Talk To Me – The World Of Skinny Jeans and Jeggings

I know, I Know. I want to talk about Jeggings….what happened to our Jennifer?!

No, this is not like me to talk about anything fashion related.  I am the person who doesn’t wear anything too trendy, hates changes in fashion, and likes my regular jeans and sweatshirts and that is about it.  

However, I am curious.....What are your thoughts on jeggings and skinny jeans?!  Do you like them, do you think they are ridiculous, do you own a pair, what do you wear them with, are they for everyone?

(That is totally my ass on the left)

Why do I ask, well because I have to admit….I am looking at buying a pair of tighter jeans.  *Insert GASP*

Now, I am by no means a small girl, so I am not sure jeggings are good for me because of just how tight they are  but I have these AWESOME boots (below) that I want to wear over jeans but I can’t because all my jeans have wider bottoms/legs and therefore they look stupid stuffed into boots.  I was never interested in skinny jeans or jeggings before, infact I thought they were stupid…mainly because I am too big to wear them. Also just the name is silly, jeggings…really?!  Come on.  They just sound stupid.

HOWEVER.  Now that I have these boots that I cannot show off properly with my current wardrobe, I have started searching the world of skinny jeans.  Yes, I will eat all that shit I talked about skinny jeans/jeggings later.

But before I go down what could be another one of my many fashion mistakes, I thought I would get the opinion of others.  Others who are a bit more fashion forward and haven’t been living in their yoga pants and tank tops since January.  People who would give HONEST advice about this fashion trend.  Or maybe who have suggestions on how I can show off my new boots in a way that is better suited for me.

So please share your thoughts on skinny jeans/jeggings.  Do you like either?  Have a preference on one over the other? What tops do you wear with them so you can even out your proportions….aka so some of us hippy people don’t look like giant upside down pears?!!

Please share your thoughts.  

And until them, I will just continue wearing them around in my house with my maternity leggings. HOTT STUFF coming through!!

My boots....LOVE.

What exactly are jeggings you ask? See HERE. 

My Original Piece of Art – Slightly Better Than a Five Year Old But Not as Good As Van Gogh

Over a year ago I decided I wanted to paint something to hang in this big white space next to our dining room.  I decided I wanted it to be a swirling pattern that flowed between 6 different canvases.

This is what I ended up with!  

 (Ignore the clutter of stuff below the pictures...we are rearranging for the holidays!  

Who am I kidding, we are just trying to fit 10lbs of shit in a 1lb house, or something like that!!)

I actually finished these in November of last year, but Terry just hung them up Monday night…we got sidetracked in January :)

The picture quality is horrible as they are camera phone pictures, but you get the idea.  There are three continuous lines that flow between all 6 canvases and start and end in the bottom right canvas. 

And to totally toot my own horn (dirty girl, not in public) I must say that even though these pictures do not do my amazing artwork justice, it turned out REALLY good! 

The colors are bronze, black and wine which go with our dining room that is painted in a wine color and has bronze accents.  The canvases stick out about 1 ½ inches and I glued black ribbon around the outside of the canvas.

I was surprised how long these took me to do; it wasn’t as simple as just painting a line….no, no I am too fussy meticulous for that.  I had 4 pencil drawings to figure out the perfect patterns so the painting didn’t look too cluttered and had a smooth flow and I wanted each line to be a certain width and to have a certain look.  Each line has different textures, which you would have to see in person.  (Yes, you can come visit me!)

Overall I am really excited by how these turned out and that after a year they are FINALLY up!  I really can’t believe what a difference it makes in the house.

(Ok, I am done tooting myself.)

My Little Girl is Growing Up!

No I did not have a love child that none of you knew about, I am talking about my younger sister (some of you may remember her as she use to blog before school got absolutely crazy and she decided school was much more important).

Way back in 2008 my sister made the fateful and irrational decision to move in with Terry and I.  Yeah, I don’t know what she was thinking either….but crazy does run in our family!  It was originally just going to be a year, then two years and now, after signing her FIRST official lease on her very own apartment today, she is officially moving out the beginning of January which will be exactly 3 ½ years of living together.  To be honest I can’t believe how fast it has gone!  It doesn’t seem like it has been that long and then again sometimes it does seem that long.

