tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post8430884529436262430..comments2023-10-28T08:13:24.047-07:00Comments on Wrestling Kitties: “Hey Jenn, Maybe You Should Freeze Those Eggs.” Your Thoughts On Waiting To Have Kids.Wrestling Kittieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12215343504044584811noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-87298127264137221762010-11-11T20:08:41.031-08:002010-11-11T20:08:41.031-08:00Jenn, first off - I couldn't commend you more ...Jenn, first off - I couldn't commend you more for transparently and authentically baring your soul with this post.<br /><br />I <i>know</i> it wasn't easy to write. Thank you. <i> Thank you, friend, for sharing that with all of us</i>.<br /><br />Here are my random thoughts:<br /><br />1. YOU are going to be a phenomenal Mommy. A loving, kind, who-larious, sweet Mom. I can't wait for that day.<br /><br />2. Knowing that this past year has been so difficult for you breaks my heart. I hate it that you had to struggle with this. They say that these types of struggles often times give way to incredible moments of clarity. Still, they suck. And I'm so, so, so very sorry.<br /><br />3. Regarding testing - if it were me? I'd more than likely tell my gyno the plan and the proposed timeline <i>and</i> your concerns. If I were you, I'd just make sure that you're ovulating regularly. If it were me, because I like to have SOME level of control at all times, I'd begin tracking my ovulation JUST to confirm that I was ovulating. (I'm certain you more than likely are.) If you are - you'll be GOLDEN when it's time to have that sweet baby. If you are not - you'll know what you're getting into and can deal with everything prior to trying to conceive.<br /><br />4. You mentioned that you're a young 30. YES, YES you are. I have met so many people who haven't had their first baby until they were 35+ and all were healthy and all was good -- so don't be alarmed. (How old was your Mom when she had K?). And Terry? He'll be **JUST** fine. Men can conceive babies up until they're 112. Just look at Larry King. (EW.)<br /><br />5. Take your vitamins, eat healthy - do all the things you're already doing. Maybe get a good book that explains the process (there was SOOOO much I didn't know about conceiving since I had been on the pill for so long... there were "conceiving signals" that I didn't even KNOW about that I had to read about.) That way when the time comes, you'll feel more equipped.<br /><br />Again, HUG, HUG, HUG, HUG to you.<br /><br />I'm so sorry that this past year hasn't been a journey in happy. I certainly hope the next year is. You deserve it, friend.Ky • twopretzels.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13779101791633740315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-12235936903685542462010-11-08T13:22:15.634-08:002010-11-08T13:22:15.634-08:00Thanks ladies :) I really do appreciate your thou...Thanks ladies :) I really do appreciate your thoughts. I haven't really had people to talk to about this. <br /><br />Besides sharing WHY we are waiting, I was also thrown by people who are more like aquaintances saying this was an issue and I just got to the point where I needed to talk. I think it is best for me to not think about testing (as much as possible) right now as we already have so many other worries and we don't need more stress. Focusing on my health is good. I know I will still be thinking about kids....hopefully just not as much :)<br /><br />WP: HUG to you. We HAVE to have dinner some time and talk!<br /><br />Darnita - thank you for reading my post. Hello :)<br /><br />Thanks again so much!! This really helpedWrestling Kittieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12215343504044584811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-11143691782357516882010-11-06T08:13:34.625-07:002010-11-06T08:13:34.625-07:00Jenn, this is my first time reading your blog. I w...Jenn, this is my first time reading your blog. I was led by the post about the spearmint chapstick. But anyway, back to your current discussion. My sweetheart and I were going through a similar situation. We decided that it is no one else's business what we do with our bodies or when we decide to have a family. <br /><br />The biggest thing is that you have to change the energy around this situation. Worrying about having kids can often lead to the inability to have children. This is counterproductive. Just envision a life for you and T that will be filled with joy and vibrant experiences as parents. Change your "What ifs" to "I am excited about when". Keeping a positive outlook will increase the good energy and vibrations. This will benefit your body, mind, and spirit.<br /><br />Besides, age is just a number. My grandmother had two sons after 30. One is my age which is 31 and the other is my brother's age which is 26. So, she was 42 when she had her last child. I'm sure she wasn't worrying about whether or not she was able to conceive. It was a surprise to everyone.<br /><br />Forget the naysayers and your own critics. Be happy in the moment.Darnitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03478194899236617281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-11424138783181607642010-11-05T18:20:09.754-07:002010-11-05T18:20:09.754-07:00i am totally single and can't relate to much o...i am totally single and can't relate to much of this (although i READ the WHOLE thing and am with you on spirit). i will not ever forget, at age 31, when my dear friend from HS suggested i look into freezing my eggs. i was a). appalled and b). concerned that she was right. <br /><br />then i just let it go. definitely can't control the having babies thing until i am married, but i DO get anxious. i would be lying if i said i do not get anxious. <br /><br />i am with you, commend you for your bravery in sharing and writing and know that the very best thing will work itself out in your lives. hugs to you.Malissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01024156978623599027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-15229733791929238082010-11-05T14:42:05.016-07:002010-11-05T14:42:05.016-07:00Both my sister and my brother said to not even beg...Both my sister and my brother said to not even begin THINKING about kids until 30. Neither one of them had one until after that and they wouldn't have had it any other way. School stress was over, careers were on track, and they had had their fun. <br /><br />I agree with the testing. Don't put yourself through that if you don't have to.