So once again I should probably preface this post by saying that T & I do not have kids and maybe my thoughts are skewed a bit when it comes to what happens to a person once they have a child. Though I will say that I hope I am not SO wrapped up in my child that I forget about how important it is to spend grown up time away from my kids and with my husband and friends.
So here it is. When Terry and I got married we made the decision to not have young kids at our wedding. We had some teenagers there, but decided that we wanted to have an evening where there were no worries about what kids were doing or not being able to dance because of kids (we have been to those weddings) or worrying about the open bar or having to walk around running kids. We wanted people & parents to have a nice and fun night out for a few hours and many of our friends at the time did not have kids anyways, so this decision only affected a small group of people. So when my cousin & his wife said “well if you don’t want our kids you don’t get us” it caught us a bit off guard. Our intention was not to offend anyone, it was just our choice because it was OUR wedding.
So over the past two years many of our friends have started to have kids. Though this isn’t a part of life we are ready for at the moment, we love our friend’s kids very much and think it is fantastic. We even understand that things change and know we may not be able to do certain things with our friends like go to the bars on the weekend, have spontaneous nights out to dinner, or long nights of Euchre and wine like we use to be able to do. But I will admit...we really miss these things.
Now I know some people who have kids say, well we have kids now and you need to be respectful of that, my priorities have changed. (I have been told this) But in turn, I feel that just because we choose to NOT have kids people need to be respectful of that decision as well. I feel as though we are looked at as outsiders when we are with some of these people because we are not in their little “we have kids” group (as they call it).
So, we wanted to have a Christmas party this month. We told a few of our friends who have kids about the party but that it was for adults only. We explained why in a nice way not to hurt feelings....like I guess we did at our wedding. It has been 2 years since our wedding and this is the FIRST time we have asked to do something sans kids. A couple loved it and were excited for a night with the adults. However others were not so open to this decision we had made and said they will not be able to attend. They did not even say we will have to see, it was flat out we will not be there without a second thought. I feel bad they won't be there, I really do, but I don’t feel that I was wrong in saying that it is an adult only party. For one, our house is NOT child proof at all. Marble tables with hard edges, open electrical outlets because we are remodeling rooms, an open door to the basement so the cats can get to their box, cords everywhere, tons of collectible and breakable stuff…I could go on. Our house is just not safe. Plus, our house is not big and when you add a bunch of people and a bunch of kids it leaves little space. And plus, if those were not the most logical reasons, we would like one day…..just one flipp’n day alone with our friends and not their kids. We want to talk about grown up things with them again and not about teething, what food the child eats, if they are walking, who walked first, and so on….we listen to that all the time and we don’t mind because we love our friends and their kids. But just to have ONE night a year where we can have fun without the worries of kids and talk about the things in OUR life as well that are not related to kids would be fantastic. I really do not think that is too much to ask AT ALL. Infact, I am honestly a bit hurt by the whole thing in that it seems they don't even want to make an effort to be with us.
I think we just feel out numbered at times and like we don't really know what it is like to be in their "situation". Maybe I am wrong and so I know many of you have kids and this is why I ask these questions. Is it wrong of us to say no kids to something we do once a year? Is it wrong of us to ask our friends to spend time with us without their kids, even if it was more then once a year? Isn't it healthy to take even a couple hours away from your kid and work on your marriage and friendships by being with other people? Any thoughts on this?