As some of you may know, my sister is 8 years younger than me and when I went away to college I missed out on a good chunk of time with my sister.  Yes, I was around for the important things like holidays and birthdays but I wasn’t around for all the everyday things that happen.  So when the idea presented itself for her to move into our spare bedroom, I think we were both excited to regain some of our “missed” time together and I think we did just that.

We have had lots of fun and have laughed a TON together….I mean tears coming from our eyes laughter!  We have also had disagreements and arguments that have silenced us for days.  We have cooked some delicious meals together while also ordering take out after some not so delicious attempts at cooking.  We have pigged out to the point of getting sick and have gotten sick of dieting.  We have shared holidays, birthdays, and every day in between.  I have been with her through new relationships and breaking up bad relationships.  I have been witnessed to long nights of studying and all her frustrations and successes with school. I have offered TONS of advice; some sought after and more probably unwanted.  And this last year she was with me during my pregnancy and the birth of her nephew and has been able to see him these last 10 weeks everyday….the two of them are best friends already and he totally has her wrapped around his tiny finger!

And with all that said, I think we both agree wholeheartedly that it is time.

It is time for us BOTH to move on.

We are actually both excited that we are not living together anymore.  Not because we are sick of each other, but because it has been good and we want to leave it at that.  However it is time for us to be apart for awhile and start our “new” lives.  Her - graduating from college, getting her own place and living on her own.  Me – with my husband and son and our new life as a family.  Seriously, the timing is perfect and that is why we are both ready and excited to go our “separate” ways.  And by separate I don’t mean THAT separate…she will still live in the same small town and, um, we work together!  But now when I see her we can ask how each other is doing instead of just knowing because we are always around each other.  We can talk on the phone or make plans to go out and catch up over lunch or dinner.  We can be sisters and not roommates.

I have to say I am looking forward to this a lot and I am sure Terry is as well so he can go back to walking around the house naked!  I am ready to have our house “back” as three adults, three cats and now a baby in a small two bedroom home is a bit much.  And I am excited for Kristen to now have her very own place, where she can walk around the house naked if she wants!  I am excited to see her on her own because if I have seen just one thing these past 3 ½ years, it is that she is an amazing young women and I know she is going to be amazing as she finds herself and starts her “new” life on her own!

So congrats to you my sisters!  I am SO excited for you!  And I expect you to invite us over for a home cooked meal within 48 hours after you move into your new place.

P.S. I wrote a hilarious very serious post HERE when she first moved in about all the rules she had to obey.  She didn’t follow them, and that is why she ended up in the basement. Lesson learned, right K.?! :)

Texting with My Son

There are so many reasons why it is great having Terry stay home with Henry.  They get to form a special relationship, we don’t have to pay for child care, I can text Terry as many times during the day as I want, I am 100% certain Henry is in good hands with his daddy…and the list goes on and on!

And one of those other reasons is when Terry sends me picture text messages throughout the day.  Nearly every day I get a picture message of Henry and a little message.  I look forward to these a lot! (Yes spelling mistakes are suppose to be there.)

Like this one:

Henry: “I'm sorry I pooped all over my sleepy time clothes... but I loves you bunches, mommy:)”

Or this one:

Henry: “I mets a new friend at scool today.  Cans he stays fer super?”

Me: "Awww, what a nice friend!  Of course he can stay for dinner, I love pig :)  Oh mommy is just kidding, we wouldn't eat your friend"  (heehee)

Henry: "Your silly! Tanks mummy!"

But yesterday’s texts may be the best so far!

Henry had a Dr. Appt yesterday and he got 3 shots.  So I sent Terry a text telling him to just bring a small bottle of milk incase he needed it, but that I would boob Henry after his shots as it comforts him.

Terry sent me this picture and text:

Henry: “Oh that’s would be nice, mommy :)  Tank you mommy! …whats is a shots?”

Then I got this picture and text right after that one:

Henry: “Daddy just told me….I don’t thinks I need them.  Really I’m strongs likes the Hulks (whoever the Hulks is)"

Me: “Don’t cry baby.  Yes you are big and strong but these will make you indestructible! *smooches*"

Henry: “Whats “dindistrctables”? Okay, I trustest you mummy!”