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16142476352718903636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-80967637372633586432010-11-05T13:18:54.963-07:002010-11-05T13:18:54.963-07:00Hoo boy. This is a hot button issue for me. You an...Hoo boy. This is a hot button issue for me. You and I really need to go out and have dinner some night. For reals. (I think I may have been crying on and off for the last hour.)<br /><br />T and I are in a very similar situation, in that we decided we wanted to wait to have kids. Not forever -- we both knew we absolutely wanted them -- but for a while. An undetermined amount of time. And, as my ever-tactful 85-year-old grandmother once told me, people just assumed we didn't want them. Not just because we didn't have any -- but because we didn't talk about it.<br /><br />I'm not someone who feels OK talking about this stuff, as it relates to me. I know our friend Two Pretzels opened up about their infertility, and I think it's wonderful she can do that. I can't. I just can't. It's something that's so deeply personal to me, it's hard to imagine sharing it with anyone but T.<br /><br />All that to say: People who pressure other people about kids -- and especially those who make snide remarks about whether or not you even LIKE kids (OMG) -- need to be smacked. Hard. In the nuts and/or boobs. Because that shit is not cool.<br /><br />I think it's perfectly normal, OK, sane, rational and GOOD to wait until the time is right for YOU. Not just emotionally, but situationally. Yes, the chances of conception are affected by age. But you also don't want to bring a child into a situation that's filled with stress and worry and doubt.<br /><br />And, I agree with these guys about testing and stuff: Seems like unnecessary stress and worry at this point. Being healthy (which you're doing anyway) seems like the best course of action.<br /><br />Big hugs to you, friend-I-haven't-met-yet. This is really rough stuff -- not just the baby stuff, either -- and it seems like you really have things in perspective. :) I hope you feel encouraged by all these comments! You have my support, for sure!Written Permissionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04133312942502714627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-22371653328251744842010-11-05T12:47:29.852-07:002010-11-05T12:47:29.852-07:00oh, dear. i just want to punch people who insist ...oh, dear. i just want to punch people who insist on asking questions that really aren't any of their business. back it off, people, this is sensitive stuff.<br /><br />i commend you for waiting until you feel ready. you're self-aware of what your goals are; you want to bring a child into the best possible situation for your family- ALL of you– clearly, you will be an amazing mom.<br /><br />fertility is one of those huge things that the planner in you is just going to have to learn to deal with. there are so many questions and so many things you can't plan. it sucks when you're a planner (when, where, how, etc), but i'm not sure there's a lot you can do about it.<br /><br />my two cents would be not to worry about any testing or talking to your doctor. continue getting healthy (which you've been doing). take vitamins. ENJOY your time together. when things chill out with your schedules get to babymaking. after a few months if you need to reevaluate your plan with a doctor, worry about it then. i'm just concerned that you are going to totally pscyh yourself out about it and really worrying will only make it more stressful.<br /><br />i don't think your 30's is "too old" or anything like that, but not to bum you out i *do* think that over 35 it can have an effect on your fertility, especially for a first time mom. they say that for moms with multiple children already the age thing is less of an issue? i don't know. tricky stuff, you won't know until you try. (again, just my opinion.)<br /><br />jon's oldest sister and her husband recently had their first baby and they are in their 30's. however, they didn't tell anyone they WANTED kids, or that they were TRYING! i'm sure i said some stupid ass things about it, having no idea what they were dealing with privately. the moral of the tale is that you never know the whole story and i should probably keep my mouth shut. (and also, the more people you share your journey with, the more people you will have there to support you)Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07187151463075117941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-74319013888220196242010-11-05T12:29:33.585-07:002010-11-05T12:29:33.585-07:00Thank you ladies :)
No, I haven’t talked to him. ...Thank you ladies :)<br /><br />No, I haven’t talked to him. I don’t know if, like I am sure I am in this post, I just come across as a complete worrywart! Two years ago I never thought of this or thought of it as a potential concern. Nor did I feel waiting was that big of a deal. But it seems that the older I get (and maybe the stronger the urge is to have a child) the more this appears to be an issue that I should be aware of. Plus the number of times I have been asked questions like this AFTER turning 30 is ridiculous. Seriously. It blows my mind how many times I have heard things about us waiting till mid 30’s to have a child!! I would never tell some to freeze eggs “incase”! I thought maybe there was something I was missing and didn’t know about. <br /><br />And on top of that I feel I have NO control of the situation and just have to sit back for a few years and let things happens & I don’t know how to handle that. Yes, I like to have control and plans and timetables and timelines. And with our current situation I cannot really have that…I literally do not know what to do or how to handle it!! Yes, I am crazy :)<br /><br />I know 30 isn’t old at all nor is 35 if that is when we have our first kid. You are all TOTALLY right though, I need to enjoy the here and now and not think about this. But it is crazy how hard that is for me. I agree, I wonder if getting those tests would scare me more than just waiting and letting things happen as they are suppose too happen. <br /><br />I know this isn’t what T. wants to talk about and who could blame him with as busy as he is and especially with me being a nut job the past year. I needed to hear thoughts, but was afraid to seem completely unjustified in thinking this way. <br /><br />I really appreciate your thoughts on this!Wrestling Kittieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12215343504044584811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-45762353966839668852010-11-05T12:03:55.933-07:002010-11-05T12:03:55.933-07:00Jenn! Hugs to you, my friend. Hugs to you.
