Last week I reached 15 pounds lost, and I have to say
this was huge for me for so many reasons.
As I type this, I am officially at 18 pounds lost
(WOOHOO!!) but reaching 15 was my first big goal.
For some, 15lbs may not seem that much or a small goal, especially
when I have over 100 I want to lose. But
honestly, EVERY pound seems big to me at the moment! I had decided that instead of setting large goals
that can take a while to achieve, I would set my goals in 15 lb increments. I
wanted something to work towards but that wouldn’t take me months and months to
achieve. I wanted to feel success in
these “smaller” goals and keep my motivation going.
Part of this weight loss thing is the mental aspect. Moving past what you have always done. Making yourself the priority. Keeping yourself going when all you really
want to do is eat those chicken wings with ranch dressing followed by a slice
of Edwards Chocolate Crème pie.
I usually always fail with the mental side of weight
loss. Whether it is the binge eating or setting
unrealistic goals (I can lose 50 pounds in 3 months with this fad diet!) or
feeling alone or being way too hard on myself, I always have found some excuse
reason for a diet failing.
But 15 pounds is now GONE and it feels GREAT!!
Literally, I am feeling different. Feeling better. I have more energy, probably because I am
eating to keep my body fueled and not eating so much it actually slows me down
and feels heavy.
My clothes are starting to feel different. One pair of work pants I have are nearly to
the point of too big!! Love that. And this other pair I would never wear
because they had been dried and shrunk a bit and were super snug in the legs
and I could barely button them. Well, I
put them on yesterday and BOOM, THEY FIT!
Like perfectly. And I am wearing
a shirt that is actually a little clingy to me…granted, I am still wearing something
over it, but baby steps, no?!
15 pounds also got me past a number I didn’t want to be
at, just about the most I have ever weighed.
Breaking past that was a big deal.
The fact that I lost the 15 pounds in 6 weeks was also a
great motivation. It was realistic. About 2.5 a week. Slow and steady. I also think: “Hey, by the end of March I could be down 30
lbs and maybe by my birthday nearly 40lbs!!
I could get a few new clothing items!”
Yep. Motivation.
In the scheme of things, the time it will
take to lose another 15lbs doesn’t seem like that far away. Totally doable. I mean, I know it will take me a year or more
to lose all the weight I want to lose, but these mini goals keep me going!!
It was also the first 15 pounds. Folks, do you know how long I have tried to
lose the first 15lbs?!?! I am not saying
that the next 15 or the next 15 after that will be easier, BUT making the
change and sticking with it are the first steps. Instead of watching the scale slowly move up,
I am now excited to watch it go down!
For me, this is becoming a way of life. For the foreseeable future I need to be aware of my eating habits. That doesn’t mean that I am totally OK with
this all the time or that this weekend I didn’t go over my caloric intake. But when I did, I was not hard on
myself. I did not feel guilty because
even though I did go over, I still kept things healthier than in the past. It isn’t an “all or nothing” mentality for me
right now. I am learning to live with my
love of food and learning healthy alternatives and notice when I am hungry and find
a healthy balance between it all. I have
always enjoyed healthy food and overall eaten healthy most of the time, but I
would either binge on crap food and/or eat way too much of even the healthier stuff. Healthy food still has calories, Jenn.
This weekend, I was hungry. Like ALL. THE. TIME. HUNGRY. Instead of denying myself and then just
eating until I feel sick…I had some little snacks here and there until I
felt satisfied. Ok, some cheese and
crackers. 30 minutes later…nope, still
hungry. How about an apple with peanut
butter. Ok. Getting there. Maybe 3 hersheys kisses will help that sweet
tooth. Yep. I am good now. I recognized what I wanted. I ate with care, knowing what I was putting
in my body and not just blindly eating until I was past the point of satisfied
and stuffed. That a plate of nachos isn't a snack. I am learning there are
days where I will be hungry and want more, and to my surprise there have been
days where I am not that hungry and have actually eaten less than my 1300 calorie
allowance. Yeah, I KNOW!!
I am learning to take myself out of situations that have
always provided me the opportunity to overeat.
Like after Henry goes to bed and I am downstairs watching TV. Nope.
Now I either go to bed or go upstairs and read and or watch something on
my computer. By removing myself I am
breaking that habit I have created over the years…sit on the couch in the evening
and mindlessly eat. I do miss it. The other day I wanted so bad to grab the chips and dip and sit and eat and watch TV. It will all take awhile. But that day, I said no and guess what, I was OK! I felt great the next morning. Huh. Maybe you don't need to overeat, Jenn....
I allow myself sweets and snacks, but just in smaller and
calculated amounts unlike past diets where I removed everything that seemed to
be tasty. So, if I want that fudge bar
tonight or popcorn, what do I need to remove from my diet to have that? I calculate everything I am eating the night
before. At
the moment we have oreos, chips, tortilla chips, M&M’s ALL in the house. Just a few months ago I would have considered
that a challenge to eat all that (you know, so it wasn’t in the house
anymore). Now, I am weighing out my
options on exactly where my calories go.
Three “knock off” oreos are 150 calories. Do I have 150 calories to spare? No, but I have 100 so 2 it is. Still get my oreos and still within my calories.
For some this thinking is pretty easy. Basic.
Straight forward. But for someone
who mindlessly eats and has binged as much as I have the past 20 years, it
really is this "far-fetched" concept. I have always taken the “eat until I am full
or that void I am feeling is filled with something else” way of eating. Now I think of EVERYTHING I put into my
body. I am still thinking of food ALL
THE TIME, like I was before. But now it
is a more positive way of thinking instead of looking for comfort, or out of
boredom or stress.
And don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been easy so
far. I emailed my sister a few weeks ago
because for over a week I hadn’t lost and actually gained a pound. Of course my younger sister wrote me an
amazing email and helped me stay focus and kept me on track. She really is a smart cookie. mmm, cookie. And a week ago I was crying to Terry because
he was eating a big mac and filet of fish and fries (as a "special treat" yuck) and has lost 30 lbs since
august and while I am very proud of him and didn’t for a minute want what he was
eating, it was the fact that I couldn’t have it that made me cry. I know, weirdo.
Fifteen.
Yep, this fifteen is FAR more than just the pounds as you
can tell by my long winded post. But
this is why I know this will work this time.
I am sharing to keep me going and accountable. I am sharing to get these feelings out in the
open, to say them and acknowledge them.
I am sharing these successes, because as illogical as they may seem to
some they are how I have always thought and I cannot do this if I do not
acknowledge WHY I overeat. I am sharing
so that when I have a hard day, I can look back at these posts and tell myself
to hang in there. To look at how far you
have come. To keep going because you are
worth it!! That even though today may be
hard, tomorrow will be better.
On to the next 15!!!