Come on, that is good stuff right there!!  I don’t think a child care place would humor me and carry on a conversation like this :)

And yes, Terry and I send text messages back and forth “talking” for Henry ALL THE TIME.  We do the same thing with our cats too.  We are a special kind of crazy :)

Henry Donald - 8 Weeks Later….

My little man is 8 Weeks Old Today!!  He can't believe it either.

So it has been 8 weeks since we have been blessed to finally meet our beautiful baby boy!  

One more month and Terry and I will have made it to our first milestone…we both agreed that first week we were home with him that the hardest time will be the first 3 months.  We know it will still be hard, but I think as new parents we needed to set this goal and we say it to ourselves every time we get stressed!

Seriously, there is NOTHING in this world that prepares you for what it is like to have a baby.  There has been great joy followed by intense frustration and then every emotion in-between.  But overall, we are so happy and those frustrations very quickly dissolve when I look into his eyes and he looks back at me and I am just instantly filled with that overwhelming love that I have for this child.  It is all truly unbelievable.

So to update you on the last 8 weeks.

How is Henry?

He is doing GREAT!  He does have reflux which means he can be a cranky butt sometimes because he is not feeling well, but when his reflux is being controlled he has such a wonderful personality!  The faces this child makes are awesome, he totally cracks me up!  He really is such a fantastic baby.  I feel we are very lucky.

Both pictures he is thinking of something very important!

What are his stats?

Well he goes to the Dr. next week, but let’s just say this boy is GROWING!  When we weigh him at home he is over 11lbs!  He is getting SO BIG, seriously…your arms cramp up if you hold him too long with no support under your arm!  He doesn’t feel like a fragile newborn anymore, he has some meat on them bones and feels like we won’t break him!  Also, he is strong!  He has been doing a fantastic job holding his head up since he was very young.  And his legs are ridiculously strong!  This is good as Terry wants him to play hockey :)

Any Nicknames?

Our child has so many nicknames I don’t know if he will ever know his real name.  Currently we call him Hank, Chubs, McRooter (think MacGruber from SNL combined with his intense rooting), he is also McPooter, Mr. Wiggles or Senor Wiggles, and Pig.  And these are not all of his nicknames…poor child.

Any Milestones?

Yes! He is starting to smile now! And no, it is not just gas. He is starting to react to what you say and will do this crooked big mouth open smile thing with this cute breathing that sounds like he wants to laugh but hasn’t figured that out yet. IT IS ADORABLE!  We also put him in his pack-n-play that has an activity mat in it and when he moves his legs things would move above him and he would smile….he is starting to entertain himself! 

I think he is smiling and saying aaaarrrggg!

I love this boy....the force is strong in this one!

 The Smirk!

Henry’s Favorite thing?

T.V. – Yes, we let our kid “watch” TV.  He loves to lay on the floor or chill on the couch in his boppy and watch TV for a little bit.  And I love it too.  Baths are also becoming more fun for him.

 Watching TV with Dad!

Least favorite thing?

Getting dressed or undressed. Not a fan.

My favorite thing he does?

My heart is completely happy when he lays his head on my shoulder and has his hands on my shoulder and falls asleep. It is AWESOME.

How is sleeping?

When I started back to work we transitioned him from the soft, warm and cozy bassinet that he had outgrown to the big, scary, open crib!  At first he wasn’t a big fan of the crib, but now he seems to enjoy it!  In fact, he now sleeps 8-9 hours at one time and goes back to sleep for a couple more hours. AWESOME!  (And believe me, we know how lucky we are)  Depending on his mood and when he gets his afternoon nap he either goes to bed around 11pm and sleep until 8-8:30 straight through or we will put him to bed around 9pm after his dinner, dreamfeed him around 10:30 and then he will wake up around 6:00 for another quick bottle and finally wake up around 9:30.  No matter what he always seems to be up by 9:30am.  Naps on the other hand, he prefers you hold him and not put him in the crib and usually takes 20-40 minute cat naps during the day. (Hence the sleeping at night)  As for Terry and I, it is hard to get to bed early.  Terry doesn’t even get home until 11pm 3 days a week and there are bottles to wash and I pump right before bed and get ready for the next day while Terry also gets the house ready for the next day.  Someday we will go to bed earlier!

Anything surprise you?

LOTS!  But I am so surprised at how fast he is growing!  I will see him and the next day he will look so much bigger.  It is crazy how fast they grow up!

How’s his reflux?

