Thursday, February 04, 2010

Movie Reviews – Introducing The H-Plus Rating Scale

Over the last couple months T & I have seen our fair share of movies. (I think all we do is watch movies) Some of these movies are new in the theater and some we watched on DVD.

Because we love movies so much, but do not believe the current ratings systems are a good way to truly judge a movie, T & I came up with our own ratings scale. Introducing the H-Plus rating scale below.

A typical movie ratings system will give a movie an A, B-, D+ but what does a B- really mean?! Or what about stars? What does it mean to have 2 stars out of four? Should we see that movie or is it just OK. So one day while we were ranting about movies we came up with our own ratings system. (we do stuff like this) Our rating system is simple; the more snacks, bigger sizes of snacks, and/or better combinations of snacks the better the movie is. How easy is that?! No stars, no letters, no thumbs up/thumbs down….just a system based on food, and we can all understand food. Our philosophy is that if it is a great movie it is worth spending the money to get all the extra snack foods. And if it isn’t as good then it is not worth spending the money on food. I understand this system may not make any sense to anyone other than T & I, but it seriously makes sense to us!

Examples: Please note you can change the foods to fit your favorite movie snacks, these are just ours.

The best movie may consist of: Jumbo popcorn with butter & salt, jumbo Mountain Dew, pretzel bites with cheese, slice of pizza and a box of snowcaps….Then go eat a couple Tums while talking about the movies awesomeness. This is for only the BEST of movies, and a combination of food like this can not be taken lightly. Very few movies reach this pinnacle of notoriety!

Average movie: Medium popcorn with a medium Sprite.

Bad movie: Just chew gum and bring your own can of pop.

So here are a few of my latest movie reviews (there were seriously about 15 new movies we have seen in the last 2 months, so I had to compress my list!):

In Theaters:

Legion – Basically God is fed up with the human race and sends Angels to make a bunch of easily killed but stretchy zombie people to destroy this pregnant girl’s unborn child…a child that apparently will change the course of the world. However one Angel, Michael, comes down to attempt to save the human race from destruction by trying to save this child. I love religious based or apocalypse type movies but there was one small problem with this movie, IT SUCKED. The biblical references were as subtle as genital herpes and there was SO much talking and bad acting that I, for a moment, understood why God was angry with these people.
(Bring a can of orange fanta and sweet-tarts from the picked through leftover Halloween candy.)

Daybreakers – It is a vampire movie, so if you do not like vampire movies and the gore that comes with them this is not a movie for you. However, I adore vampire movies and had high hopes for this. And it wasn’t that bad, though not that great either. The idea is that vampires are the dominant species and are taking the humans blood supply and keeping them in the most literal version of a blood bank. Life is great until they start to run out of blood…oh what to do then?! The movie was OK until the end...I was kind of like is that it?! Again, I liked the idea of the movie more so than the execution and acting of the movie, but was entertained because it was about Vampires.
(Small popcorn plain with a large sprite....vampire movies make me thirsty)

Sherlock Holmes - Really really good! I was a bit weary of this movie because of all the hype, and typically with all the hype comes a half-ass movie. Not the case for this one! Besides the hotness that is Robert Downey Jr, the movie was very entertaining, had a really good flow, great costumes and scenery, and was fun to watch.
(Medium popcorn with butter, Large Pepsi, a box of junior mints, and share pretzel bites and cheese with hubby)

On Video:

Family Guy: Something, Something, Something Darkside – HILARIOUS, stupid and completely ridiculous all in one…what else would you expect?! I laughed and then had moments of “oh no they didn’t” which made it even more awesome. It really is just a longer version of the show, done Star Wars style. If you don't like the show you will not like this.
(Splurge on the Jumbo popcorn with butter & salt but bring your own pop with a screw top cap to prevent spilling while laughing)

500 Days of Summer – I thought this was a really cute movie and I thought Zoey Deschanell & Joseph Gordon-Levitt were very cute together. I also liked the way they jumped from different days during the 500 days and that this wasn’t a traditional “love story”. I would watch this again, infact I would own it for one of those simple and fun movies to watch.
(Share with your significant other a Large popcorn with butter and large Pepsi, but you should each bring your own bag of M&M's)

Whip-It – LOVED this movie! I thought it was cute, funny, and it made me want to be on a roller derby team. (hmmmm, I wonder what my name would be?!) I appreciate these types of movies as even though they are slightly predictable, they are still highly entertaining and really make you feel for all the characters in the movie. Way to go Drew, great movie!
(Large popcorn with butter, Medium Pepsi, box of peanut M&M’s, and a few jawbreakers.)

More movies reviews to come........


  1. UCK! Legion was crap. I was so excited to see it from it's goofy previews and I was totally disappointed. They showed all the best parts in the trailer.

    And Daybreakers- we were watching it online and it was so boring we just gave up and turned it off before Willem Defoe even made it on screen.

    Sherlock Holmes, A+!

    Oh movies, I could never stay mad at you.

  2. LOOOL. You crack me up! We've been debating about Legion (I love these type of movies too), but I think we will totally pass and see Sherlock Holmes instead. Thanks!

  3. Great rating system!

  4. I LOVE your grading system! I mean, we ALL get it. Call Ebert and Roper! Hilarious, my friend.

    I also cannot tell you how many times I have said the exact phrase, "The hotness that is Robert Downey, JR.." YES!

    I am nervous to think what your Whip IT name would be based on the edgy/slutty/tartness of the roller derby girls and your current moniker of Wrestling Kitties.

  5. PS We ARE totally on the same page today.

  6. This was HILARIOUS!

    My husband is currently (as I type) watching Halloween 2 (the remade one, I guess?) and I'd have to say it's a Vernor's sipper ... because the amount of gore will make you want to puke and the Vernor's will settle your stomach. Ewwww.

  7. This system seems perfectly reasonable to me. And it's much more scientific than my husband's and my current rating system, which consists of "Kack," "Blech," "Eh" and "Woohoo!"