This time of year. Oh this time of year.
I love this time of year. It really is my favorite. I love giving and let’s be honest,
receiving. I love the snow and the
decorations and the cookies and the festivities and the music and family. I love it all!!
And it is all those things and so much more that
also make this time of year so stressful and that make me frustrated during the
time of year that I love so much.
Sigh.
I am sure I am not the only one. We ALL do this. It is almost like a ritualistic form of
torture that we put ourselves through this time of year. We put so much on our plate (literally and
figuratively) that by the time Christmas day gets here we are exhausted and
over the holidays. To say the holiday
spirit is being sucked out of me quickly is an understatement. Though at work I am trying to maintain the
spirit I have left by dressing up!!
And the thing that sucks, is most* of the time I
do all this to myself. I create the
stress.
Right now I have this to do list:
- Order Christmas, nah, New Years Cards
- I still have Christmas gifts to buy (a few
people I still have no clue what to get!)
- Make cookies (extra for his school)
- Clean House
- Wrap gifts
- Send gifts to a couple friends
- Figure out Christmas dinner
- Buy gift for work exchange
- Make food for work
- Go grocery shopping (which I don’t think I have
done in a couple weeks except for basics)
- Put Henry’s gifts together
- Plan meals for the holidays
- Plan Christmas get together
Not to mention things I want to do with Henry
like take him to the Lights Before Christmas, build a gingerbread house, bake
cookies with him, play in the snow, enjoy this time of year!!!
On top of that we are ALL STILL sick and I have
an ear infection and I have to go to the hospital for a chest X-Ray and all of it just makes feel blah.
I just have NO time to get everything I want done
and I am stressing myself out and making myself feel like crap because I can’t
get it all done.
IS THIS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT?!?!
"'And there were in the same country
shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And,
lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round
about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not;
for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all
people. For unto you is born this day in
the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall
find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a
multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the
highest, and on earth peace and goodwill towards men.'"
"...That's what Christmas is all about,
Charlie Brown……er, Jenn"
I need to STOP.
I need to BREATHE.
I need to BE IN THE MOMENT.
I need to REMEMBER THE REAL MEANING OF THIS TIME
OF YEAR.
(ok, I am done talking loudly! I just have trouble controlling the volume of
my voice….or fingers)
I feel some strengths of mine are also the
weaknesses that create this stress. That is planning/entertaining/organization. I envision things a certain way and get
frustrated when they don’t turn out….and with a child, they don’t always turn
out. I get caught up in the moment and
forget to STOP and take the moment IN. I may not want things to be perfect by I want
them to be loved by all and if I think one thing went wrong then it ALL went
wrong. I plan and plan and plan and want things to
follow that plan exactly….if dinner is suppose to be at 5:15 it is AT 5:15, not
5:20.
I am definitely not a go with the flow kind of
person. I have list upon list upon list and cannot deviate from that.
You see where I am going with this?!
Yeah, I sound AWESOME to be around during the
holidays, no?!
As great as some of my strengths in the details and planning are, they also are the things that hinder me or that I obsess about or that make me miss the
moments I shouldn’t miss.
I have tried hard since Henry was born to
STOP. Ok, this last year I have
tried. In some ways I have succeeded and
others I fall back into my old ways.
Like last Friday Henry has his school
program. I was SO excited for this
because I thought it would be a great memory.
I got off work a little early (not early enough apparently) and picked
up Henry and made a cheese tray and got him some pizza and Terry and I got him
ready. We were rushing rushing
rushing. Henry is going the potty like a
big boy (YAY!!), but I was just like…come on, wear a diaper don’t pee in the potty
which he didn’t like. I am not mad or
yelling, just short and snippy because we have to go!! We get there 3 minutes late and I grab Henry
from the car and Terry parks it and we run in and I basically throw him to the
teachers and see my baby reaching out to me, confused at what is going on….but
I have to get him to the program, right?!
Well apparently they start right on time and we missed the toddler
performance. Then we see Henry at the
end in the finale and he is looking for us and looks so sad, and we are in the
back waving but he can’t see us. He
looks so uncomfortable and sad and I just want to grab him….but NO, I had to
get him up there to make memories!! And
while I was recording him there must have been a smudge on the camera because
it is always blurry and auto focusing so I have a horrible video. So we were just going to leave because we
were annoyed. We get outside and I say “great,
like the night wasn’t bad enough he now is going to miss Santa”.
I stopped.
Why did he have to miss Santa. We
had nowhere to be. We were just annoyed
that things didn’t go as planned. Henry
could still have fun with his friends & see Santa. So we went back in. Henry had cookies and talked to his teachers
and saw (the jankiest) Santa and HE HAD FUN!!
The joy on his face with Santa was like no other. (be still my heart)
That is what matters, right?! So I got a crappy video, I was there and saw
HIM. So he missed singing, he sings at
home. We then drove around and looked at
Christmas lights and the night as a family wasn’t perfect or as planned…but it
was also pretty darn awesome!
I am trying
to accept that not everything is going to get done. That not everything will be perfect or go as
I planned. That if I keep focusing on
what I “need” to do I am going to miss the most important things. If I keep trying to create memories I am
going to miss the ones infront of me that happen all on their own.
I admit it is hard, but I am trying. Tonight I am going home and making a list of
what NEEDS done. Ok, really…you can’t
change everything about me. This girl
still needs her lists. But I am
trying.
What is more important to me, a clean house or
making a gingerbread house with my son?!
Getting out Christmas New Year Cards or curling up on the couch and
watching Christmas movies with Henry?! Planning
a big meal for Christmas or playing in the snow with Henry?! Um, no question….my son wins EVERY time. And
those, those moments are where the memories are made.
THAT is what I need to focus on. The time spent
with my family. Of course, there are
things that I can’t get around and need to do….but I also don’t need to make
everything “perfect” or try to do it all.
Sigh.
So how do YOU handle the holidays?! Have you learned to relax and take it
easy? Are you crazy like me?! Somewhere in the middle? What do you do to relax and ENJOY this time
of year?
*I say most because there are other people who do
make this time of year more stressful then it needs to be…but that is an
entirely different and private post. But
we all know who those type of people are!
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