He is taking Zantac twice a day and that helps, though we had to increase his dosage this week.  For a few days he wasn’t napping, crying all the time, and getting sick.  We called the Dr. and asked if we could up the dose and the other night we saw a huge difference.   Also, if I breast feed him, he will throw up while he eats so bottles help him keep down the food/acid because he is upright.  It can be frustrated, but it also seems to be manageable as well.

How am I doing?

I am OK.  TIRED.  SO TIRED.  I do feel sad at times and have had to pass the baby off on Terry and walk away for a few minutes.  But it can be hard, especially when I was stuck in the house for 6 weeks.  I was a little (read a lot) stir crazy and it actually is nice to be at work for the simple fact that I am OUT OF THE HOUSE.  And honestly, I don’t mind being gone all day and hanging out with Henry at night.  Terry leaves for work 3 days a week as soon as I get home from work and comes back at 11pm.  He also works every weekend, 8 hours a day.  So basically most of the week we are “single” parents. Not fun and I don’t know how real single parents do it.  So that can be hard sometimes.  But overall, things are good.  I am good.  I have SO much love in my heart for my family right now that even with all the frustrations that come with having a baby, I still believe there is nothing more amazing than having a child! 

How is Terry doing?

Let me tell you, for someone who told me once he didn’t know if he wanted kids he is absolutely smitten by this child and honestly AMAZING at being a father.  The second he saw his son I saw a change in Terry.  He holds Henry and you can just see it warming his heart and that he is totally in love with his little man.  And he is SO good at being a daddy.  The first week Terry pretty much changed every diaper without me asking him too….he just wanted to do it!  And he always wants to hold him, dress him, give him a bath…basically do everything for him.  He has a patience with Henry that I don’t always show and he loves just being there for him when he needs him.  Terry really likes being at home with Henry.  And I am 100% ok admitting that he is better suited to be home with Henry than I am.  He takes him on hour long walks every day, is very organized and structured but fantastic at just rolling with whatever Henry throws at him, and will rock him for as long as Henry needs without complaining once.  Yep, Terry is one happy and wonderful daddy!

On to some pictures!

 With T. dressed as Link from Zelda!

My Boys :) 

With mom...he just shit his pants and it was leaking out the diaper. NICE

With Aunt K.

With Sopie the Giraffe 

The Sucker is as big as his face! 

The cat is on my lap and so is Henry.  Can you see Henry? 

Stretch and yawn! 

The pout....LOVE it!

With grandpa and Grandma at the pumpkin patch! 

Family picture at the pumpkin patch 

teehee - we HAD to! (My sister is holding him up!) 

Picking out pumpkins is exhausting!

Sleeping Baby is Sweet Baby!

I love his legs and little piggies!

Breastfeeding – It Really Can SUCK (A Ridiculously Long Post on my Experience So Far)

*Please note: These are my personal thoughts/opinions.  Your thoughts and opinions on breastfeeding may be different based on your experiences.  Please feel free to share your thoughts on breastfeeding but be respectful of others thoughts as this is not a debate, simply a new moms experience thus far.

Looooooooong post.  I haven’t been around too many adults lately, so please forgive me for wanting to talk!

Picture this.

A new mom who just held her baby for the first time. 

She has been up since 7 am the previous day with very little sleep during her hospital stay.  She has been pumped with fluids and medicines and her hormones are all over the place.  She has been in labor since 6:30 am and that evening she was cut open in front of a bunch of strangers and at 8:46pm she got to hear and quickly see her son for the very first time.  She was then “put back together” and finally got to hold her son for the very first time 40 minutes later.  She is filled with so many emotions and is trying to take it all in as this tiny little miracle cuddles up against her skin and while nurses and doctor still poke and fuss around to make sure both mom and baby are ok.  Family want to see this precious life and everyone is just overjoyed during this time while mom is trying to take in what has just happened. 

Then, amongst all this, someone comes in to see if you can feed your baby.  Your boobs are out and being manhandled but it is all to no avail as your son won’t latch.  Tears fill her eyes and at that moment this new mom has no idea what to do and how to provide her son with the one thing he needs.  She is being told by different people what to do but all she feels is overwhelmed by something as simple as feeding her son.

This is how I got introduced to breastfeeding and honestly, it left me feeling so overwhelmed and completely discouraged about the entire thing.