I g...Jenn! Hugs to you, my friend. Hugs to you. <br /><br />I get your worries, I get the frustration. It's got to be hard not really knowing the exact timing of when everything will happen, and then wondering on top of that if when you are fresh out of the gates READY - if there's even more waiting involved due to any complications. <br /><br />I agree with Sassy Times - I would suggest it to your OB and see what they say. Although, personally, I would be worried like say if there IS a problem (God forbid) then you have to worry about THAT for the next while here. Is it better to just not know? <br /><br />The people that are asking you about kids need to freaking shut up! Seriously! I *hate* *loathe* *detest* SO MUCH how people feel they can ask about something that is so incredibly personal. How dare they? Really! Obviously you and T don't hate kids, you're GREAT with kids. Obviously you've got a plan. Ugg. <br /><br />Having said all of that - I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and at the perfect time, no matter if it's on our time table or not. That's so hard to remember in the moment but when you look back, when you have time to reflect, it's clear that there was a plan for you all along.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16729168630526845332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-65309217170006621222010-11-05T11:59:23.426-07:002010-11-05T11:59:23.426-07:00hugs Jenn! This is a hard situation to be in, but ...hugs Jenn! This is a hard situation to be in, but it sounds like you have the right perspective. It doesn't mean things are any easier, though, and that is fair.<br /><br />If I were in your situation, I would not get those tests done. I would, however, just talk to my OB/GYN about your plans, and just see what she has to say.<br /><br />Having gone through a number of fertility tests I can tell you that they, in themselves, are stressful. Some are down-right uncomfortable. And they're just hard, emotionally. DOn't put yourself through that unnecessarily. (and they are expensive. We spent a few thousand bucks just having tests done, before we even started treatment for our infertility!)<br /><br />Plus, what is going on with your body today may or may not be going on in 2 or 3 years. What if they gave you the "all clear" today, and something were to develop down the road? You'll just have to put yourself through them again. Or, what if they do say something is "wrong?" Do you really want to spend the next few years worrying about it?<br /><br />I say you just focus on you for the time being. I know you're already trying to be a healthier you, so keep at that. And I don't think it's ever too early to start taking prenatal vitamins, just to get them going in your body. Get yourself as ready as you possibly can to getting pregnant, and then when the time is right, you'll know that you've done everything possible to make your body ready.<br /><br />I'm no physician, this is just as I see it.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06453257493002278226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31637068.post-32780529968405897202010-11-05T11:38:09.598-07:002010-11-05T11:38:09.598-07:00I can totally understand the anxiety regarding whe...I can totally understand the anxiety regarding when is the right time to have a child. Let me tell you, there is never a right time. When a child comes into your life, everything changes, something new becomes 'normal' and you just make it work.<br /><br />With that, I don't see any problem with waiting. 30 is not OLD! I am 30 (my husband is older) and most of my friends do not have children yet, nor are they even married yet. ...and they still plan on getting married someday and starting a family. I think having children later in life (past 30) is becoming the norm. My mom's two coworkers both got married late in life, late 30s and didn't have their first children until they were 40 (their husbands are older). My husband's friends are all in their late 30s and just starting families. Personally, I wouldn't stress yourself out about fertility until you knew for certain it was a problem. Enjoy the here and now. <br /><br />...question, have you talked to your OB regarding your concerns? Maybe he/she could calm your fears...Sassytimeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00246581282510233020noreply@blogger.com