(Anyone guess what famous TV show that quote is from? Mickey D. I know will get it!)
So I went to the movie theater a couple weekends ago and I was flabbergasted…yes flabbergasted to see there were NO Junior Mints being sold at the concession stand. (Pause for audible gasp from readers) Now I prefer salty foods over sweet foods, but do enjoy the occasional sweet treat…..especially at the movie theater. So when I go to a big chain theater where I pay $8 to get in during the day and see a piss poor selection of candy I feel it is my responsibility, nah, duty to my fellow Americans to point out this travesty.
In my opinion there are 5 candies that I feel are true movie theater candies and should be available at every theater AT ALL TIMES…no questions asked and Junior Mints are most definitely one of those candies. Now I do not necessarily like all these candies, but if I had* to pick just five, then in my mind these are the candies. (*Who said I had to pick just five? Me. I like lists. Preferably Top 5 lists. See High Fidelity….you will understand.)
The Top 5 Candies That Should Be Required BY LAW To Be At EVERY Movie Theater In The World.
1. Junior Mints
3. Reese’s Pieces
4. Gummi Worms or Bears
5. Sour Patch Kids
Now as we live in a country where it seems even our options have options I feel it should be good to also have on hand all or any of the following: Twizzlers, Sweet-Tarts, Skittles, Sweedish Fish, M&M’s, & Whoppers as they too are wonderful movie theater candy. There can be a sub-law for these candies.
The theater I went to had a few of these candies, but not all. No instead my options were some Wonka Bars…which are very delicious but NOT a movie theater candy; Cookie Dough bites…WTF are those?!; Some fancy chocolates which I will not even acknowledge as movie theater candy; and a few other jank-ass candies I have never seen before because I most likely choose to overlook them on the basis that they suck. I mean REALLY, these are the candies you are going with? I was very underwhelmed.
If I am going to pay $4 a bag for $1.50 worth of candy I don’t want any of this new age candy crap, I want the classics. Now true, I could sneak my candy in like many people but I have to say that in the off chance I do want candy there is just something childlike and nostalgic about peering into the glass windows where the candy is so beautifully displayed that makes me want to get my candy there instead of just pulling half melted candy out of my purse. However, peering into a glass cabinet seeing nothing more than some random product placement candy put there by the higher ups within this theater’s corporate juggernaut marketing department who know not a thing about what great candy is because they are too busy sipping on their wheatgrass and kissing each others arses does nothing more than make me annoyed and unwilling to compromise on my candy morals (not to be confused with candy morsels).
Overall I was very disappointed that Junior Mints were not even an option (also not an option Reese’s Pieces, Sour Patch Kids, Twizzlers, Sweedish Fish, & Whoppers), especially at a place that serves multiple flavors of ice cream, iced coffee, pizza, chili cheese fries, and a variety of other junk foods that while good are not conducive to the movie watching experience. I mean seriously – popcorn, candy and pop should be more than enough! I think that their priorities are just not right.
So what are your favorite movie theater candies?