Up until this point I had always thought, or assumed, breastfeeding was easy.  Why did I think this you ask?  Well because that is how it is made to look.  I read a little bit about breastfeeding and from what I read the baby will know what to do.  I had heard from people (including my Doctors) that breastfeeding is wonderful and an easy way to feed your little one and such a great way to bond with your child.  I even watched a couple videos on breastfeeding and it looked easy! (In retrospect I think the children in the videos were at least 4 months, no way they were showing a newborn trying to eat….because it is hard!)  Because of all this, it always seemed like breastfeeding would be the “easy” part of all of this new baby stuff.

Boy was I wrong and totally unprepared.

I will say it.  Breastfeeding is HARD.  It is painful.  It is frustrating.  And it is not something every child (or mother) easily gets.

I will also say this, and it may very well be an unpopular opinion, but 7 weeks in and I am not a fan of breastfeeding…at least not 100%.

First off, IN MY OPINION, I feel that breastfeeding advocates (such as nurses, doctors, baby websites) are so focused on encouraging breastfeeding and all the benefits of breastfeeding that they play down how frustrating it can be at first.  I can only assume that it is because maybe if they talk about the negative people may not want to breastfeed….especially a new, tired and emotional mother.  But in the research I did, I did not see a lot about how hard it can be.  Sure, they mentioned issues but the way that they talked about how easily these issues can be resolved made me think that I had nothing to worry about.  Put baby to boob; let him/her eat until finished.  If the baby isn’t latching properly, just keep trying and he will. UH…OK?!

So the frustration I felt begged the emotionally charged questions from a new mom. “What am I doing wrong?! What is wrong with me?!  Why can’t I do this?!”  Which are all questions a new mother should not have to feel or ask…..though I am learning are very common questions in all aspects of child raising.

Now, had I known that breastfeeding could be hard would I have chosen to not breastfeed? Absolutely NOT.  I would have still given it a try.  But as an already stressed mom I would have been a little more mentally prepared and not so shocked by the process and confused by what I was doing wrong and why I couldn’t get it.

So like I was saying, Henry didn’t latch properly right away.  We ended up having to use a nipple shield to help him latch.  I was actually not stressed about that at first and it made sense as the lactation consultant said it was like nipple training wheels and in a week he should be fine.  Of course a tiny little new person may need a little help at first….that makes sense!

But to try to get him to latch and suck properly was a constant struggle from day 1.  We found out early on he was tongue tied, which made it harder for him to latch properly as he couldn’t reach his tongue out far enough to fully get around the breast. (And boy do I gots some breasts for him to get around!)  He would get frustrated because he couldn’t latch properly and couldn’t suck properly.  I would get frustrated because, well I had NO idea what the hell I was doing and couldn’t feed my child in the most efficient way.  I felt horrible because I couldn’t feed him correctly and I was in pain as he would just suck and suck my nipple to try to get food.  After a few days he was drawing blood and not producing enough wet diapers in a day so that is when I decided to pump milk for him so he could eat.  Of course our little piggy loved it.  Honestly, I was willing to ignore the pain I was in when I fed him IF it meant he was eating well and taking to breastfeeding.  But he wasn’t. 

Shortly after that we got his tongue clipped and we attempted breastfeeding again.  He wouldn’t latch properly so we used the nipple shield and went to a lactation consultant (who was great, and took so much time to work with us and giving us advice but it still didn’t work for Henry and I).  He would take forever to eat and never seemed satisfied or he would also fall asleep on the boob; I mean he had to work so damn hard for food and it took so long to eat I could see why!  And we both got frustrated with the nipple shield as it would fall off and I would have to put it back on with a hungry and frustrated rooting baby trying to find the nipple.  We would feed him bottles, but every day I would try to breastfeed.  The lactation consultant called him a lazy eater and said he was now use to a bottle and I should stop the bottle and just feed him for as much and as long as I could for a few days to get him use to breastfeeding.  I, on the other hand, being at home by myself after those first 2 weeks could not physically or mentally just feed him ALL DAY LONG and was not willing to give up the bottle.  Was that selfish?  On the contrary…..it was best for BOTH of us.  He got to eat and rest at regular times and I had my sanity.  

