I would never EVER buy a Smart Car. Besides the fact that I just think they look ugly and they are too expensive for what you are getting; I think there is nothing about a smart car that looks safe or comfortable.

So because I enjoy lists and hate Smart cars I have decided to compile a list of reasons why I think Smart Cars are Dumb.

1) My friends’ kids have toy cars bigger than a smart car. (see pic of the little tikes car above)

2) Have you ever seen a smart car driving next to a semi-truck on the highway when everyone is going 65 miles per hour? If you have, then that image alone should be enough to scare anyone away from a not-so-smart car. I mean seriously. Are you trying to kill yourself.

3) When I see a person climb out of or into a smart car I think of a clown car. It really looks awkward and uncomfortable and not meant for someone over 5’2” or who isn’t a practicing contortionist.

4) I believe my Grandpa’s Hoveround is safer and goes faster than a smart car. And is a hell of alot cooler, did you see that commercial where the lady just spins in circles?! That is awesome.

5) I am fairly certain a person could just come by and pick up your smart car and easily walk off with it….if they really wanted one THAT bad.

6) Fact: You would not be able to make it over a speed bump, let alone an actual hill. Though in good news if you can’t actually drive up the hill you can just carry your car up the hill.

7) Question: Do you think based on the amount of space inside the car, that there is even room to have a full airbag, or do they just use a balloon? I am going with a balloon.

8) I believe the Smart car goes from 0 to 60 in a mere 5 minutes and 42 seconds*. That is almost as powerful as most lawn mower engines, almost.

9) I think if you took a turn too fast your Smart car would flip. And too fast for a Smart car is most likely 20 mph. And by flip I mean just fall over on its side.

10) If it hails, rains too hard, or a leaf falls on your smart car it may dent it.

Now, I shouldn’t be all hate'n on the Smart car as it does have a few good features, albeit completely pointless features, but good features nonetheless.

1. It takes only 6 – 1.5 volt (D) Duracell Batteries to run your smart car. Seriously, what a bargain.

2. You don’t have to worry about anyone stealing your car, because really who wants to be caught stealing a smart car.

3. You can get your smart car with a convertible top. Because that is, um, really cool and stylish….I think.

4. You and your 5 year old can have races between your smart car and their electric Kids Wheel car. Though your child may have a slight advantage.

5. You don’t have to worry about driving the car pool to work.

6. Because they made a mini bus smart car and that is just awesome. I seriously must have this.

7. In the winter you could just store your smart car on a shelf in your garage.

8. There will be less dead squirrels on the side of the road, because there is no way that a smart car could kill a squirrel and if someone did hit a squirrel it would cause a lot of damage to the car while the squirrel will remain unharmed. (And frankly, squirrels know this and are not at all afraid of smart cars.)

9. Shopping trips to the local grocers will be cheap, as all you have room to fit in your car would be one bag of groceries and a ½ gallon of milk.

10. You can fit 5 smart cars in one parking space.

So maybe the smart car isn't that bad. Oh who am I kidding, Smart cars SUCK! And if you have a smart car and this offends you I am sorry. Sorry you have a smart car and know I am right! ;)

*This is not an official number, I was just being funny. I seriously doubt the car would actually EVER reach 60 miles per hour. And for the record, I refuse to acknowledge a Smart car as an actual car.


  1. AHAHAHAHHA!!! This is freakin funny, Jenn! I love it when you have a post like this!

    Smart cars were ALL OVER Italy. And the funny part is that they don't have to parallel park them, they just have the back of the car against the curb and the front of the car pointing toward the street. It's so short that it doesn't even stick out far enough to get hit by traffic.

    Yeah, sure, let me cart my family around in that. We'd be better off just wrapping ourselves in bubble wrap and walking down the street.

  2. You crack me up!

  3. Very funny stuff!
    The thing with the smart car is that you don't really get good mileage, it is like 42mpg highway. How is that even that good? For a car that small you should be getting in the 70s

  4. you have put a LOT of thought into this smart car disdain, and for that, i like you.

  5. I know you hate the Smart Car, but I think it'd be HEElarious if you won one:

  6. Hilarious, J. And so well thought out too! :)

    I had to drive around in a little Geo Metro for about a month once (loaner, I was in an accident) and I called it my rollerskate. I HATED it. I felt so unsafe, like the wind would cause damage and kill me...and that was probably 3x the size of these things!

  7. You are so funny! This was hilarious! "In the winter you could just store your smart car on a shelf in your garage." I really did LOL at that!!!

  8. Hilarious post! AWESOME!

    I laughed out loud several times--

    "And by flip I mean just fall over on its side." HAHAHAHAHA!

  9. I remember seeing these when I was in Germany a few years ago before I had ever seen them here. I was like - uh, are these CARS?!?!?!

    MD - how crazy is the "parallel parking" situation?

    WK - ps thank you for all the costume suggestions.