However, feeding him on a bottle meant I had to get up every few hours and feed him, put him to sleep, and then pump.  It was daunting.  A nighttime feeding that should last 30 minutes would last an hour or sometimes more if he was fussy.  And then an hour later it was time to do it again.  There were many nights I would cry as all I wanted to do was sleep and not have to get milk for Henry. 

Then amongst the frustration we find out he has reflux.  For a week, nothing could soothe him except constant sucking.  The nipple shield became an ubber pain in the ass because he would just want to suck and suck and it hurt so much and wouldn’t calm him down.  After week 3 we got him on reflux medicine and his temperament changed drastically.  Bottle feeding was great because we could monitor how much he ate plus keep him upright to help with his reflux. 

At this point I still had frustration with breastfeeding but it was mainly coupled with my exhaustion, getting use to taking care of this new little life, and not being able to properly feed him using the breast (I was seriously determined to nurse him, particularly at night).  But I didn’t HATE breastfeeding at this point and though I didn’t like it I was still thought I should try it because that is what the nurses and my doctor said was best.

And then amongst the reflux, inability for him to latch, the lack of sleep…..my supply began to decrease.  *sigh*  I would go 5 – 7 hours between pumping some times because I just didn’t have TIME to pump.  I don’t think I was mentally at a good enough place to just let him cry for 20 minutes while I pumped, so I didn’t.  Or when he napped he didn’t always like to be put down so I held him when he wouldn’t nap in bed just so he would infact sleep and give me a chance to mentally unwind.  But because of that my supply decreased while he increased how much he was eating at each feeding.  I went from producing enough milk to freeze some of it to barely producing enough to feed him.  One night we even had to defrost frozen milk because I didn’t have enough. 

It was at this point I HATED the idea of breastfeeding. 

I was SO frustrated and nearly gave up right there.  However, thanks to fenugreek, friends advice, and just forcing myself to pump, I started to get my supply up but it was two weeks of constant pumping that did it.  Which luckily he was sleeping longer periods of time so I was getting a little more sleep which helped.  But I thought; was this really what I had to do to feed our son?  I mean I will do ANYTHING for him, but I have never heard other moms talk about how SO MUCH of your day is wrapped up in feeding or keeping your body ready to feed. This can’t be normal.  Maybe I just had high expectations for a newborn.

Then when he turned 1 month and was really fussy as he was waiting for his bottle I decided to just try the boob….and he latched!  No nipple shield, straight up boob.  I was thrilled and so proud of our son!!  I thought “great, I will be able to nurse him now at night and get my supply back!”  But as it turns out, just getting him to latch didn’t mean nursing would be easy.  He would either eat out of both my boobs and still be hungry, eat and keep throwing up (mostly due to the reflux and laying flat while he ate for 30 minutes), or eat for 5 minutes and fall asleep.  It was short-lived excitement followed again by frustration.  Why is this so hard for us?!!!

So after another little breakdown I decided it is back to the bottle and pumping.  I pump before I go to work (and get the largest amount of milk at this time), pump at 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm.  Occasionally I nurse him before he goes to bed if we are both OK with it as it helps him to sleep and then I pump again before I go to bed.  And that is what I am doing now.  It works for Henry and I and I am not going to keep trying something that doesn’t work for us.  Sometimes nursing works and sometimes it doesn’t (seriously, it is like we both have to be in a good mood for this to work right), but I am not going to feel guilty anymore because I can’t always nurse properly. 

My initial goal is to make it to three months doing the pumping thing….which if everything goes as it is now will not be a problem.  After that I will try for 6 months.  If we make it to 6 months I will reevaluate our situation and see what is best….but not feel ONE ounce of guilt if we switch to formula at any time.  Infact I hate how parents are made to feel guilty if they formula feed their children….Terry and I were formula fed and we are just fine! Well you know except for the unexplained twitches and spasms we get. :)  heehee

Here is the thing, I believe breastfeeding/nursing CAN be a wonderful thing but that is only if both mom and child are into it.  My son does like nursing but pretty much because he enjoys the comfort of being close to me.  It sucks because Terry can feed him and he is content after his bottle.  If I feed him a bottle he will have eaten plenty but still root and want to nurse for comfort…which leads to him eating way too much and throwing up.  But as I said above, if I try just nursing we run into other problems.   Overall, he just loves eating and has no problem with just taking a bottle….and when he is hungry prefers the bottle.  But then after the bottle wants the comfort of being close to me.  I really have no idea what to do. What do you do?!?!

Besides the feeding issues with Henry, I also am just not a fan of breastfeeding in general.  It is partly because I feel like I have my boobs out half of the day!  Pumping in general is just ridiculous.  I mean I am milking myself.  Like a COW. 

Yes, it is absolutely beautiful and amazing what our bodies can do.  But that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it.  Though it has only been a week at work, I absolutely HATE grabbing my bag and all my stuff and heading to a back office to pump where I lock the door and sit in the corner of a dark room so none of the construction workers outside the window can see me.  And I sit there, hoping I infact DID lock the door and no one walks in on me.  I sit there holding two bottle up to my boobs just ready to be done pumping. 

I think from the beginning I became frustrated with breastfeeding because I had a difficult time with it amongst all the emotion and frustration and it put a bad taste in my mouth (teehee) and though it has gotten better and keep trying, I have yet to enjoy it because neither Henry nor I still have the hang of it.  As amazing as it is, it really doesn’t seem natural to me. And at this point I don’t love it…..but I don’t hate it either.  I am totally indifferent about it and want to do it for my son for as long as I can.  But to me it is nothing more than something extra I am able to do for Henry.  And for him I will do it and not regret doing it AT ALL.  But that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy pumping 7 times a day.  It doesn’t mean I like that my nipples always feel sore and are freak’n HUGE. It doesn’t mean I like to leak when I get too full. It doesn’t mean I like sitting in the back seat of my car pumping with a hand pump because my husband and I are out all day and I need to pump.  It doesn’t mean I enjoy 20-30 minutes of the same sound the stupid pump makes.  It doesn’t mean I like cleaning ALL the bottle and pieces to the pump and taking with me a cooler to keep the milk in.  It doesn’t mean I like that I feel it is ALL about pumping/breastfeeding in my life right now.  It doesn’t mean I like that I feel I have NO control over my body and that it is no longer mine.  And I don’t like that in the 5 hours I spend with my son when I get home an hour and a half of that I have milk coming out of my boobs.

So to end this ridiculously long rant and post I guess I am just sharing what was never really shared fully with me…..that breastfeeding is frustrating and hard.  And that it is 100% OK if you don’t enjoy it or don’t get it right away.  Do what YOU want to do and don’t feel an ounce of guilt if breastfeeding doesn’t go as you planned.  You may love it and do it for as long as you can and that is fantastic!  You may not nurse but just pump and that is great too!  You may decide that breastfeeding isn’t for you or maybe you are unable to do and you feed your child formula and that is just fine too! 

I think what all these people forgot to tell me was that it had NOTHING to do with how I fed him but the emotion and time I spend with him when I DO feed him.  Feeding him when we are both annoyed and nearly in tears (or in many cases IN tears) is not a special experience for either of us.  But feeding your child (however that may be) when you are both happy and looking into each other’s eyes or holding hands and just being content is what it is about.  The way you feed him isn’t what matters.  And if you do breastfeed, know that you are not a failure if you can’t do it and that it is not always easy and chances are it is hard for most people at first instead of easy for most people.  And finally, don’t be afraid to talk about it or ask people for advice. You may get comfort in the fact that you are not the only one who has gone through this.

Soooo….what are your thoughts/experiences on breastfeeding/nursing?!  How did it go for you at first?  

Wordless Wednesday - Camera Phone Pics!

Wordless Wednesday, my ass.  Really.....do you know me to be wordless!!


So I REALLY want to post pictures of Henry as he has grown SO MUCH!  However, our motherboard on our computer died and we had to get a new computer and haven't transferred all our pictures to the new computer yet.  I hope to do that this weekend and post some adorable new pictures of our little man.  In the meantime, enjoy some camera phone pictures!!

 "What the hell mom, I just woke up and you are already taking pictures!"

After being startled all Henry could say was "I think I shit my pants."

Who looks like a grumpy, 80 year old Russian man?!  Uh, our son!!

Henry is in a quandary......doesn't know if he should buy or sell.  It gives him a really headache.

"I know you like Halloween and think it is cute to dress a helpless little baby up.  But really, vertical orange stripes on the top and on my feet.  Tim Gunn would not approve."